Whereas I do not want to start quantifying my life with the numbers of days I have been a widow, I still find myself staring at the calendar and comparing my life to then and now. I guess it will be a slow transformation to my new life.
I fell a couple weeks ago, in my home. I was simply walking down the steps toward the front door. My foot hit the last step, my ankle violently turned outward, I heard a crack and went flying. The pain was excruciating. I laid on my back writhing in agony, screaming. It was at that precise moment I realized how alone I really was. Sure, my kids all live relatively close. Absolutely, I have wonderful neighbors who will come at a moment's notice. But, I was alone. I am alone.
I did have my phone in my pocket and as soon as I was able to 'get a grip', I called Allison who came flying over, picked me up, and carried me to the car. Dx: Sprained ankle, 2 broken bones in my foot. I'll live. I am 3 weeks into recovery. I am still wearing a God-awful massive boot on my left foot. I am walking with the aid of a cane. I have slowed my pace considerably. Hmm, I wonder if a 'kindly spirit' was trying to get me to slow down all along? I did ignore the other warning: Getting stopped by a State Trooper on the Garden State Pkwy going 88 mph. So who knew my caddy could do that so smoothly that I wouldn't realize? - No ticket, just a 'warning' from a sweet officer named MICHAEL! (Maybe I am not so alone?)
I find I am constantly struggling with the conflict of wanting to be independent from my children and hating the idea of being without Mike day to day. I am not lonely.... I just miss him terribly. I guess this is the part that time is supposed to 'heal'.
Like my foot, my heart still needs to be cradled. I will get there.... baby steps...
Friday, September 04, 2015
Friday, August 07, 2015
Celebrating a Life
August 5 is Mike's birthday. I chose this date to spread his ashes as it was the only day of the year that he did not mind being the center of attention.
I was planning the day for weeks. I did not want it to be a day of mourning, as we mourned his death when he died. I truly wanted this to be a day of love and celebration of all that he was to us.
We all met at the beach, Our beach. The beach that he and I sat on oh so many times. We would go there on the weekends in early mornings and just enjoy the sun and the sound of the waves. Sometimes, we would just sit there, holding hands and stare at the water. We would go there in the evenings with a picnic dinner and enjoy the serenity long after the crowds left. When it was too cold to get out of the car, Mike would find a place to park so we could still see the water when we ate our dinner. This is where we planned our final resting place.
We all walked down towards the water together. We stopped at one point and everyone dropped their shoes. We huddled in a circle and the kids took turns reading from a letter that my dear friend wrote as a tribute to Mike - the way she saw his life. She recalled simple stories of the past 20 years, including all the kids..... such a gift.
Then we all walked to the water's edge. It was a perfect night. A slight breeze, blowing towards the water and a sunny sky with scattered clouds. One by one, the kids took handfuls of his ashes and walked further into the water. Each taking a few moments to speak to their Dad, their Pop, their confidant, their friend. I took the remaining ashes and walked a distance and had my conversation as I let his remains gently scatter.
The boys carefully tucked a car magazine into a bottle and sent it out, "Dad will need something to read..."
I sent out a yellow rose - the first flower he ever gave me, our special flower.
I said some closing words to the kids. I reminded them to cherish his memory and let it live on., to be happy for tomorrow because of all the yesterdays. I told them that Dad wants them to smile, open their eyes, love and go on.
Then, we did what we do best. We gathered at our favorite restaurant and had a birthday party! We toasted the guest of honor, shed a couple tears and shared a lot of laughs. I am sure my Mr. Wonderful was smiling and happy to be the center of attention - just this once.
I was planning the day for weeks. I did not want it to be a day of mourning, as we mourned his death when he died. I truly wanted this to be a day of love and celebration of all that he was to us.
We all met at the beach, Our beach. The beach that he and I sat on oh so many times. We would go there on the weekends in early mornings and just enjoy the sun and the sound of the waves. Sometimes, we would just sit there, holding hands and stare at the water. We would go there in the evenings with a picnic dinner and enjoy the serenity long after the crowds left. When it was too cold to get out of the car, Mike would find a place to park so we could still see the water when we ate our dinner. This is where we planned our final resting place.
We all walked down towards the water together. We stopped at one point and everyone dropped their shoes. We huddled in a circle and the kids took turns reading from a letter that my dear friend wrote as a tribute to Mike - the way she saw his life. She recalled simple stories of the past 20 years, including all the kids..... such a gift.
