Yesterday started week 3 post treatment. True to form, a day after week 2, Mike's appetite slowly started to return. The meeting with the Radiologist last Friday was so positive. He was too pleased with the waning residual effects of the radiation. There are still some long lasting things to deal with, but that is a small price to pay to be rid of this beast.
They scheduled a follow-up Pet Scan for May 2. It is hard not to think about what that scan may show. I realize now that this is our "new normal". We have to take each day as it comes and enjoy all that life has to offer - as none of us knows what tomorrow will bring. I work very hard to push fear out of my way each morning. I tell myself, "I will not worry until I am told there is something to worry about."
Mike continues to have a positive outlook. He was determined to do all that he could to fight this disease. He is the "polar opposite" of a morning person, yet he rose every morning at 4:00am with no provocation from me. This, to me, was proof positive that he was serious about battling this. He told me, simply, that he was not ready to die. You gotta love that optimism!
I am making a valiant effort to slow down. I have (once again) removed caffeine from my diet and I am working real hard not to "live by the clock". I am bound and determined to enjoy each day.
Wednesday, January 29, 2014
Friday, January 17, 2014
Happy Birthday, Alexandra Michelle
As my first grandchild is about to turn 12, I am flooded with memories and emotions that I decided needed to be written down for posterity....
To my Dear Ally,
I remember so well waiting for you to be born. We all sat in the waiting room while your mom was in labor. So many hours later, we were told you would be delivered via C-Section. I was so happy that you were finally going to be here without any more stress on you or your mom. Your dad came out and announced your arrival and we all hugged and kissed and cried! After a quick peak at you, he sent everyone home, but Papa and I waited around and went to go see your mom to tell her how beautiful you were and what a good job she did. My life changed forever that day.
I made my best effort to come see you every single day. I would rush home from work and Papa and I would hop in the car and I would yell - "faster, faster!" I could not wait to get there to see you and hold you. I sang the same little lullabye every time I came into your room. Soon, you would hear that song and start squealing with laughter because you knew I was there. I always called you "grandma's good girl" - and in turn, you named me, "Guga".
Although "Papa" was your first word (yes, Papa, not mama, not dada), in my heart I knew I was your favorite person in the whole wide world! We had such a special bond right away. I was there for all your "firsts" - first tooth, first word, first step, first haircut, FIRST EVERYTHING!
I remember Papa and I coming to visit you and you saw us through your front door walking up thesteps. You started to jump up and down, clap your hands and scream with delight! I told Papa, "No one loves us like Ally does!!"
Ally, I saw the world differently when you came along. When I was raising your aunts and uncles, I was too busy tending to their needs. When you came along, I was only responsible for loving you and keeping you safe. You taught me to slow down and notice the flowers and the summer moon - things your Papa had been trying to do for years! I would take you bike riding - you on the back of my bike and you would point out the smallest detail in nature. Papa and I go bike riding now - he does the same thing and it always reminds me of you.
I have a picture in my bedroom of you and Papa when he took you kite flying. I can hear your laughter when I look at that photo. You were so amazed and so excited as you yelled, "Higher, Papa, higher!!"
AND, my favorite memory EVER: You were 2 yrs old and your father reprimanded you for something and you called him a JACKASS! He was so angry with you that he put you on the steps for a 2 minute "time out". I was watching the time count down and was so sad for you. When time was up, your dad asked you if you were ready to apologize. You nodded your head, got up and proclaimed, "I am sorry you are a jackass, Daddy!" Recalling this story always makes me laugh out loud.
For years, I made all your Halloween costumes and "special clothes" for Summer camp. My sewing machine was going all the time! One year I made Raggedy Ann and Andy costumes for you and your friend Olivia. I think that was my favorite project.
We took a family trip to Hershey one year. You begged to stay in our room and even though there were 2 beds, you, me and Papa all slept in the same bed - with ME in the middle!! You and Papa slept great....
Not sure you know this, but every night at 7:30 pm an alarm goes off on my phone. A screen appears that says, "Good night, Ally and Ava." And for that instant, I am sending you both all my love and wishing you both pleasant dreams.
There will be other grandchildren (Ava, for instance), and they, too, will be loved with all my heart. They will be special in their own way.... But, there can only be ONE First grandchild, and that is you, my love.
"I carry your heart with me. I carry it in my heart."
Happy Birthday, Ally.
Love, Guga
To my Dear Ally,
I remember so well waiting for you to be born. We all sat in the waiting room while your mom was in labor. So many hours later, we were told you would be delivered via C-Section. I was so happy that you were finally going to be here without any more stress on you or your mom. Your dad came out and announced your arrival and we all hugged and kissed and cried! After a quick peak at you, he sent everyone home, but Papa and I waited around and went to go see your mom to tell her how beautiful you were and what a good job she did. My life changed forever that day.
I made my best effort to come see you every single day. I would rush home from work and Papa and I would hop in the car and I would yell - "faster, faster!" I could not wait to get there to see you and hold you. I sang the same little lullabye every time I came into your room. Soon, you would hear that song and start squealing with laughter because you knew I was there. I always called you "grandma's good girl" - and in turn, you named me, "Guga".
