5/26/15 Two years later

Mike,

It's hard to believe that 2 years have passed since you've left this earth.  Early on, I thought I was going to die of a broken heart.  The chest pains were fierce and they were real.  I soon came to realize that it was simply grief.... the physical manifestations of the saddest emotion.  I later understood that this pain was the result of losing someone that I had loved so much.  I am truly grateful for having loved so deeply and being so loved by you.  It was, indeed, worth the subsequent heartbreak.   

Eventually, I learned that I was not a helpless widow, but a very capable woman whose heart hurt.  Because of your love for me, I knew that I did not want to spend the rest of my life without feeling that kind of love ever again.

Turn the pages to 2 years later.  I have met a wonderful man and have allowed myself to fall in love once again.  We often talk about you and you remain alive in my heart, afterall, you taught me how to love and be loved.

The kids are amazing.  Your sons are truly wonderful men that would make you so proud.  They both watch over me - from a safe distance - while tending to their own families.  They are smart, witty and talented.  There is no project that they will shy away from.  I can see so much of you in both of them.  You taught them well... 

Your daughters are strong, vibrant women.  They, too, keep a watchful eye over me (from a safer distance!).  They speak their peace and demand respect.  They are intelligent, beautiful inside and out and KIND.  I am enjoying watching their lives unfold. 

Our chldren are all supportive and loving, not only to me, but to each other - and that's the greatest tribute to US.

Jamie, our newest granddaughter, is delicious.  That little angel has softened all our hearts.  She is truly proof positive that life goes on.  

I have changed in many ways since you left.   I don't take crap from ANYONE!!  I have learned to put toxic relationships on a back burner - where they cannot hurt me.  I stopped watching over the kids like a mother-hen.  I am no longer their safety net - they are MY safety net now!  I am mindful of all things in nature - as you would point out over and over.  I still look for your signs, and when they appear, they always make me smile.

Rest in peace, as I am fearless and I am happy, once again.

Is it Wednesday? Another Mother's Day....

Once a year , on the second Sunday in May, America celebrates Mother's Day.  More flowers are purchased on this occasion than any other.  Restaurants are bombarded with families.  Hallmark has a field day.

My children have asked me repeatedly about this coming Sunday.  My answer remains the same each time.  No need to fuss on this Sunday.  

I am blessed to have children who make me a part of their everyday lives.  I hear from them regularly (read that: everyday) and I see them often.  They check on me, they confide in me, they ask my opinion.  They show their love in the most subtle ways everyday.

I am so proud to be the mother of these kids.  I don't need a National Holiday to be recognized as a good mom.  They let me know it everyday.....

Another step forward....

So my house is up for sale.  Another step forward in this new chapter of my life.  The house is way too big and it is silly to carry that expense at this stage.  The kids are all supportive of my decision.

My children were not raised in this house, therefore it is not so hard to let it go.  We made wonderful memories there - had lots of family functions.  Those times will live forever in my heart.  

What does amaze me is how much crap we accumulated in the last 13 years!!!  AND, there are boxes in the garage that have never been opened since we moved them here!!   Everyone knows how happy I am when I am throwing stuff away.  The Prince often jokes that if he stands still for too long, I will either wash him or toss him in the garbage!

I must give accolades to Uncle Little Michael (aka, The Godfather) for making this as stress-free as possible.  He has boxed things, tossed things, and moved things - all with a smile on his face.  He would often say, "Mom, what is causing you the most stress?" - then he would do something about it. 
Thank you, my son, for all that you do.

I could not have predicted where life has taken me these past 2 years.  I am a firm believer that God has His plan and that is all that matters.  I work hard everyday to live in the present.  

The goal is to stay focused and keep smiling.