In my desperate attempt to get through each day with my usual optimistic demeanor, I find that the simplest of actions can reduce me to tears. I am learning that it is okay to cry. My cousin told me that I have to hurt, so I can heal.
Storchevoy Sundays have come and gone. They started off a little quieter than usual, but the volume is starting to pick up. I sit in Mike's chair at the head of the table now. I could not leave an empty chair, and no one else would dare sit there. It was awkward at first, but it seems ok now.
Allison and I cooked for hours for the 4th of July. It was our first cooking marathon in a long while and it was totally therapeutic. God Bless Lisa who followed us around the kitchen and cleaned up after us all day long. The party came off without a hitch and the food was fabulous - we all missed Mike, and eventually, the day passed.
This weekend, I will go to my cousin's son's wedding. I am looking forward to seeing the entire extended family. I will be surrounded by people all weekend, yet I will be alone. Mike and I booked this hotel a year ago.... "A weekend get-away with the bonus of a wedding". As was our usual practice, we went everywhere we were invited, no questions asked. The thought never occurred to me to cancel these plans. Life goes on.... this wedding will happen with or without me, but I was invited, and I will be there. Mike will be missed.... and the day will pass.
Healing is long process. One day at a time is all I can manage.
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