Grandparenting

 We have 2 granddaughters (ages 5 & 7) that live 1/2 mile from us.  We go there every school/camp  morning to prepare them for their day.   We've been doing this since Covid settled down enough for the kids to go back to school.  I say "we" because He ALWAYS accompanies me, has never missed a day.  

The mornings always run smoothly (on our end) as we each have our tasks to complete.  I make sure they eat enough, dress them and do their hair in an "acceptable" style.  He brushes their teeth, walks the dog and carries their schoolbags.  There are some mornings that we finish early enough that we can do something together (when I can pry them away from the TV).   We have colored, played school, exercised, and had more dance parties than we can count!

When we return home, we generally sit for a while and discuss our morning.  Sometimes, we smile and reminisce about the laughter.  On occasion, we are amazed that it is only 10:00am as it seems as though that morning routine took forever!  We realize that these special times are not going to last ..... they will grow and not need us there.  We are just hoping to leave them with fun memories that will always make them smile.    ( I know I will always remember the girls taking turns combing HIS hair and adorning him with hairbows.   He's a good sport.)

It happened again....

It has been a long time since I've written a heartfelt blog post.  Life has given me more than my share of blessings and heartbreak.  

I met a wonderful man... He was a friend of a mutual friend.   Our first meeting was quite casual, at a small gathering at that friend's house.   At the end of the evening, he walked me to my car, hugged me and said "I'll call you".  

Five days later, he arrived at my home, dressed to kill with flowers in his hand.  Upon greeting me, he put his hand around my waist and kissed me saying, "I've been waiting for days to do that."  We went to dinner and closed the restaurant simply talking.  He brought me home and we continued talking 'til 3am, when I asked him to leave (in the nicest possible way!).

When he arrived for our second date, he took a long time to get to my front door... when he finally came in he said, "I was looking at the yard to see where we will put the garden".  I simply laughed it off.  I'm pretty sure it was the next time he came over and as we were sitting in the living room talking, Allison came home (around midnight) and said, "Are you my new dad?" - He jumped up from his chair, outstreched his arms and exclaimed, "DAUGHTER!" and hugged her.   She proceeded to grill him for 20 minutes and finally said, "You're okay.  I'll make you an sandwich now!" 

We continued to see each other regularly.  He nursed me through 2 knee surgeries.  Then Covid hit.  He brought me groceries so I would never have to venture out.  One time, I had a particularly good week at work and said "I wish we could go out and celebrate!" - but Covid had denied me that .... However, that evening, he showed up in a sports jacket, with flowers in hand saying, "Madam, your date is here to ensure you a wonderful evening" - (Seriously, you can't make this stuff up).

It was so nice for us to become 'returning Catholics' and go to church each week.  We are so grateful for the life we share and found a way to 'give back' by being involved (behind the scenes) at our Parish.   

Yes, we are a couple.  Yes, he's asked me to marry him.  Yes, we have a fabulous vegetable garden and extraordinary flowers.  We are blessed.  

You can’t make old friends

 You can't make old friends

It was at my 40th High School Reunion that I saw some old friends again. Our paths had not crossed in those subsequent 40 years. It felt good to open those doors once again. Life got in the way of me reaching out to those wonderful women, until I ran into one of the girls at the beach. I've been going to that same beach, in the same spot for years. I am sure there was some divine intervention that day!

We sat and talked for a long time and I suggested we reach out to the other girls and do a simple "get together" at my home in the near future. That first gathering was 6 years ago. It was a wonderful day - a "meeting of the minds" as these women shared their stories. Something special happened that day. An unbreakable chain was formed. Since that day (and up until the pandemic) we've come together for dinners, shows, birthdays, and even funerals. We have formed a strong network, and a safe place to reach out to one another. We have laughed with each other, cried together and prayed for each other. 

I have such respect for these women. Each one has a story and we have all walked different paths, yet we wound up together....