Then we all walked to the water's edge. It was a perfect night. A slight breeze, blowing towards the water and a sunny sky with scattered clouds. One by one, the kids took handfuls of his ashes and walked further into the water. Each taking a few moments to speak to their Dad, their Pop, their confidant, their friend. I took the remaining ashes and walked a distance and had my conversation as I let his remains gently scatter.
The boys carefully tucked a car magazine into a bottle and sent it out, "Dad will need something to read..."
I sent out a yellow rose - the first flower he ever gave me, our special flower.
I said some closing words to the kids. I reminded them to cherish his memory and let it live on., to be happy for tomorrow because of all the yesterdays. I told them that Dad wants them to smile, open their eyes, love and go on.
Then, we did what we do best. We gathered at our favorite restaurant and had a birthday party! We toasted the guest of honor, shed a couple tears and shared a lot of laughs. I am sure my Mr. Wonderful was smiling and happy to be the center of attention - just this once.
Wednesday, July 08, 2015
one hurdle at a time
In my desperate attempt to get through each day with my usual optimistic demeanor, I find that the simplest of actions can reduce me to tears. I am learning that it is okay to cry. My cousin told me that I have to hurt, so I can heal.
Storchevoy Sundays have come and gone. They started off a little quieter than usual, but the volume is starting to pick up. I sit in Mike's chair at the head of the table now. I could not leave an empty chair, and no one else would dare sit there. It was awkward at first, but it seems ok now.
Allison and I cooked for hours for the 4th of July. It was our first cooking marathon in a long while and it was totally therapeutic. God Bless Lisa who followed us around the kitchen and cleaned up after us all day long. The party came off without a hitch and the food was fabulous - we all missed Mike, and eventually, the day passed.
This weekend, I will go to my cousin's son's wedding. I am looking forward to seeing the entire extended family. I will be surrounded by people all weekend, yet I will be alone. Mike and I booked this hotel a year ago.... "A weekend get-away with the bonus of a wedding". As was our usual practice, we went everywhere we were invited, no questions asked. The thought never occurred to me to cancel these plans. Life goes on.... this wedding will happen with or without me, but I was invited, and I will be there. Mike will be missed.... and the day will pass.
Healing is long process. One day at a time is all I can manage.
Storchevoy Sundays have come and gone. They started off a little quieter than usual, but the volume is starting to pick up. I sit in Mike's chair at the head of the table now. I could not leave an empty chair, and no one else would dare sit there. It was awkward at first, but it seems ok now.
Allison and I cooked for hours for the 4th of July. It was our first cooking marathon in a long while and it was totally therapeutic. God Bless Lisa who followed us around the kitchen and cleaned up after us all day long. The party came off without a hitch and the food was fabulous - we all missed Mike, and eventually, the day passed.
This weekend, I will go to my cousin's son's wedding. I am looking forward to seeing the entire extended family. I will be surrounded by people all weekend, yet I will be alone. Mike and I booked this hotel a year ago.... "A weekend get-away with the bonus of a wedding". As was our usual practice, we went everywhere we were invited, no questions asked. The thought never occurred to me to cancel these plans. Life goes on.... this wedding will happen with or without me, but I was invited, and I will be there. Mike will be missed.... and the day will pass.
Healing is long process. One day at a time is all I can manage.
Tuesday, June 23, 2015
a letter to Mr. W.
Dear Mike
It's been nearly a month since you've gone. I can't seem to wrap my head around the fact that you are not here. My brain wants to understand, but my heart just can't.
I wake each morning and stare at your pillow. The mornings are so quiet. Sure, the dogs are anxious to go out, but even their demeanor has changed. They just wait patiently for me to shower, knowing I will tend to them soon enough. Each day, when I leave for work, I say out loud, "I'll be careful", as those were always the last words you said to me each morning.
Inevitably, a song will come on the radio that reminds me of "us". I cry a lot in the car. I talk out loud to you in the car. Do you hear me? I know you are there, critiquing my driving, as always. I find myself watching the gauge on my gas tank now - that was also your job....
As I leave my office each day, I stare down at my phone, as I always called you before I even reached my car. The ride home is always so quiet.... My eyes fill with tears as I pull into the driveway each afternoon....still not believing that you are not in the house waiting for me.
