In the days, weeks and months that followed my saddest days, my cousins all helped pave the way to my new life. It was such a comfort to know they were all just a phone call away, yet, I never had to reach out at all - they all stayed with me... at an arm's length.
Getting through this first year of holidays has been an emotional chore. Trying to balance the need to grieve and the necessity to be strong for my kids has been exhausting. Often, I could not find the strength and the kids had to hold me up. Since then, I have been working overtime to prove to them, and myself, that I will survive. I am strong, I am different. I am!
After Christmas, I decided I needed to break tradition a bit. I took off for 4 days and went to visit cousins in North Jersey. These boys are truly like brothers to me. I am grateful that they live within a mile of each other and it turned out to be a 4 day mini family reunion. We went from house to house - and all the "second generation cousins" (their kids) made appearances the whole time. This was a major step in my growth. It was a true realization that I am alone.... not in a bad way.... I am just alone.
If I want to go away for the weekend. I go. No one to ask, no one to discuss it with. I just go. AND I GO A LOT!!! Perhaps I am running away? Perhaps I am searching for something? Who's to say... this works for me right now. Thankfully, I have cousins near and far - and I can travel as close or as far as I need to be on any given weekend.
Visited Cousins in North Jersey. Visited Cousins in Daytona. Visiting cousins in Utah.
Next on the agenda: cousins in the rest of New Jersey!
Getting through this first year of holidays has been an emotional chore. Trying to balance the need to grieve and the necessity to be strong for my kids has been exhausting. Often, I could not find the strength and the kids had to hold me up. Since then, I have been working overtime to prove to them, and myself, that I will survive. I am strong, I am different. I am!
After Christmas, I decided I needed to break tradition a bit. I took off for 4 days and went to visit cousins in North Jersey. These boys are truly like brothers to me. I am grateful that they live within a mile of each other and it turned out to be a 4 day mini family reunion. We went from house to house - and all the "second generation cousins" (their kids) made appearances the whole time. This was a major step in my growth. It was a true realization that I am alone.... not in a bad way.... I am just alone.
If I want to go away for the weekend. I go. No one to ask, no one to discuss it with. I just go. AND I GO A LOT!!! Perhaps I am running away? Perhaps I am searching for something? Who's to say... this works for me right now. Thankfully, I have cousins near and far - and I can travel as close or as far as I need to be on any given weekend.
Visited Cousins in North Jersey. Visited Cousins in Daytona. Visiting cousins in Utah.
Next on the agenda: cousins in the rest of New Jersey!
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