My Faith Has Been Tested

 I was raised Catholic.  My family went to Church on Sundays.  I went to 12 years of Catholic School.  I know the Catechism inside and out.  I am pretty sure I could say an entire Mass without any prompting.  I can recite all the Catholic Holidays and their meanings.  I actually understand what the Holy Trinity is.  I raised my kids Catholic and we went to Church pretty regularly until the last kid made his Confirmation.  It was at that point I figured I did all I could to give them a good foundation and the rest was up to them.

My faith was tested many times throughout the years.  The Catholic Church Scandals did not help at all.  In my more sane moments, I reasoned that God was separate from the "men" that ran the "Church".   I concluded that the Church was a flawed constitution, but God was a common core in all religions. 

In my saddest times, I have turned to God.  In my happiest moments, I praise God.  Every morning, I thank God for all my blessings. My belief system has changed radically throughout the years.  I have many doubts and questions.  The only thing I DO know is that I turn to God often.  Does that make me a good Catholic?  I think not.  I think I am just a person who believes in God.  And, for now, that is enough. 

The Lake

 I see my granddaughters enjoying every Disney movie - watching them over and over again.  They have all the princess dresses and sing every soundtrack.  I imagine taking them on vacation to Disney in the future.

We did not 'go on vacation' when I was growing up.  We went to our summer house at "The Lake" in New Jersey.  We left the day after school ended and returned to Long Island the day before school started in September.  My cousins had the house next door.  My other cousins were about a mile away.  Our weekdays were filled with swimming lessons and organized sports.  We went to the beach everyday.  Weekends were spent with extended family.  There was always a BBQ and a bonfire.  A neighbor would come over with his guitar and song sheets for everyone.   My cousins were my best friends.  A rainy day meant hours of monopoly together.

Each year afforded us more "privileges".  First it meant going to the beach unescorted by a parent.  In later years, it meant meeting our peers at the beach after dinner.  Eventually, I became a lifeguard - I was one of the FIRST female lifeguards at the lake.  I remember arguing with the Lifeguard Supervisor because the guy that was hired with me was getting 10 cents more and hour "because he was a boy!"  Here it is 50 years later and that still aggravates me!!  LOL.

Eventually, my dad sold our house, but my Aunt and Uncle still had the house next to ours.  After I had children, I would take them there every Summer for a week - their "summer vacation".  It was my happy place and I was thrilled to give a piece of that to my children.  

Disney might have lots of rides and attractions, but "The Lake" will always be my vacation of choice. 

The Biggest Little Blessings

I am so blessed to live less than a mile from my little granddaughters. They are on the verge of turning 3 and 5. I am so lucky to have such an active role in their lives.

Each morning, we eagerly head there to get them dressed, feed them breakfast and get them off to “school”. I am not just a “grandma”, I am helping to raise them. I am not someone they “visit” once in a while… I get to comb their hair and watch them brush their teeth. I sing songs with them every morning , always with an ulterior motive… The Alphabet, Days of the week, Months of the year, Please and Thank you….

I applaud their milestones - no matter how insignificant they may appear on the surface. I wipe their tears, laugh with them and send them to time-out when necessary. I sometimes giggle to myself during the day when I recall something funny that happened that morning. They are smart, strong-willed, beautiful individuals. I THINK my kids were, too - but I was too busy being a “Mom” to notice.

I love that they LOVE to come to my house. They have a bedroom to call their own. It is filled with toys and books, a piano and a kitchen! There is a drawer in my kitchen that is full of “approved” snacks and they can help themselves. Just like when my kids were growing up, they are in my kitchen when I am in there. Whether they are “washing” dishes or helping me cook, the laughter is always the best sound that emerges.

I have a good life, I have so much to be thankful for - but Jamie and Riley are my biggest, little blessings.

