Wednesday, December 18, 2013

Still counting the blessings.....

Thank you, Allison for filling our house with Christmas spirit this year.  She brought home a fully decorated tree, complete with the angel on top and a half dozen beautiful poinsettia's.  Quite different from the 8' trees in the past....

I am counting our Christmas blessings.... our kids are all healthy.... we are all comfortable.... Mike is well on his way to finishing up his treatments...

The mailman brings us reminders each day of the amazing family and friends who think about us and are praying for us....

As adults, we realize that Christmas is not about the jolly old man in the red suit anymore... it's about the things that money cannot buy... We are lucky, we've been blessed.

Friday, December 06, 2013

Giving up the reins.... for a minute

Thanksgiving was wonderful.  I managed to pull off cooking the entire meal without the help of my trusty sidekick.  He  has been going to the city everyday for treatment and he has little energy for much else.  No worries though, the food was delicious and everyone had a great time. 

After the guests left, Bobby and Suse approached me and asked to have Christmas day at their house "just this year".  Suse figured it would be easier on me not to have to shop, cook, decorate, entertain, etc.   As Mike continues the radiation, the side effects will just get more and more pronounced.  My time and energy is simply wrapped up in his well being.   So, I agreed to let the kids have the holiday.

Christmas will be different this year.  Although none of the kids have expressed a desire for any particular gift, we will all exchange presents and smile and be jolly, on the OUSIDE.  On the INSIDE, we will all be grateful that Mr. Wonderful has been given a new lease on life.  We won't talk about it.... No one will mention his 'sunburned' cheek, his swollen face, or his lack of appetite.... We will not be at our house....  it will be different....just for this year....

Thursday, November 21, 2013

"...but, what if.......?"

Thanksgiving is just a week away.  I am now putting together my "to-do" list.  All of the kids put in their requests for their favorite dishes, and just as I predicted, it will be the same menu, once again.  No need for a shopping list, I can do this shopping with my eyes closed.  I will start the cooking this weekend and everything will be ready to go for the "repeat meal with the flightless bird".

When I can bring the chatter in my dining room down to a gentle roar, I often ask my guests what they are most thankful for.  My kids are used to this as we often do it when we are gathered together.  The answers are always the same  (my spouse, my kids, my family, etc.),  I know this even before we start.  I just think it is a good opportunity for each of us to say it out loud.

This year will be a little different for me.  Whereas I am always grateful for my Mr. Wonderful and my children, this year is special.  When confronted by serious illness and the threat of potential disaster, it is hard not to play the "what if...?" game.  Watching my kids 'step up the plate' and create a protective wall around Mike and I was truly a gift. 

This year, I am thankful that I will never have to say "what if?" anymore.  My kids have already answered that question for us.

Wednesday, November 13, 2013

Seasonally speaking....

And so the season has changed once again.  Out come the hoodies and uggs (and knee socks).  We have been jolted into the Fall with a glimpse of what the Winter will bring.  I am almost glad it happened so I can once again pay attention to the beauty of the changing leaves and the awesome sunsets that happen in the Autumn.

Some people grumble about the cold weather year after year - as if it's a suprise that Winter has arrived.  We live in the Northeast people!  We have 4 seasons.  Each one has a magical property, yet it is up to each of us to seek it out. 

Spring brings the budding flowers and the promise of new life.

Summer brings the warm sunshine and family BBQ's.

Fall brings the beautiful changing landscapes.

Winter brings the cold air to kill off all the nasty germs to allow a fresh start again in the Spring.

Change is inevitable in life.  Seasons change... people change... life changes.... It is up to us to find the magic everyday.

Wednesday, October 30, 2013

Time and Tide wait for no one

Can't believe the Holidays are just around the corner.  It seems like it was just Memorial Day!   I guess it is true when they say, "the older you get, the faster the time goes" - or so it seems.

Time to look ahead...

With Halloween just a day away, I am reminded that we did not get any pumpkins this year - but I do have a bounty of Halloween candy to distribute.  I am sure I can find a use for the leftovers, if there are any.

Mr. W. will go through 6 weeks of radiation, starting in about a month.  We CAN do ANYTHING  for 6 weeks - this is not permanent!  Soon, with the help of God, this whole situation will just be a memory.