We always talked about how amazing our kids were, but I hope you are seeing them now. Michael and Bobby call me twice a day! They are in and out of the house taking care of things that only you would remember to do. They are working so hard to ease my pain and loneliness. I can see so much of you in both of them. You taught them well. I hear from Allison everyday - no matter where she is in the world! Michelle is always so strong for me; and you know that is not easy for her. I hope you are proud of our kids... I know I am.
Friends and neighbors have been so thoughtful. They all check up on me, without being intrusive. Everyone wants to make sure I am eating okay - it is so sweet. I hear from all the cousins - every day a different one sends a text or calls. I hope you can see now what an impact you had on so many people.
People try to say the 'right' things to me. They remind me that you fought so hard and that you are no longer in pain. I guess that should comfort me.... My least favorite sentiment is, "Mike is in a better place now." I will never believe there is a better place than right by my side.
In the evenings, the silence in the house can be deafening at times... to fill the time, I "rewind the tape and replay the memories" we've made throughout the years. That makes me smile and cry. We had a good life filled with blessings.
They say time heals all wounds. They never say how much time ....
Love you always.
It's been nearly a month since you've gone. I can't seem to wrap my head around the fact that you are not here. My brain wants to understand, but my heart just can't.
I wake each morning and stare at your pillow. The mornings are so quiet. Sure, the dogs are anxious to go out, but even their demeanor has changed. They just wait patiently for me to shower, knowing I will tend to them soon enough. Each day, when I leave for work, I say out loud, "I'll be careful", as those were always the last words you said to me each morning.
Inevitably, a song will come on the radio that reminds me of "us". I cry a lot in the car. I talk out loud to you in the car. Do you hear me? I know you are there, critiquing my driving, as always. I find myself watching the gauge on my gas tank now - that was also your job....
As I leave my office each day, I stare down at my phone, as I always called you before I even reached my car. The ride home is always so quiet.... My eyes fill with tears as I pull into the driveway each afternoon....still not believing that you are not in the house waiting for me.
We always talked about how amazing our kids were, but I hope you are seeing them now. Michael and Bobby call me twice a day! They are in and out of the house taking care of things that only you would remember to do. They are working so hard to ease my pain and loneliness. I can see so much of you in both of them. You taught them well. I hear from Allison everyday - no matter where she is in the world! Michelle is always so strong for me; and you know that is not easy for her. I hope you are proud of our kids... I know I am.
Friends and neighbors have been so thoughtful. They all check up on me, without being intrusive. Everyone wants to make sure I am eating okay - it is so sweet. I hear from all the cousins - every day a different one sends a text or calls. I hope you can see now what an impact you had on so many people.
People try to say the 'right' things to me. They remind me that you fought so hard and that you are no longer in pain. I guess that should comfort me.... My least favorite sentiment is, "Mike is in a better place now." I will never believe there is a better place than right by my side.
In the evenings, the silence in the house can be deafening at times... to fill the time, I "rewind the tape and replay the memories" we've made throughout the years. That makes me smile and cry. We had a good life filled with blessings.
They say time heals all wounds. They never say how much time ....
Love you always.
Monday, June 15, 2015
Resting in Peace
It's been three weeks, but it is all still so surreal to me....
It was just before Memorial Day weekend. Mike was getting a little worse each day. On Wednesday night, he was struggling to swallow pills to kill his pain. He finally agreed to let me call Hospice in the morning. Hospice arrived on Thursday and hooked him up to a pain pump that evening.
He slept comfortably Thursday night and Friday was uneventful. The kids were at the house all weekend. I knew they would find comfort being there and with eachother. Allison's friend was so thoughtful as to have food delivered all weekend for us.
The kids took turns sitting on the bed talking to Mike. He had alone time with each of them and we had a lot of together time in the room, also. He alternated between sleep and awake. His pain was under control. We each made a special memory with him, I am sure.
On Monday morning, I exited my bathroom just to see his smiling face and hear him say, "Good morning, beautiful". While I was showering, he got out of bed and got dressed. He called me to him and gave me the best hug. I asked him why he was dressed and he said, "Oh, I'm going." I said, "Going where?" "Going to sleep." he replied.
