Thursday, December 17, 2015

Storchevoy "Wednesday"?

Allison invited everyone to my house last night for a Christmas Wrapping/Pizza party - we were to do HER wrapping - LOL!! ....and we did - and by "WE" I mean Suse and I.  Allie took care of everything.  She brought liquid encouragement,  appetizers and she provided the pizza later on.

While us girls were busy little elves in the dining room, the boys were very busy in the kitchen preparing appetizers for us.  I couldn't help but giggle when I saw Bobby searching for just the right platter to serve up the goodies.

This evening was an early Christmas gift to me.  I paid careful attention to their chatter and was just astounded at the things they could find to talk and laugh about!

They critiqued the appetizers:
A date, stuffed with goat cheese and wrapped in bacon:  "The ratio of bacon to date was incorrect,"  "Agreed! There should have been more bacon."  "There should have been a more pungent goat cheese in there."  "The date was too sweet!"

Hot dog rolled in puff pastry:  "These are the best - they roll them in parmesan"  "Are you really dunking that in ketchup"  "Don't judge me!"

Mozzarella sticks:  "Why did they explode?  they are flat!"  "I did that on purpose in case Allison wanted to make a sandwich with them"




Then they started on the stray cats and the weather:
"Do you believe that little cat still comes around here?  He was sleeping on the front steps when I got here and he never moved."

"Dad let that cat sleep in the garage the last 4 Winters!  He is wondering why Mom won't let him in there!"

"That's why we are having a mild Winter - Dad figured the cats would never survive a cold winter and mom would never let any of them take refuge in the garage. You know how dad LOVED 'weather' - he ordered a warm front for his cats!"

Is there anything better than witnessing my kids  find a silly reason to get together and just enjoy each other's company?  To some, this may be a Christmas Miracle - but, not to me.  I am blessed to say, this is just my life.


Monday, December 14, 2015

that moment.....

I am sure it is no surprise that it's been a rough couple weeks.  The surprise is that it is not because the holidays are upon us.

Out of the blue, a realization came over me..... "no one will ever again love me like he did".  I did not call him Mr. Wonderful for nothing!  That man adored the ground I walked on.  He put me first - EVERY SINGLE DAY.  He put me before himself and our kids.  In turn, I put him first in my life every waking moment.  Next realization, "I will never get to love like that again".  I lived over 2/3 of my life thinking this was the norm.....

Sure, I am cranky now - who wouldn't be after such a life change.  Not only did I lose my best friend, my partner in life - I lost that one person who thought "I" was wonderful.  I am hearing from so many people that what I had was not reality.... WHO SAYS?????  It was MY reality! 

There seems to be no end to the tears these days.  Losing the physical part of Mike was so hard, so sad.   But, intellectually, I knew the "physical" Mike had to go, he did not deserve to suffer one more minute.  I understand now that I am coming home to an empty house and sleeping in our bed alone.  There are no more 'date nights'... no more sitting in front of the fire, holding hands... no more togetherness.

The emotional loss is setting in now.  There is no rationalizing this loss.  

Tuesday, December 08, 2015

December 3, any year

December 3 was my wedding anniversary - "our anniversary".... So strange for the day to come and go without him by my side.

Some people said, "Think of the happy times" - as if that would ease the pain.  There were so many happy times - all that did was make me miss him more.

Some said, "You were lucky to have all those years" - as if luck had anything to do with the longevity of our marriage.

I am a realist and I know that all the time, effort and energy put into making our marriage a good one was worth every bit of the work.  There was no luck involved and we earned all those happy times.
December 3 will always be "our anniversary" - but it will never be a "Happy Anniversary" again.

I am a survivor.  I will get through this and anything else that is tossed in the path of my life.  I always knew I would... I just didn't think I would be doing it alone.