Time to plan the Thanksgiving menu - not sure why I try to "plan" it at all.  These kids ask for the same stuff year after year!!  I still think asking them what they want to eat is part of the holiday process, so I will indeed ask - and refer to last year's list!!

Our 36th Wedding Anniversary is December 3rd.  We will surely do something special..... like hold hands while we order some pizza to be delivered.  The older we get, the more we like to stay home.  I am grateful that my home is a safe haven for us both.

Just have to put up a tree and hang the stockings....

It really doesn't matter what is going on   -   Life goes on....

Friday, October 18, 2013

Another milestone

Congratulations to Bobby and Suse on the purchase of their new home!  So proud of these kids.  They really know the value of a dollar and they worked very hard to make this possible.  It is a beautiful house that they turned into a home in just minutes.  Their love is so evident the moment you walk through the door. 

I can't help but wonder if our job, as parents, is finished?  All the kids are settled.  All the kids seem happy.  Do they need us anymore?  Other than worrying about them, I am not sure there is anything else we can do for them!   Mr. Wonderful and I are so proud of all our kids... It is not their accomplishments that awe us, but the fact that they are really and truly "good" people.

Our entire marriage can be classified in stages: 
We were newlyweds for 10 minutes
We had kids
The kids were all in school
I went back to work
The kids started moving out
WE SURVIVED THE TEEN YEARS - (it only took 22 years!)
Mr. W. retired
The kids started coming back home
The kids moved out again

I wonder what the next stage is???

Tuesday, October 15, 2013

Praise God

Surgery is nearly a week behind us.  Just so glad that portion is over.  The surgeons feel as through they removed any possible trace of the cancer, but, they also said, microscopic particles can still be lingering in the area.  Radiation will begin in a couple weeks.

Recuperation has not been easy for Mike.  His face is swollen, bruised and somewhat distorted.  The removal of bone, the manipulation of his eye, trying to control bleeding - recovering from all of this will take some time.  BUT, HE WILL RECOVER!

I must sing the praises of my children.  They have just been troopers, working together to get everything done so I could concentrate on Mike.  Phone calls, texts, hospital visits, chauffeuring us around, filling the house with food and just loving each other.  Truly a testament to a cohesive family.

The outpouring of love and concern from extended family just left us speechless.  Mike was amazed when I was reading him the messages.

We have been truly blessed with wonderful family and friends.  It is times like these when you realize and feel the love that surrounds you everyday.  We are humbled by the attention, yet we continue to ask for prayers until this nightmare is behind us.

Tuesday, October 08, 2013

Tomorrow's the day

Yesterday we saw 3 different doctors, ending with the surgeon.  No matter how prepared we thought we were, nothing can prepare you for a surgeon who MUST tell you all the possible outcomes of this surgery.  No need to go into all the details here, suffice it to say, it was quite nerve wracking. 

I still find it hard to believe that Mike is as sick as they say.  He looks great.  He feels great.  Of course, after hearing all that was said yesterday, he is quite shaken up.  Perhaps, if he didn't look so good, this would be easier for him to handle.  It would be easier for me to understand this stage of the disease if he was in pain or not feeling well. 

I still can't say that he "has cancer".  I find myself saying, "the tumor is cancerous".  I am not in denial.... I am just hopeful that this will all simply fade away like a bad memory.

After hours of meeting with these doctors, not one of us asked, "what's the prognosis?"  Can't help but wonder why they didn't mention it.... I have decided that I do not want to know and I hope Mike never asks.

I have told everyone I know that my Mr. Wonderful will be in surgery tomorrow.  Hoping that God, the angels and saints will get tired of hearing his name...

Thursday, October 03, 2013

"Happy Anniversary, Bobby and Suse"

As we get ready to celebrate Bobby and Suse's first Anniversary, I thought it would be nice to publish Michael's Best Man Speech.   
 
