Thursday, August 15, 2019

Peace comes from within

I thought I knew how to grieve - apparently NOT!

When Mr. Wonderful died, I ran the gamut - I cried, I got angry, I made peace.... I did that over and over until acceptance kicked in.  So, naturally, when the Prince died, I figured it would be the same way.  I was SO wrong.

I cry and I get angry - but there has been no peace.... 

My kids are mourning the loss of a wonderful man who made their mother smile, a man who became their friend, a man who became a grandfather to their children  - in essence, a man they truly loved and loved them back.   They are surrounding me with support and a fierce will to protect me.  They understand my second loss in 4 years and are fearful of me spiraling into a black hole of depression.

So why don't I have peace?   I could get all philosophical here... but the truth is, peace comes from within.   I finally put the pieces together:  


  • I cannot have peace when my kids are worried about me.  I need to show them that I am okay.



  • I cannot have peace while I am living in what used to be "our home".  Whereas the Prince made it clear to his children that I am permitted to live here for as long as I want; when he died it ceased being "our home".  It is now an empty shell... a piece of real estate to be sold to the highest bidder. 


Today, I close on my new home.  A home I purchased by myself for myself.  Today, I will show the world (and my kids) that I am okay.  As that old saying goes, "Today is truly the first day of the rest of my life.... my new life."  

Today, I am at peace.




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