We leave in 2 days for our annual "girls' trip". When Allison first relocated to the Florida Keys, my sister-in-law and I made a vow to go 'check on her' at least one a year. Each year we make the ultimate sacrifice, leave our spouses behind and go do some serious bonding with Allison.
I am happy to say that we have some wonderful friends and family who have offered to accompany us on this tiresome trek. They have been incredibly supportive throughout the years and we are entirely grateful.
This year, I have asked Michelle to join us. This will be her first trip without her husband, but Michelle would do anything for her sister. She and Allison really need to spend some quality time together.
Allison and I have a little ritual that we do whenever we see eachother. We share a bracelet. Each time we see eachother, we put it on the other's wrist. This visit, the bracelet will go to her. I will miss seeing it on my arm, but when I look down at the empty wrist, I will always know that it is safely with Allison. It is a simple little bracelet, but it holds so much meaning to the two of us.
There will be 7 of us this year and we have rented a little house, with a pool for (cough) water aerobics. We will drink filtered water and green tea, we will eat healthy, organic foods. I am hoping for some quiet chats, some time to read, and the opportunity to reflect on the meaning of life - - - but I am afraid you, my faithful readers, will never know if that happens.... afterall, what happens in Key West, STAYS in Key West!!
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
Thursday, September 23, 2010
Life's Not Fair
I guess this blog post is a LONG time coming. If you are a faithful reader (and I think there are 2 of you out there) you know that my son, Michael, has been battling cancer for the past year and a half. To say that the family has been on an emotional roller coaster would be a gross trivialization of the effects his disease has had on this family.
Michael is extremely intelligent, self-motivated, stubborn, independent, arrogant, kind, generous to a fault, and strong willed. When he was first diagnosed, he kept it to himself - thinking he could make it go away without 'burdening' his family. Once he did tell us, I could tell it was like opening a relief valve for him. FINALLY, he could talk about it.
It was interesting to watch him with his siblings. He was always so guarded around them and warned me "not to tell them everything" as he did not want them to fret about him. He constantly said, "They all have enough on their plate without worrying about me". I remember their first reactions very well: Bobby was somber, Allison did not believe him, and Michelle cried (what a surprise!).
This has been a long year and a half. Michael did chemo and tried radiation. He was WELL READ on the subject and had a clear picture of possible outcomes. Unfortunatley, his stubborness, arrogance and strong will worked against him this time. It was not until this week that he finally came to the realization that HE cannot control this disease. He finally understands that if he does not act quickly now, this DISEASE will control him.
As he readied himself for the inevitable surgery, I watched several things happen within my family:
-----I saw Michael's siblings gather around him like a safety net - and they did it on HIS terms. They did it with texts and phone calls, never invading his privacy. They were relentless when he did not respond. They listened to him. They talked to him. They comforted him. They reassured him. They badgered him. They loved him.
-----I watched as Mr. Wonderful picked up the reins and held up both of us during this trying time. I thanked God for the strength in my marriage. I love how Mr. W. and I always seem stronger and closer as we face adversity.
-----I noticed how extended family and friends walked on egg shells around us - protecting us from daily nonsense and offering support should we need it.
Michael said to me last night, "this is just not fair". I told him it was about time he realized that! Life is not fair... but it is worth it.... so you gotta keep fighting...
Michael is extremely intelligent, self-motivated, stubborn, independent, arrogant, kind, generous to a fault, and strong willed. When he was first diagnosed, he kept it to himself - thinking he could make it go away without 'burdening' his family. Once he did tell us, I could tell it was like opening a relief valve for him. FINALLY, he could talk about it.
It was interesting to watch him with his siblings. He was always so guarded around them and warned me "not to tell them everything" as he did not want them to fret about him. He constantly said, "They all have enough on their plate without worrying about me". I remember their first reactions very well: Bobby was somber, Allison did not believe him, and Michelle cried (what a surprise!).
This has been a long year and a half. Michael did chemo and tried radiation. He was WELL READ on the subject and had a clear picture of possible outcomes. Unfortunatley, his stubborness, arrogance and strong will worked against him this time. It was not until this week that he finally came to the realization that HE cannot control this disease. He finally understands that if he does not act quickly now, this DISEASE will control him.
As he readied himself for the inevitable surgery, I watched several things happen within my family:
-----I saw Michael's siblings gather around him like a safety net - and they did it on HIS terms. They did it with texts and phone calls, never invading his privacy. They were relentless when he did not respond. They listened to him. They talked to him. They comforted him. They reassured him. They badgered him. They loved him.
-----I watched as Mr. Wonderful picked up the reins and held up both of us during this trying time. I thanked God for the strength in my marriage. I love how Mr. W. and I always seem stronger and closer as we face adversity.
-----I noticed how extended family and friends walked on egg shells around us - protecting us from daily nonsense and offering support should we need it.
Michael said to me last night, "this is just not fair". I told him it was about time he realized that! Life is not fair... but it is worth it.... so you gotta keep fighting...
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
Extended Family
Had a very interesting weekend.
Saturday, we celebrated Rosh Hashanah with our neighbors. They had a lot of family over and they included Mr. Wonderful and I in the celebration. It was wonderful to be a part of the day. Their great-nephew and 3 great-neices were at the house - is there anything better than spending the day with little children (And then kissing them good-bye and going home to a little serenity)? I spent a good portion of the visit snuggling with a beautiful one year old, Annabella. She just warmed my heart as she held on to me while I rocked her. Watching the antics of the 2 yr. olds was so much fun, too. I always say, "you can never love too many children." I think there were some adults in the room also.... but I am not sure.