"Good evening everyone, on behalf of Bobby and Suse I’d like to thank everyone for being here tonight and helping in making this a special day.
For those of you who don’t know me, (you’re probably better off that way),  I am Bobby’s older brother, only brother and the BEST MAN.  And I have to say bobby, it only took you 27 years for you to admit that I am the best man!
I really need to say how proud I am of my baby brother, and how proud I am with all he’s done and achieved.
As Bobby’s older brother, I’ve obviously know him his whole life.  Though it’s usually the younger brother who has to live up to an older brother’s achievements, but with us it seemed the other way around.  Some of you might think it was hard for me to keep up with Bobby’s accomplishments, But really, I was just looking out for him by keeping the bar so low.  He pretty much learned everything NOT to do from my, YOU’RE WELCOME BRO!
There are so many highlights about our childhood together, I just don’t have time to go through them all; but 2 of the best memories that really shine were 1) the ability I had to make him laugh so hard, milk would literally pour from his nose…  And of course my personal favorite, when we were really young, we shared a bedroom where there were many times of getting in trouble for the late night giggles…. Of course as any good older brother would do; Torture!  (heHe)  For example: he was so gullible that he actually believed that I would actually eat him; Remember bobby?  Mmmmm, I’m gonna eat you “munch, munch, munch” That’s when the giggles stopped and our “Oh so wonderful mother would stand in the door way waving a wooden spoon in her hand. (Love you for those wonder memories of wooden spoons ma)  I don’t think bobby and I could ever look at a wooden spoon the same ever again. Oh the years of therapy…. Just kidding
Bobby, it was nice growing up with someone like you, someone to lean on, someone to count on, and someone to tell on!
Sometimes being a brother is better than being a superhero, and even though you probably, no, wait most definitely kick my ass now, I know you’re still a lil afraid of me.
Just a piece of advice to those who have younger brothers, be careful how much you tease him, because when he grows up, well take a look, the guy can bench press me.  I wish someone told me this when I was younger.
All for one, one for all, my brother my friend, what fun we have, the time we share; Brothers always till the end.
 
Now, over six years ago this beautiful girl came into my brother’s life, SUSE.  We all knew that she was the only one for him.  She puts up with his Storchevoy Madness, she sees put his faults and amazingly she sees past his receding hair line (maybe it’s a height thing.)?  She really doesn’t mind that her hubby will probably be bald by the end of this speech.  To quote my grandfather, “Bobby’s hair was so wavy, it simply waved good bye”. Although I prefer his other quote, “Grass doesn’t grow on stones”!
 
Suse, you are a beautiful, bright talented young girl.  WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU THINKING??  Just kidding.  You make my brother the stand up man he is today, you’ve changed him for the better, and I personally want to thank you for giving him an actual sense of fashion. 
You two make such a beautiful couple, and you will make such a beautiful family.  (Let’s just pray they get suse’s hair!)
Suse, you really have done such a wonderful job at making today as beautiful as it is, but in all honestly its your beauty and glow that really makes it what it is. I am truly happy to call you my sister.
Mr.& Mrs. Mendes, I want to congratulate you on raising such a wonderful daughter, someone who really has every amazing quality a young bride could ever have. 
Mom& Dad, You raised a helluva kid, but I’d like to think I assisted in some of the character building. 
Congratulations’ to both parents, and more importantly Congratulations to Bobby and Suse!
Bobby, remember, “Yes Suse, No, that doesn’t make you look…, you’re absolutely right Suse, I’m Sorry Suse, it is all my fault.”  These words are key to any good marriage. 
May you both have a lifetime of happiness, success, laughter and bliss and may it grow stronger each day.
The end of my Best Man speech is upon us, ladies and gentlemen, so before we toast the Newlyweds, all that remains is for me to thank each of you for my making my role as Best Man an unforgettable experience. Unlike my speech, it is a day that I don’t want to end and I look forward to the rest of the evening and the chance to meet with you all. Today has been a wonderful occasion one that will live long in the memory and I am sure, like me, that you are privileged to be part of it and for that we are indebted to Bobby and Suse.
I Love you both,
BOBBY& SUSE!
CHEERS!

Good Job, Michael..... you made us all laugh and cry.  It was one of my favorite highlights of the day!

Wednesday, September 25, 2013

Sometimes, time stands still

Our visit to Sloan Kettering was informative, frightening, comforting, and busy.

