Kissing 2019 Good-bye!

I originally wanted to title this post, "When Grief Subsides".... but that hasn't happened yet.  And I've come to realize that it may never subside.  It will just be a part of who I am now.  But I have successfully learned how to put it in a box, on a high shelf in my brain....seldom to be opened. 

This has been an interesting holiday season.  Lots of ups and downs, laughter and tears.  It was a joy to see my grandchildren squeal with delight as they opened their presents.  It is always fun to be around my irreverent children as they find humor in every little thing (nothing is sacred or off limits).  And my tears would flow at the most inopportune moments, for no conventional reason. 

I can think of lots of things that were crappy in 2019, but I decided it is better to reflect on what was good:  

• My newest granddaughter, Riley, arrived.  She is a joy and helps heal my heart
• I bought a new car - one that I picked out ALONE
• I bought a house  - MY HOME.  It is a constant reminder that I am ok
• I realized how blessed I was to be able to rely on the strong faith of others to get me through some dark days
• I saw how old friends gathered around me when I needed them most... just to share a laugh
• I met some wonderful new neighbors that quickly became friends/extended family
• I have learned that I am a LOT stronger than I ever dreamt I could be

Although I can see my many blessing of this past year, I am very happy to put it all to rest and begin a new year with anticipation of the good things that await me.  Yes, I am starting 2020 with hope and a smile.

Happy(?) Anniversary

Today, Mr. Wonderful and I would have celebrated our 42nd wedding anniversary.  We celebrated 38 of them together.  Today, I celebrate it alone.

I woke up with a flood of memories  - both good and "not so good".  You can't re-write history.  We were 2 crazy, love-struck kids when we got married.  We were young, poor, and full of dreams.  Family was always our top priority.  It is hard for me to remember what life was like before we were together.  I am so glad we stuck it out through good times and bad times, richer and poorer, sickness and health (and we had it all!).  It wasn't always easy, but we both worked at it everyday.  There is no doubt about the love we had for each other.

I always told our kids that marriage was not 50/50 - Divorce is 50/50!  I told them to please enter into marriage expecting to give 90% and only get back 10%, and they will never be disappointed.  I was lucky.... I always got back more than I expected. 

Happy Anniversary, Mr. Wonderful.  Thanks for the memories.