Although "Papa" was your first word (yes, Papa, not mama, not dada), in my heart I knew I was your favorite person in the whole wide world! We had such a special bond right away. I was there for all your "firsts" - first tooth, first word, first step, first haircut, FIRST EVERYTHING!
I remember Papa and I coming to visit you and you saw us through your front door walking up thesteps. You started to jump up and down, clap your hands and scream with delight! I told Papa, "No one loves us like Ally does!!"
Ally, I saw the world differently when you came along. When I was raising your aunts and uncles, I was too busy tending to their needs. When you came along, I was only responsible for loving you and keeping you safe. You taught me to slow down and notice the flowers and the summer moon - things your Papa had been trying to do for years! I would take you bike riding - you on the back of my bike and you would point out the smallest detail in nature. Papa and I go bike riding now - he does the same thing and it always reminds me of you.
I have a picture in my bedroom of you and Papa when he took you kite flying. I can hear your laughter when I look at that photo. You were so amazed and so excited as you yelled, "Higher, Papa, higher!!"
AND, my favorite memory EVER: You were 2 yrs old and your father reprimanded you for something and you called him a JACKASS! He was so angry with you that he put you on the steps for a 2 minute "time out". I was watching the time count down and was so sad for you. When time was up, your dad asked you if you were ready to apologize. You nodded your head, got up and proclaimed, "I am sorry you are a jackass, Daddy!" Recalling this story always makes me laugh out loud.
For years, I made all your Halloween costumes and "special clothes" for Summer camp. My sewing machine was going all the time! One year I made Raggedy Ann and Andy costumes for you and your friend Olivia. I think that was my favorite project.
We took a family trip to Hershey one year. You begged to stay in our room and even though there were 2 beds, you, me and Papa all slept in the same bed - with ME in the middle!! You and Papa slept great....
Not sure you know this, but every night at 7:30 pm an alarm goes off on my phone. A screen appears that says, "Good night, Ally and Ava." And for that instant, I am sending you both all my love and wishing you both pleasant dreams.
There will be other grandchildren (Ava, for instance), and they, too, will be loved with all my heart. They will be special in their own way.... But, there can only be ONE First grandchild, and that is you, my love.
"I carry your heart with me. I carry it in my heart."
Happy Birthday, Ally.
Love, Guga
Thursday, January 09, 2014
Christmas Angels
My beautiful granddaughters
Ally nearly 12
Ava 7 1/2
"I carry your hearts with me... I carry them in my heart"
Ava 7 1/2
"I carry your hearts with me... I carry them in my heart"
Wednesday, January 08, 2014
And now we heal...
Mike finished his last treatment yesterday. It was a LONG 6+ weeks, but it is over. God bless Allison who drove him these last couple weeks as he was too weak to go it alone. They would both get up at 4:00am to make that trek into the city. On his good days, he would critique her driving skills. On his "not-so-good" days, he would just sleep back and forth. Happy to say, they have both survived the experience and I am sure they have pockets full of memories, as well.
Brandy nudged me at 4:00am this morning.... I forgot to let her know that we don't have to get moving that early anymore. She was a good pup and went right back to sleep as I told her, "Not today, Brandy."
The doctor said Mike's side effects will worsen these next 2 weeks, then begin to wane. You know the expression, "When you are going through hell, KEEP GOING!" - So, that is what we will do - we will look ahead, taking one day at a time...and we will eventually get on the "healing path". They will do another scan in 4 months.
I am not sure if this experience has 'changed' us or just helped to elevate other emotions that have been sitting idle. I see the kids working together, but then again, they always have, I just never really paid attention to it. I see Mike and I grateful for each day together, but we never took our lives for granted. We felt the outpouring of love and caring from friends and extended family..... I am sure it was all there before, but they all came through with cards, texts, emails, phone calls, etc. when we needed it most.
My Mr. Wonderful is a humble man. He would tear up with every gesture of support. He is both awed and grateful by the attention.
I will shout it from the highest mountain, :THANK YOU to everyone who held us up when we were struggling to make it through the day.
Below is a picture of the mask that Mike wore during his treatments. He was bolted down to the table each day.
Brandy nudged me at 4:00am this morning.... I forgot to let her know that we don't have to get moving that early anymore. She was a good pup and went right back to sleep as I told her, "Not today, Brandy."
The doctor said Mike's side effects will worsen these next 2 weeks, then begin to wane. You know the expression, "When you are going through hell, KEEP GOING!" - So, that is what we will do - we will look ahead, taking one day at a time...and we will eventually get on the "healing path". They will do another scan in 4 months.
I am not sure if this experience has 'changed' us or just helped to elevate other emotions that have been sitting idle. I see the kids working together, but then again, they always have, I just never really paid attention to it. I see Mike and I grateful for each day together, but we never took our lives for granted. We felt the outpouring of love and caring from friends and extended family..... I am sure it was all there before, but they all came through with cards, texts, emails, phone calls, etc. when we needed it most.
My Mr. Wonderful is a humble man. He would tear up with every gesture of support. He is both awed and grateful by the attention.
I will shout it from the highest mountain, :THANK YOU to everyone who held us up when we were struggling to make it through the day.
Below is a picture of the mask that Mike wore during his treatments. He was bolted down to the table each day.
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