The Greatest Influencers

My grandparents played a huge role in my upbringing.  One set of grandparents lived with us for years.  My Grandfather tended to the garden in the back yard and raised the most beautiful flowers in the front yard.  His day was complete when he washed down the driveway each evening with the hose.  I don't recall him saying much, but I do remember watching TV and playing cards with him most evenings before bed.  I first saw the Beatles on the Ed Sullivan show beside my grandparents..... I don't think he was too impressed!

My Grandmother was my best friend those years.  I don't think she had much education, but she taught me something new nearly everyday.  To this day, my kitchen is my happy place because of her.  I remember grating tons of cheese nearly every weekend, that was my first lesson!  She taught me about making  'Gravy' and the secrets of good meatballs..."Don't skimp on the cheese!!"   To this day, I use a cast iron frying pan as she did and I can still hear her..."Don't touch them until they are fully cooked on that side!"

She taught me how to wash dishes (apparently, there is a "right way") and I still wash a loaded sink in the order I was taught.  I remember standing on a little stool as she taught me how to iron handkerchiefs, then graduating to pillowcases before I learned the proper way to iron the endless pile of white button down shirts.  She loved me unconditionally, while never spoiling me.  

My other set of grandparents lived in Brooklyn.  We made that trip most Sundays, after church, in our finest clothes to gather with that side of the family.  My grandparents owned the apartment house - 3 of the 4 apartments were filled with relatives!  We gathered in the basement at a long table - mostly saw horses and plywood covered in assorted tablecloths.  We never used paper plates, and none of the pasta bowls matched, but the food was always plentiful, homemade and delicious.  We were with our cousins so often that we literally grew up together.  You can never sever a bond like that.  

Becoming a Grandmother was one of the greatest joys I have ever known.  I am blessed to have an active role in my granddaughters' lives.  I only hope I also leave a memorable impression on them throughout the years.... 

Learn to Hit the Curveballs

 A Message to my kids as I turn 65....

I met your dad when I was 19 years old.  I was so sure he was "the one", so making a lifetime commitment was not hard at all.  

I always said that he was the dreamer and I was the realist.   In reality, I think I was a bit of a dreamer too. We had our ups and downs, trials and tribulations  - but there was never a doubt about the love we shared.  In my mind, we were going to grow old together and enjoy our "senior years" spoiling grandchildren.

Then life threw me a curveball... In order to stay in the game, I had to learn to keep my eye on that ball and hit it out of the park.  I refused to sit on the sidelines and let life pass me by....

Life is short - live your best life everyday.

and life goes on

 My mother has been gone a year.  Hardly seems real since there was no funeral.  Covid robbed her of the send off she deserved... she was the last of her generation.  All  her siblings had their fond farewell.  It saddens me that she did not get her final good-bye.

Funerals are not for the dead, they are for the living.  They help families grieve.  They remind us how precious life is.  My mom was the youngest of her family.  It was fitting that she was the last to go.  She would have been 90 just 6 weeks after her passing.  I'd like to imagine her brother and sisters greeted her at the pearly gates with welcoming hugs.  

Things were so simple all those years ago.... Sunday dinners in Grandma's basement.  Always macaroni and meatballs..... none of the dishes matched.... everyone was dressed up... it was loud... there was a lot of love in that room...

My first cousins, siblings and I are the "old folks" now.  We are the matriarchs and patriarchs... the old aunts and uncles.  Those are big shoes to fill.  

Still learning

It has been months since I've posted something.  The pandemic has been so prevalent this past year, and I just did not want to write about it - YET, it effected every aspect of my life.

The arrival of Spring (and my Covid vaccine) has given me hope of a "normal" lifestyle, once again.  Lord knows, I've had to define "normal" several times these past years.... I'm good at it now!

Whereas I have always been cognizant and grateful for my blessings, this past year has taught me a lot:

• EVERYDAY is precious.  
• I am working hard to disregard 'the small stuff'.  
• I have learned that dinner does not have to be a production.... but some simple nourishment. 
• My granddaughters are growing up so quickly - therefore I never skip an opportunity to get on the floor and play with them.  
• I wear the good clothes - even if we are just sitting in the living room - what am I saving them for?
• I look at my watch a lot less - and notice the flowers a lot more.
• I take better care of myself now... I actually see a doctor now and then to keep my blood pressure under control.
• I have removed deadlines from my life - they serve no purpose at this stage of my life.  
• My dad used to say, "you don't need a lot of money, you just need enough money".  I worry about money a lot less these days...