On Sunday, we spent the day with my son-in-law's family. It was another beautiful day filled with laughter and love. I remember when it was time to leave - you know us Italians, "WE GOTTA KISS EVERYBODY!!!" - and so we went from room to room, kissing and hugging. I made some new friends that day - we are all buddies on "Facebook" now!
Although I missed my Sunday Dinner at home with my kids, I realized something wonderful this weekend. We are truly blessed to have such an extended family that simply enjoys being together.
Saturday, we celebrated Rosh Hashanah with our neighbors. They had a lot of family over and they included Mr. Wonderful and I in the celebration. It was wonderful to be a part of the day. Their great-nephew and 3 great-neices were at the house - is there anything better than spending the day with little children (And then kissing them good-bye and going home to a little serenity)? I spent a good portion of the visit snuggling with a beautiful one year old, Annabella. She just warmed my heart as she held on to me while I rocked her. Watching the antics of the 2 yr. olds was so much fun, too. I always say, "you can never love too many children." I think there were some adults in the room also.... but I am not sure.
On Sunday, we spent the day with my son-in-law's family. It was another beautiful day filled with laughter and love. I remember when it was time to leave - you know us Italians, "WE GOTTA KISS EVERYBODY!!!" - and so we went from room to room, kissing and hugging. I made some new friends that day - we are all buddies on "Facebook" now!
Although I missed my Sunday Dinner at home with my kids, I realized something wonderful this weekend. We are truly blessed to have such an extended family that simply enjoys being together.
Thursday, September 09, 2010
Some precious moments
Life goes by so fast. When I lay in bed at night, sometimes I watch the video of recent events (always in fast-forward). It is easy to harp on the rotten things that happen in your life - but, seriously, I have found it much more pleasant to reflect on the best things that happen to me.
Just this past weekend:
Bobby and Michael sitting next to each other with their new phones in their hands. One of them is saying, "Yea, but can your phone do this?" And the other one answering, "Oh yea? WATCH THIS!" Seeing them giggle and tease each other like they did when they were 5 and 7 yrs old. - Then watching the two of them run out to do some quick shopping together as I prepared dinner. Hearing them come back into the house, still laughing, conspiring.... HOW WONDERFUL WAS THAT?!?!?!
Brandy (the new puppy) jumping out of the car window on the way to the park. She was so excited to play with her friends that she just could not wait for the car to stop! Yes, it cost an arm and a leg at the vet - but she did not break anything - HOW WONDERFUL WAS THAT!!!
Holding my friend's new baby granddaughter - just 2 weeks old. Cuddling that baby, rocking her in my arms, putting her to sleep. Kissing her head. Feeling my heart swell with love (afterall, can you really ever love too many children?). Then having her mom ask me, "Can Olivia call you Guga, too?".... HOW WONDERFUL WAS THAT?
Looking into another friend's eyes and trying with all my might to give her the right words and strength to deal with her husband's terrible illness. Having her hug me and thank me for helping her.... HOW WONDERFUL WAS THAT??
Making a dinner and birthday cake to celebrate Suse's birthday. Having friends and family all around the table together. Everyone pitching in to make it a stress-fee day. Hearing the noise level just below a roar, but just loud enough to be slighlty annoying to anyone who does not know us. Laughing until our sides hurt. Watching the evening come to a close as Bobby carries out his last load of laundry. Knowing that it takes this family just as long to say good-bye to each other as it does to find a parking spot at Macy's during a one-day sale - (even though we will all see each other next week!) .... HOW WONDDERFUL WAS THAT?
I feel blessed that I can find wonderful moments all the time, in all that we do. I hope my children will always remember to savor the little joys in everyday life.
Just this past weekend:
Bobby and Michael sitting next to each other with their new phones in their hands. One of them is saying, "Yea, but can your phone do this?" And the other one answering, "Oh yea? WATCH THIS!" Seeing them giggle and tease each other like they did when they were 5 and 7 yrs old. - Then watching the two of them run out to do some quick shopping together as I prepared dinner. Hearing them come back into the house, still laughing, conspiring.... HOW WONDERFUL WAS THAT?!?!?!
Brandy (the new puppy) jumping out of the car window on the way to the park. She was so excited to play with her friends that she just could not wait for the car to stop! Yes, it cost an arm and a leg at the vet - but she did not break anything - HOW WONDERFUL WAS THAT!!!
Holding my friend's new baby granddaughter - just 2 weeks old. Cuddling that baby, rocking her in my arms, putting her to sleep. Kissing her head. Feeling my heart swell with love (afterall, can you really ever love too many children?). Then having her mom ask me, "Can Olivia call you Guga, too?".... HOW WONDERFUL WAS THAT?
Looking into another friend's eyes and trying with all my might to give her the right words and strength to deal with her husband's terrible illness. Having her hug me and thank me for helping her.... HOW WONDERFUL WAS THAT??
Making a dinner and birthday cake to celebrate Suse's birthday. Having friends and family all around the table together. Everyone pitching in to make it a stress-fee day. Hearing the noise level just below a roar, but just loud enough to be slighlty annoying to anyone who does not know us. Laughing until our sides hurt. Watching the evening come to a close as Bobby carries out his last load of laundry. Knowing that it takes this family just as long to say good-bye to each other as it does to find a parking spot at Macy's during a one-day sale - (even though we will all see each other next week!) .... HOW WONDDERFUL WAS THAT?
I feel blessed that I can find wonderful moments all the time, in all that we do. I hope my children will always remember to savor the little joys in everyday life.
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