When Mr. Wonderful died, I ran the gamut - I cried, I got angry, I made peace.... I did that over and over until acceptance kicked in. So, naturally, when the Prince died, I figured it would be the same way. I was SO wrong.
I cry and I get angry - but there has been no peace....
My kids are mourning the loss of a wonderful man who made their mother smile, a man who became their friend, a man who became a grandfather to their children - in essence, a man they truly loved and loved them back. They are surrounding me with support and a fierce will to protect me. They understand my second loss in 4 years and are fearful of me spiraling into a black hole of depression.
So why don't I have peace? I could get all philosophical here... but the truth is, peace comes from within. I finally put the pieces together:
- I cannot have peace when my kids are worried about me. I need to show them that I am okay.
- I cannot have peace while I am living in what used to be "our home". Whereas the Prince made it clear to his children that I am permitted to live here for as long as I want; when he died it ceased being "our home". It is now an empty shell... a piece of real estate to be sold to the highest bidder.
Today, I close on my new home. A home I purchased by myself for myself. Today, I will show the world (and my kids) that I am okay. As that old saying goes, "Today is truly the first day of the rest of my life.... my new life."
Today, I am at peace.