I will continue my efforts to live a happy life - I only have one shot at this and I intend on doing it with a smile.

Time for an update?

Surely,  I've done something note worthy lately....

Spring was strange - no family parties. Easter and Mother's Day were a blur of memories of my family walking past my house and waving to me from the sidewalk.

Summer was different - no outdoor concerts, no lazy days at the beach, no family parties... 

Fall is here - we have successfully learned how to socialize during this crazy pandemic.  Masks are worn in groups of strangers - and we keep the "mask-free" socializing down to just a few close friends.... 

Note-worthy:   I have opened my heart to love yet again......  There have been dinners at home, neighborhood bike rides, walks in the park, sunset picnics at the beach, endless car rides to no where in particular, lots of online shopping, and many hours of conversation...   

As "he" says, "This is our last go-around, let's make it count".... and we are....

5 years already

To My Mr. Wonderful

You've been gone 5 years now... how can that be?  I was so broken when you died... but life went on.

Our children amaze me all the time.  They roll with the punches and laugh with each other often.  It is so nice to see that they are all such good friends.  They have continued to watch over me without clipping my wings.  They are loving and supportive.  It is so obvious that you are present in our everyday lives.  The kids quote you and still make fun of you every chance they get.  It makes me smile to see that their tears have been replaced with belly laughs.  It is evident that they inherited what was good in both of us.

Your granddaughters are amazing.  I know you are watching over them (and please continue to do so!)  They are the lights that shine no matter what is happening around us.  

There have been so many changes in my life... but most importantly, I am happy.  I can look back without tears.... there are too many reasons to smile.   I still jump out of bed in the mornings, raring to go.  I continue to fall asleep mid sentence, sometimes while texting one of our kids.  I still forget to give the dog water, but she has her way of reminding me!  I am still backing the car into the driveway and letting my gas tank get too low before filling up...

I have healed.  I have a good life.  I am blessed to be surrounded by good people.

Rest in peace, my love...

Pandemic

So I've been officially in isolation for over 2 months.  (My quarantine started a little earlier than most due to knee surgery.)  

What I have learned these past 2 months:

• I don't mind staying home.  I like my house.  
• I am a social person - and I miss seeing people.
• I am all about the hugs and kisses - I miss touching others and being touched.  
• My brain can rationalize the situation and it works very hard to convince my heart to comply.
• I am grateful that my kids and I have the gift of humor and can find something to laugh about in nearly every situation.

There are a lot of things that I could find to complain about.... but optimism is my gift.  These are not unbearable circumstances.  It will come to an end one day.  

Perhaps, everyone will come to realize how precious life is... something I learned many years ago.

I am not the same

As I try to resume my life, making the best of each day, I come across a new revelation almost daily.

Here I am, nicely in my 60's, and for the first time for as long as I can remember, I am comfortable with myself.  There are no rules in my life anymore.  I am only responsible for me.  I only answer to me.

I recently had a knee injury that required surgery.  Whereas I was accompanied by an offspring to every doctor's appointment, all decisions were mine.... there was no "pillow talk" discussing pros and cons.  There was no planning.  Yes, my kids are entirely supportive, but it was obvious to me that I was in this alone.  I instructed the kids to "pull the plug" should anything go wrong - and they so nicely put my mind at ease telling me that they would fight over who gets to pull the actual plug.
Although humorous and comforting (and this was a non-life-threatening procedure) - it was a smack of reality.  

I am embracing the freedom I have... there are no "wrong" decisions.  I come and go as I please.  I surround myself with the people who make me laugh.  I eat when and what I want - and sometimes, it is potato chips and scotch for dinner!  I have noticed that I've changed the way I dress, as well.  Maybe that was an unconscious decision just so I could see the outward changes in the "new me". 

