Glass House

I never wanted this blog to be about my new status as a widow..... but there are a few observations that need to be addressed.

I have always been a strong willed, independent person.  Sure, I discussed things with Mr. W, but we generally saw eye-to-eye on most things.  His was the only opinion that ever mattered to me.

Since I am alone, I have found that everyone has an opinion on how I should live my life.  I know that people 'mean well' (whatever that means).  But, seriously, unless you have been widowed, you cannot possibly understand my life right now and why you would ever offer life suggestions  befuddles (great word!) me.

Some  suggestions I've heard:
You need to get rid of this big house
You must keep the house now
You don't need those dogs now
You need to keep those dogs for company
You are doing too much
You are not doing enough
You need to get  rid of that car
Take off your wedding ring
Don't take off your wedding ring
You are not getting enough sleep
You need to eat more
You need to go to therapy
You need to find a support group
You need a companion
It is too soon for a companion

To my happily married friends:
Mike and I had a good marriage.  We were truly in love and treasured each other.  'Being in love' was the best part of my life.  This may surprise you all, but I know I would like to experience that again one day.  I will always love Mike, but he is gone from this earth.  I am here and I want to continue living.

To my unhappily married friends:
I know there is a part of you that thinks I have a good life now.  I come and go as I please.  I accept every invitation without having to 'run it by anyone'.  I hop on a plane at a moment's notice.  If I want chips and beer for dinner, so be it.   I watch whatever I want on TV.  I can blast my music through the house.  Just remember, at the end of the day, I come home to an empty house and climb into my bed and sleep alone, night after night....

To all the 'well meaning' folks out there:
My whole life changed in an instant.   There is no way to prepare to be a widow.  I was really good at being a wife - I have been trying very hard to figure out how NOT to do that now.  When did my life become an open book, open for discussion?  Until you've walked in my shoes, please do not judge me.  

I am not the same person I was a year ago.  I will never be that person again.  I was broken and I am now putting my pieces back together - I am putting them back differently now....  I am fearless...