We met with the oncologist for over 2 hours.  He was a wealth of information.  He explained that Mike would not be a candidate for chemotherapy as there are no "cocktails" that can "cure" this.  And, in reviewing what they do have available, the benefits do not outweigh the risks.  But he had already met with the surgeon and the radiologist and they have mapped out a plan.

The meeting with the surgeon was also informative.  He explained that, although they do not have back their final pathology, they are not expecting to find anything different based on origin of  the reports that he was given.  He said, "the slides were sent to the 'best of the best'".  That was comforting.  He explained the surgery that he wanted to do -  "make an incision down the side of his nose, where the nose 'meets the face' - remove a sliver of the nasal bone, the cheek bone, and the soft tissue in between - all the while NOT disturbing the surrounding area and taking things out in one piece so as not to send off any errant cells".  He explained that it was not his job to do the most non-invasive surgery, it was his job to do the most effective surgery for the best possible outcome. 

Mike wanted to know why the Pet Scan did not light up and yet it seemed like they were taking drastic measures to "clean out the area".  We were told that it takes hundreds of thousands of cancer cells in one area to light up on a Pet Scan.  AND, in this case, this cancer is so aggressive that all it would take is for one cancer cell to go awry and it would divide, divide and divide until another cancerous tumor formed "somewhere".   The surgeon explained that they would do radiation treatments after he healed form surgery in order to eradicate any possible cells floating around that area.

I asked the doctor, "So, after the surgery and after the radiation, can we say that my husband is cured?"  He responded, "We can NEVER say he is cured with this type of cancer."...... and time stood still

Surgery was scheduled for Oct. 9. Mike then had 2 MRI's and a CT Scan.

We meet with the radiologist on Friday to hear his portion of the plan.

Monday, September 16, 2013

Then you hope they made a mistake

The final pathology came back from Beth Israel in Boston as a neuroendocrine tumor.  The surgeon at LIJ wants to do more surgery. 

In the interim, Sloan Kettering called me.  Mike has been "accepted" as a patient.  We have an appointment with the medical oncologist and the surgeon next Monday 9/23.  They are trying to squeeze us in to see the radiologist next Friday 9/27.

I had the slides sent to Sloan.... they want to review all the material themselves before accepting any diagnosis.  I can't help but hope there has been an error somewhere...

It's gonna be a long week.

Wednesday, September 11, 2013

First you pray

Mr. Wonderful had a nasty sinus infection last Christmas.  It just would not go away.  He saw our family doctor for 2 rounds of antibiotics and then a round of steroids.  Around March, he started saying that he needed to see an ENT - so I gave him the name of one to call.  April and May came and went and he still complained, but did not make that appointment.  FINALLY, in June, I called the doctor and informed Mr. W that he was to see this new doctor the following week.

The doctor sees a "mass" in Mr. W's right nostril and immediately sends him for a CT Scan.  That was right before 4th of July weekend.  We were told that the doctor would have the results in a week.  2 days later, we get a call that the doctor wants to see him right away.  He was referred to another specialist at LIJ Hospital.

This new doctor looks at the scan, peeks up Mike's nose and says, "Oh boy, that's gotta come out!  No hurry, though, whenever you are ready, we will operate and you will breathe a whole lot better."  He explained that this mass started up by the frontal lobe of Mike's brain and travelled down the sinus path into his nostril.  He assured us that this is never malignant.

We were not waiting.  I started the process that afternoon.  We were fortunate to be squeezed into the schedule on August 8.  The surgery went smoothly.  The doc explained that this mass was even creeping down the back of Mike's throat!  He said Mike would be a new man and his appetite should pick up too.  YAY!!!

Imagine our shock when we were called by the surgeon's office to come in "right away".  Although I did not like the sense of urgency, I assured Mike that it was probably just protocol to release him as a patient.  Boy, was I wrong!  The pathology came back on the "mass" as a malignancy.  The doctor had the results for over a week, but continued to send them out to other places for clarification (Mayo Clinic, Boston, the Army, etc.)

We were then sent into a whirlwind of appointments - within 10 days, we met with the surgeon, went for a Pet Scan, had a biopsy done on a "suspicious" lymph node", met with a radiologist who would perform radiation therapy and a doctor who would administer chemotherapy.  All reports have been sent to Sloan Kettering for another opinion, as well.  All the ground work is laid, but we are still waiting for the final pathology to proceed. 