There is no handbook in life.  We all have different experiences that shape us into the person we eventually become.  The "old me" just does not exist anymore.    I have noticed that no matter how many things change in my life, there are some things that continue to remain constant: my family is important and I must surround myself with optimism and gratitude. 

I am thinking that I have just begun to evolve... again.  "Bring it on.... I'm fearless!"

Does everybody have a neighbor like this?

I moved into an old fashioned neighborhood.  Within 2 days, every neighbor came over to welcome me.  I feel safe here.  9 out of 10 of my neighbors have dogs.  All of my neighbors carry treats in their pockets for each other's dogs.  Everyone knows the names of all the dogs who live here.... I love how people come by and say, "Hi, Brandy!".... or how my next door neighbor came home from work the other day and said, "Love your new haircut, Brandy".

I work from home.... I hear cars passing by.  In the Fall, I hear the High School marching band practicing outside (1/2 mile away).  I hear nannies pushing strollers.  I hear the Amazon delivery guy as he puts packages on my front porch.  I hear life happening all around, everyday.  

To that one guy who has:

• filed a complaint to the town regarding my neighbor's dog:  That dog is 12 yes old.  He is seldom outside - how dare you say that he is continuously barking!
• 
  
• complained to another neighbor about his dogs being out all day barking:  My neighbors both work!  Their mother comes over to let the dogs out once a day, and brings them back in the house again!
• 
  
• spoken to my children about how Brandy's barking is interfering with his quality of life: My dog is 10 years old (one year older that her life expectancy!) - She is rarely outside alone and only barks when she is protecting my property!
• 
  
• filed a complaint to the town regarding my dog:  She only hates you!  In what universe is it ok for you to come to my fence, provoke my dog, then videotape her barking at you?
• 
  
• complained to one neighbor about another neighbor's wind chimes: SERIOUSLY, Bro?? I see is no ordinance about wind chimes....

... I am waiting for an Amazon delivery today.... we may all be getting new wind chimes.......

**update: one week after this was posted, this neighbor put his house up for sale**

A New Year, A Better ME

I made a resolution to leave all the crap from 2019 in 2019.... It was not entering 2020 with me. I decided to spend 2020 living my life, my way.

I still have the right to be an emotional mess - but I did that last year.  It was not fun and I will do everything in my power never to revisit that destination again.  Shit happened. I dealt with it.  I packed it away.

January has come to a close:  

• I celebrated my birthday several times:  A slumber party with a dozen High School Friends (which deserves it's own blog post!), visits from my children, and a Blind Date. 
• I went on an epic vacation with my best friend. Punta Cana will always remember us.
• I started walking each morning.  I'm never gonna be skinny, this body is what it is...  but I want to be able to chase my granddaughters on a playground and dance for hours to live music without getting winded.
• I made a decision to never turn down an invitation... so I went out a lot... and I will continue to do so. 

Life is short.  Life is fragile.  Life is for the living.  I am determined to live my best life everyday.  

I talk to strangers

I just returned from a week's vacation in Punta Cana.  My "sister from another mister", Rose, was my partner in crime.  Rarely do you find a friend who loves you unconditionally... we are lucky to have each other.  We walk the same path and continually encourage each other to keep moving forward.

 Not only were we perfect roommates for each other,  our laughter made us a magnet for other vacationers:


To the Massachusetts Couple:  Thank you for sharing your heartfelt story, your warmth and smiles.  Hearing how you reconnected after so many years was like listening to a real life fairy tale.  If it's possible, you made drinking and dancing way more fun for us.  

To the Canada Couple:   LOVED hearing your story.... especially the part where he has her dinner waiting for her each night.... I am so glad you found each other.  Remembering his Scottish brogue and her hearty laughter will always make my heart happy.

