Easter - an time for renewal

As Easter approached, I found myself starting to creep towards that "rabbit hole" of depression.  Tears would flow for no apparent reason.  I was starting to feel angry.  I was barely sleeping.  I thought, to myself, this was typical as another holiday was upon us.

In talking to a good friend, questions were being posed to me.  Why was I angry?  Who was I angry with, Mike or God?  What was different this week?  Why would I cry and not know why? - 

(I am lucky to have people in my life who will ask the hard questions.)

I tackled those questions like a highly motivated Catholic School Girl with an urgent assignment!  Sure, Easter was nearly here, another freaking holiday alone.  Yes, I have so many people in my life, but I am still alone - and that is why I am angry.  I was a WONDERFUL wife.  I loved being Mike's wife.  I was good at it.  It was the best part of my life.  It just seems so wrong that I am without him now.  Was I angry with Mike?  - Absolutely NOT.  I know how much that man loved me.  He never wanted to leave me.  Perhaps, God and I still need to sort things out.....

My friend (in a very firm voice) then reminded me of a couple things:  I had 39 years of being in love.  How many people can say that?  I have incredible children.  I have my good health. I have a loving extended family who all watch over me.  I have a great job and I am financially stable.   (Sometimes, it takes an outsider to state the obvious.)

Brandy and I went to the beach after work yesterday.  The sun, the sand, the vastness of the ocean.... all gifts from God - along with special people in my life who help me to stay on track.

I think the next step in my grief is to make peace with God.