The kids arrived on Monday. They were so happy to see him all dressed. He even insisted on walking into the livingroom to be with them all. He put his hands on my shoulders and walked behind me. We walked passed the hallway mirror and I stopped to do a cha-cha step, him laughing all the way! He announced to the kids, "Dead man walking!" When he finally sat in the chair, he dropped his head to the side as if to "fake his death." A sense of humor, right to the end, what a gift for us all! Towards the end of the evening he said to me in a semi-whisper, "Why are they all still here?!?" At one point, he drew me close and held me tight and said, "Come with me?" I told him I still had so much to do here, but it was ok with me if he went first and saved a place for me.
He was pretty restless Monday night and Tuesday morning. He was not really conscious at all by Tuesday afternoon. The kids all came and I sent them home. I just laid next to him, holding his hand and stroking his hair. I talked to him for hours. I reassured him that it was okay for him to go. I reminded him that we raised great kids who would always make us proud. I told him to please keep his promise to watch over me and I promised to never stop looking for the signs that he was with me. He quietly slipped away....
My quiet, unassuming, humble husband was honored by over 300 people at the wake/funeral. What a testament to the man he was.....
It was just before Memorial Day weekend. Mike was getting a little worse each day. On Wednesday night, he was struggling to swallow pills to kill his pain. He finally agreed to let me call Hospice in the morning. Hospice arrived on Thursday and hooked him up to a pain pump that evening.
He slept comfortably Thursday night and Friday was uneventful. The kids were at the house all weekend. I knew they would find comfort being there and with eachother. Allison's friend was so thoughtful as to have food delivered all weekend for us.
The kids took turns sitting on the bed talking to Mike. He had alone time with each of them and we had a lot of together time in the room, also. He alternated between sleep and awake. His pain was under control. We each made a special memory with him, I am sure.
On Monday morning, I exited my bathroom just to see his smiling face and hear him say, "Good morning, beautiful". While I was showering, he got out of bed and got dressed. He called me to him and gave me the best hug. I asked him why he was dressed and he said, "Oh, I'm going." I said, "Going where?" "Going to sleep." he replied.
The kids arrived on Monday. They were so happy to see him all dressed. He even insisted on walking into the livingroom to be with them all. He put his hands on my shoulders and walked behind me. We walked passed the hallway mirror and I stopped to do a cha-cha step, him laughing all the way! He announced to the kids, "Dead man walking!" When he finally sat in the chair, he dropped his head to the side as if to "fake his death." A sense of humor, right to the end, what a gift for us all! Towards the end of the evening he said to me in a semi-whisper, "Why are they all still here?!?" At one point, he drew me close and held me tight and said, "Come with me?" I told him I still had so much to do here, but it was ok with me if he went first and saved a place for me.
He was pretty restless Monday night and Tuesday morning. He was not really conscious at all by Tuesday afternoon. The kids all came and I sent them home. I just laid next to him, holding his hand and stroking his hair. I talked to him for hours. I reassured him that it was okay for him to go. I reminded him that we raised great kids who would always make us proud. I told him to please keep his promise to watch over me and I promised to never stop looking for the signs that he was with me. He quietly slipped away....
My quiet, unassuming, humble husband was honored by over 300 people at the wake/funeral. What a testament to the man he was.....
Friday, May 15, 2015
Giving it his best shot
We saw the oncologist this week. He recommends that we pay attention to Mr. W's quality of life right now. Making him comfortable should be our top priority.
The chemo is no longer working and his cancer is spreading fast. Swallowing has become quite a chore these days. Anyone else would have just given up by now, but my guy is a fighter. Whereas he eats very little, he makes a valiant attempt each day and I just cook things for him a little longer and a little soupier.
He seems to have trouble getting enough oxygen into his system, so he uses the supplementary oxygen throughout the day.
When he is having a good day. I come home to find him dressed and dutifully coiffed with his perfect hair. When it is not such a good day, I just lay beside him and we pass the time together.
I had a talk with God the other day. I suggested we do things MY way as clearly, His way was not working for me. My cousin reminded me that God does not negotiate. It was worth a shot, anyway.
Each day, no matter how he feels, he still smiles at me and says, "Good morning, Beautiful". I am blessed to have this man love me so much that he refuses to leave me without a fight.