They have narrowed it down to 2 possibilities.  A Neuroblastoma of the Olfactory System or a Neuroendocrine Tumor.  Both are rare, both are aggressive.

First, I prayed...... now I ask you to pray for us, too...

Tuesday, April 02, 2013

New Traditions

Easter has come and gone and it seems we have new traditions now.  For years, I have hosted all the holidays.  It was expected and I totally enjoyed it.  As my mother ages, it is increasingly difficult for her to get around, and as she lives an hour away from me, I have had to make some concessions for the holidays.  For the second year in a row, we all gathered near Mom's house for Easter dinner in a restaurant.  It is fun, but it is different.

There are no Easter outfits or Easter baskets.  The "kids" are all grown, most are married.  Those who are not working or with their in-laws always join us.  We are together.  Sitting at the "head" of the table is my mom.  These last few years have not been kind to her.  She seems to have aged tremendously in just the past few months.  It was good for all of us to be together.... We made a memory, but it saddens me a bit. 

I still long for the arrival of the Easter Bunny and the squeals of delight as the kids go through their baskets full of surprises

I can't help but wonder how things will be different in years to come....

Friday, March 15, 2013

Notes to my granddaughters 2013

A few random thoughts:

Try to always smile at people.  You will most certainly get a smile back.  No need to share your misery, people have enough of their own - but people can never have too many smiles.  Smiling just makes you feel better, and when people smile back at you, it energizes you.  Smiling makes your eyes light up... people react differently to someone who is smiling... Try it.

When in school, (or any place else that provides an opportunity to learn), never let anyone else in the room HEAR more than you do.  Always concentrate on the person speaking, look them in the eye.  You never know when a valuable piece of information will come you way.   Listen with your ears and an open mind.  You do not have to agree with all that you hear, but you must always be willing to learn new things.  NEVER STOP LEARNING! 

When at a party, or a family gathering, or just a happy place - always take a step back and gaze around.  Take a mental picture and store it in your memory bank.  These moments  will help shape your future.  As you get on in years, these memories will warm your heart.  

Always look people in the eye when speaking to them.  Make them feel important.  Use their name when speaking to them - touch their arm, or their shoulder.  Touch is powerful.  Don't be so afraid of germs that you forget how important people are.  Never forget that although it is nice to be important - it is more important to be nice! 

Try new foods!  We are so fortunate to live in a country that embraces so many different cultures and along with these cultures comes such a variety of foods and spices.  Never rule anything out just because you haven't tried it before. 

PLEASE, NEVER poke fun of anyone less fortunate that you are.  There are many degrees of perfection - everyone is perfect in their own way.  Remember that we are all God's children.

When you are invited somewhere, try real hard to always accept the invitation.  If they thought enough of you to invite you, please be respectful enough to show up.  Remember, "people" are important... "things" can be replaced, people cannot.

People will always react kindly to someone with manners.  Always say "Please" and "Thank-you".   Don't forget to say "God Bless You" when someone sneezes - even if it is a stranger.  Always hold the door for the next person following you.  Always give up your seat to someone older than you.  These simple gestures will go a long way in building your character. 

PRAY!!  Take the time to thank God for what you have.  Ask God for help when you are struggling.  Never lose your faith.  We all need someone to lean on, someone to watch over us and protect us.  God is always there..... unconditionally.  

My darling Ally and Ava,  know that I am always here, too..... loving you both unconditionally.... I carry your hearts with me, I carry them in my heart.

Tuesday, March 12, 2013

St. Patrick's Day - Family style!

Excerpts from a phone call:

Allison:  Ma, what are you doing next weekend?
Me: Nothing special
Allison:  Wanna cook dinner for us?
Me:  SURE!!
Allison: Corned beef and cabbage?
Me: Absolutely!
Allison: Okay - you cook dinner and bring it to Michelle's.  Michelle will do appetizers, Suse will do dessert, I will do cocktails - sound like a plan?
Me: Perfect way to celebrate a holiday!!

Excerpts from another phone call:
Little Michael:  Ma, are you cooking dinner for Sunday?
Me:  Of course!
Little Michael:  I did not get an assignment!!  I can do stuff, too, ya know!
Me:  Michael, just show up and behave!  That's your assignment!