To the London traveler: Thanks for enduring all my nicknames for you: Mr. London, London Bridge, Blue Shorts.... So glad we had the opportunity for some deep conversations... I wish a fairy tale for you - I hope you find your princess.  Life is better when shared.  The little English man who lives in my GPS is now named Alex.

To my Canada Couple with the same first names:  You will never know how much you touched my heart.  We exchanged stories with laughter, and sometimes with tear filled eyes.  We had an immediate connection.   Seeing polka dot socks will always remind me of you and your wedding story.  Your gentle kindness will always be with me.  As Dorothy said to the Scarecrow: "I'm gonna miss you most of all".

Whoever said, "Don't talk to strangers!" was SO wrong.  Everyone I meet in life has the potential to leave an impression on my soul.  I have found that going through life with my head up and a smile is  an invitation for people to reach out... 

Kissing 2019 Good-bye!

I originally wanted to title this post, "When Grief Subsides".... but that hasn't happened yet.  And I've come to realize that it may never subside.  It will just be a part of who I am now.  But I have successfully learned how to put it in a box, on a high shelf in my brain....seldom to be opened. 

This has been an interesting holiday season.  Lots of ups and downs, laughter and tears.  It was a joy to see my grandchildren squeal with delight as they opened their presents.  It is always fun to be around my irreverent children as they find humor in every little thing (nothing is sacred or off limits).  And my tears would flow at the most inopportune moments, for no conventional reason. 

I can think of lots of things that were crappy in 2019, but I decided it is better to reflect on what was good:  

• My newest granddaughter, Riley, arrived.  She is a joy and helps heal my heart
• I bought a new car - one that I picked out ALONE
• I bought a house  - MY HOME.  It is a constant reminder that I am ok
• I realized how blessed I was to be able to rely on the strong faith of others to get me through some dark days
• I saw how old friends gathered around me when I needed them most... just to share a laugh
• I met some wonderful new neighbors that quickly became friends/extended family
• I have learned that I am a LOT stronger than I ever dreamt I could be

Although I can see my many blessing of this past year, I am very happy to put it all to rest and begin a new year with anticipation of the good things that await me.  Yes, I am starting 2020 with hope and a smile.

Happy(?) Anniversary

Today, Mr. Wonderful and I would have celebrated our 42nd wedding anniversary.  We celebrated 38 of them together.  Today, I celebrate it alone.

I woke up with a flood of memories  - both good and "not so good".  You can't re-write history.  We were 2 crazy, love-struck kids when we got married.  We were young, poor, and full of dreams.  Family was always our top priority.  It is hard for me to remember what life was like before we were together.  I am so glad we stuck it out through good times and bad times, richer and poorer, sickness and health (and we had it all!).  It wasn't always easy, but we both worked at it everyday.  There is no doubt about the love we had for each other.

I always told our kids that marriage was not 50/50 - Divorce is 50/50!  I told them to please enter into marriage expecting to give 90% and only get back 10%, and they will never be disappointed.  I was lucky.... I always got back more than I expected. 

Happy Anniversary, Mr. Wonderful.  Thanks for the memories.  

You can't make Old Friends

Had some old friends over this past weekend.  I like to call them the "High School Crew".  I am blessed to have these women in my life now.  High School is a blur to me...  We are all grown up now and our lives have nicely intertwined.

Through the wonders of Facebook, we celebrate every milestone in each other's lives - weddings, births, retirements, etc. -  as we do with all our other FB 'Friends'.   But, this group is unique because we provide a safe place to vent, rant, rave, grieve and anything else we need to do - and we support each other unconditionally.  (This is definitely NOT High School behavior.)   

We've been getting together regularly for over 4 years now - trips, plays, museums, dinners, wakes  - or just gathering to chat.  Sometimes, we are a crowd, sometimes, just a handful.  It doesn't matter if we've seen each other last week or last year.  We all know we are welcome, any time.

I am honored to be one of these women who have never ending space in their hearts to take on the joys and sorrows of each other.