The chemo is no longer working and his cancer is spreading fast. Swallowing has become quite a chore these days. Anyone else would have just given up by now, but my guy is a fighter. Whereas he eats very little, he makes a valiant attempt each day and I just cook things for him a little longer and a little soupier.
He seems to have trouble getting enough oxygen into his system, so he uses the supplementary oxygen throughout the day.
When he is having a good day. I come home to find him dressed and dutifully coiffed with his perfect hair. When it is not such a good day, I just lay beside him and we pass the time together.
I had a talk with God the other day. I suggested we do things MY way as clearly, His way was not working for me. My cousin reminded me that God does not negotiate. It was worth a shot, anyway.
Each day, no matter how he feels, he still smiles at me and says, "Good morning, Beautiful". I am blessed to have this man love me so much that he refuses to leave me without a fight.
Tuesday, April 14, 2015
Notes from 4/14/15
Mr. W: "When I'm gone, I am going to watch over you to make sure you are aware of everything around you."
(He has always complained that I go through life with my head in the clouds and I don't take in all that is beautiful in nature. I am better now, but he still reminds me to open my eyes)
Me: "Are you going to watch over me while I'm driving, too???"
Mr. W: "ESPECIALLY when you are driving!!!"
Me: (under my breath, "JACKASS!") "Are you gonna continue to complain about my driving even after you are gone???"
Mr. W: (BIG SMILE)
......
(He has always complained that I go through life with my head in the clouds and I don't take in all that is beautiful in nature. I am better now, but he still reminds me to open my eyes)
Me: "Are you going to watch over me while I'm driving, too???"
Mr. W: "ESPECIALLY when you are driving!!!"
Me: (under my breath, "JACKASS!") "Are you gonna continue to complain about my driving even after you are gone???"
Mr. W: (BIG SMILE)
......
Tuesday, April 07, 2015
Notes from 4/7/15
Conversation from this morning:
Mr. W: I love you so much, please don't give up on me because I am not giving up.
Me: I'll never give up....
Mr. W: I love you so much, please don't give up on me because I am not giving up.
Me: I'll never give up....
Wednesday, April 01, 2015
"I'm up"
Each evening, at precisely 7:30 pm, my phone makes the sound of angelic harps and a message comes up, "Good Night, Ally and Ava". This has been going on for nearly 8 years already. Last night, Mr. W. said to me, "Why is that still happening? Why don't you just text them each night and say 'good night'?"
I explained to him that this was a 'gift to me'. At that moment, each night, I think about my granddaughters and send them lots of love. I will ALWAYS love the sound of that sweet alarm and the warm feeling in my heart for my girls.
He then said, "What time will the alarm go off for me each day?" - After careful deliberation, I said, "At noon! You text me everyday around noon to say, "I'm up!""
He smiled and was quiet for a while - then he said, "HEY! Aren't you gonna say good night to me??"
I guess my phone will go off twice a day for him.....
I explained to him that this was a 'gift to me'. At that moment, each night, I think about my granddaughters and send them lots of love. I will ALWAYS love the sound of that sweet alarm and the warm feeling in my heart for my girls.
He then said, "What time will the alarm go off for me each day?" - After careful deliberation, I said, "At noon! You text me everyday around noon to say, "I'm up!""
He smiled and was quiet for a while - then he said, "HEY! Aren't you gonna say good night to me??"
I guess my phone will go off twice a day for him.....
Wednesday, March 18, 2015
Trying to buy some time
Mr. Wonderful has been enduring a regimen of "extreme chemo" for 7 weeks now. We trek into the city every Monday for blood work, visit with the oncologist and then a chemo infusion. Praise God for my children, as we never make this trip unescorted by either Allison or Bobby.
The reason he started this chemo was to make himself eligible for a clinical trial. After 6 weeks, they did a scan to see how things were progressing. The good news: some of the tumors have decreased slightly. The bad news: he is no longer eligible for the clinical trial drug as there has been no forward progression of the disease since he has been on chemo.
This has been a bittersweet time for all of us. I spoke with the oncologist at length. He said, "this will work for a little while, until it doesn't work anymore. Then he will be eligible to try the new "non-chemo" drug". Whereas I wanted to rejoice that something was working, the doctor brought me back to the sad reality that this is just a Band-Aid on a gushing artery.
