Resting in Peace

It's been three weeks, but it is all still so surreal to me....

It was just before Memorial Day weekend.  Mike was getting a little worse each day.  On Wednesday night, he was struggling to swallow pills to kill his pain.  He finally agreed to let me call Hospice in the morning.  Hospice arrived on Thursday and hooked him up to a pain pump that evening.

He slept comfortably Thursday night and Friday was uneventful.  The kids were at the house all weekend.  I knew they would find comfort being there and with eachother.  Allison's friend was so thoughtful as to have food delivered all weekend for us. 

The kids took turns sitting on the bed talking to Mike.  He had alone time with each of them and we had a lot of together time in the room, also.  He alternated between sleep and awake.  His pain was under control.  We each made a special memory with him, I am sure.

On Monday morning, I exited my bathroom just to see his smiling face and hear him say, "Good morning, beautiful".  While I was showering, he got out of bed and got dressed.  He called me to him and gave me the best hug.  I asked him why he was dressed and he said, "Oh, I'm going."  I said, "Going where?"  "Going to sleep." he replied.

The kids arrived on Monday.  They were so happy to see him all dressed.  He even insisted on walking into the livingroom to be with them all.  He put his hands on my shoulders and walked behind me.  We walked passed the hallway mirror and I stopped to do a cha-cha step, him laughing all the way!  He announced to the kids, "Dead man walking!"  When he finally sat in the chair, he dropped his head to the side as if to "fake his death."  A sense of humor, right to the end, what a gift for us all!  Towards the end of the evening he said to me in a semi-whisper, "Why are they all still here?!?"  At one point, he drew me close and held me tight and said, "Come with me?"  I told him I still had so much to do here, but it was ok with me if he went first and saved a place for me.

He was pretty restless Monday night and Tuesday morning.  He was not really conscious at all by Tuesday afternoon.  The kids all came and I sent them home.  I just laid next to him, holding his hand and stroking his hair.  I talked to him for hours.  I reassured him that it was okay for him to go.  I reminded him that we raised great kids who would always make us proud.  I told him to please keep  his promise to watch over me and I promised to never stop looking for the signs that he was with me.  He quietly slipped away....

My quiet, unassuming, humble husband was honored by over 300 people at the wake/funeral.  What a testament to the man he was.....