What's my favorite holiday???  The one when all the kids are together laughing and eating.



Monday, March 11, 2013

It takes a Village to raise a child

I am fortunate to have "old" friends - Friends of longevity.  Friends who have lasted through the test of time and miles.  We have been 'together' for so many years and shared so much of each others' lives.  We laughed together, cried together, celebrated together and mourned with each other.  More importantly, we clung together through the years just because we loved each other, not because we were bound together with a shared bloodline.

Although, as most friendships start by being brought together by our children, that was not the case with us.  We just found each other and throughout the years we've celebrated our kids' Sacraments, Proms,  Graduations, and Weddings.  

I was the first to become a grandma.  AHHH, the swelling in my heart when I just think back as my granddaughters were born.... God bless my friends who listened to me as I talked about my girls relentlessly!  Thank you to my dear friends who were there to share my granddaughters' milestones as well.

Let's jump ahead a couple years - it is my turn to share in their joy! We were so happy to be included in the excitement as our friends became grandparents.  As we celebrated the first birthday of their second granddaughter, I realized how fortunate we all were to have been able to walk the trail of life together all these years.

Her children are a part of me, just as mine are a part of her.... Her joys and sorrows bring smiles and tears to me, just as mine do to her.  Most important, their grandchildren will always be like grandchildren to us too.  When I count my blessings, rest assured these children are always included.



Brianna - 1 year

Olivia - 2 1/2 yrs
 

Friday, March 01, 2013

"Newsworthy"

I have the local "Herald" delivered each week to my home.  When my kids were growing up, I would scour the local paper to see if my kids' pictures were in there.  Invariably, a couple times a year, there were shots of my kids.  It was bound to happen as they were involved in their schools, town sports and Scouting.  They loved seeing their name and photo in the paper.

When my father-in-law died, I remember so clearly sitting in his kitchen and staring at his refrigerator.  It was covered with newspaper clippings!  Some were even frayed and faded.  Grandpa had saved every picture, every article that mentioned their names.  He stared at that everyday - a constant reminder of how wonderful he thought his grandchildren were.

I find myself scouring the Herald each week looking for picture of my grandchildren.... Lo and behold!  This week's edition had a picture of my darling, Ava.  I guess I will start taping things to my fridge now.....

Tuesday, February 19, 2013

2013? Already???

Life is good.

I originally started this blog as a "diary" of sorts for my grandchildren.  I wanted to give them a glimpse of my everyday life, in my own words.  As time progressed, I found myself blogging less as I did not want this to be merely a "shopping list of daily activities".  That being said...... here goes!

I would like to say that time stood still after the "wedding of the century", but, alas life goes on!  I felt like our whole year revolved around that wedding.  It will truly be one of the sweetest memories of my life.

The holidays came and went with little fanfare.  I had trouble with time constraints when it came time to put up a Christmas tree (same song, different year).  God bless my little cousin who sent us a REAL LIVE Christmas tree, about 2 feet tall.  I was thrilled to dress it in lights and call it our "Biggest Little Christmas Tree".  It was certainly the smallest tree I've ever displayed, but it was filled with more love than any other tree we ever had.  We celebrated Christmas over the course of a few days, attempting to get all the kids together - Hey, Christmas is not a "day", but rather a "feeling", right?

The family gathered at Michelle's house to celebrate my birthday - what a great feeling to watch the kids interact with one another.    They are truly "friends" with each other...  by far, the best birthday gift a mother could receive.

We took our annual vacation to the Caribbean.... beautiful resort, people waiting on us, gorgeous waves, sunny beach and I even read 3 whole books!!  What's to complain about???

Went to a formal dinner/dance fund raiser for our little cousin - it always feels good when we "give".

Our first granddaughter turned 11 - WOW!!  Just yesterday she came home from the hospital and was sleeping on my chest!

Our oldest son turned 30!!!  (He will forever be referred to as "Little Michael"!)

We went to a surprise 60th birthday party for my cousin - 60?  Really??  I remember when we were celebrating our parents' 60th birthdays!!  When did we all get so close to their age???

This is not "merely" a list of activities.... It is a series of events in my life.

Life is good.