I am angry that the medical field has put us in a position where Mike's quality of life was not considered at all. I am totally supportive of the work they are trying to do to combat this ugly disease, but at what cost to MY HUSBAND??? He never would have agreed to the chemo if he was not promised the opportunity to try the new wonder drug.
Our life is different now. We were always intertwined, and now we are wrestling with the effects of the poison they are pumping through his veins along with the deadly beast that is trying to claim his life. We start and end each day with me injecting him (twice a day) in his stomach, with a blood thinner to ward off the possibility of a fatal blood clot. We count his calories each day to combat his inevitable weight loss and ensuing fatigue. This is the toughest war we were ever in, and one we both know we will lose.
It's funny how things that were important enough to discuss a year ago never even come up anymore. There are no more conversations about vacations. There is no discussion about what car to get when my lease runs out. We never talk about whether or not we should replace the deck in the back of the house now. Some days, the biggest decision we make is whether or not to have ice cream for dinner.
I guess this rant is just my private 'pity-party' right now. Mike is not ready to give up the fight. I am not ready to watch him succumb to this beast.
The reason he started this chemo was to make himself eligible for a clinical trial. After 6 weeks, they did a scan to see how things were progressing. The good news: some of the tumors have decreased slightly. The bad news: he is no longer eligible for the clinical trial drug as there has been no forward progression of the disease since he has been on chemo.
This has been a bittersweet time for all of us. I spoke with the oncologist at length. He said, "this will work for a little while, until it doesn't work anymore. Then he will be eligible to try the new "non-chemo" drug". Whereas I wanted to rejoice that something was working, the doctor brought me back to the sad reality that this is just a Band-Aid on a gushing artery.
I am angry that the medical field has put us in a position where Mike's quality of life was not considered at all. I am totally supportive of the work they are trying to do to combat this ugly disease, but at what cost to MY HUSBAND??? He never would have agreed to the chemo if he was not promised the opportunity to try the new wonder drug.
Our life is different now. We were always intertwined, and now we are wrestling with the effects of the poison they are pumping through his veins along with the deadly beast that is trying to claim his life. We start and end each day with me injecting him (twice a day) in his stomach, with a blood thinner to ward off the possibility of a fatal blood clot. We count his calories each day to combat his inevitable weight loss and ensuing fatigue. This is the toughest war we were ever in, and one we both know we will lose.
It's funny how things that were important enough to discuss a year ago never even come up anymore. There are no more conversations about vacations. There is no discussion about what car to get when my lease runs out. We never talk about whether or not we should replace the deck in the back of the house now. Some days, the biggest decision we make is whether or not to have ice cream for dinner.
I guess this rant is just my private 'pity-party' right now. Mike is not ready to give up the fight. I am not ready to watch him succumb to this beast.
Friday, February 27, 2015
Rest in peace, Janet
Janet had been fighting cancer for a couple years. Last year, Mr. Wonderful and I went to Zach's engagement party. Janet and Mr. W. were discussing their cancer treatments as he had just finished his radiation. Janet looked good and she was convinced she was going to beat this deadly beast.
When I told Mr. W of Janet's passing, his lip quivered and his eyes filled with tears, but he was silent. All my kids went to the wake. I arrived with Bobby and Suse in the evening, on Bobby's arm. There was just such a sense of doom as he escorted me into the funeral home.... I know we both felt it.
As we were offering our condolences, everyone was so kind as to ask how Mike was doing, with sadness in their eyes. Such a somber time for all of us.
When I got home, Mike was in bed, but awake, waiting for me to join him. As I turned off the lights, he reached for my hand and began asking about Janet and her last days. I'm so glad it was dark in the room.....
Tuesday, February 24, 2015
Winter Camp!
Allison and Lisa rented a 7 bedroom house in Southampton for an extended weekend for all of us. They thought it would be good for us to all get away together for a few days. The weather was frightful, but it was just an hour's drive and we were all up for it.
Let me preface this by saying, Allison and I made enough food to feed ALL of the Hamptons!! We ate and drank for days. Needless to say, my freezer now has enough meals to feed us for a month of Storchevoy Sundays!
Everyone arrived, chose bedrooms, put on PJ's and slippers and we huddled together. There was a huge fireplace in the living room that kept us all warm on the outside - and enough champagne, wine, etc. to keep us warm on the inside!
Allison thought of everything to make the days/night flow:
She bought us all "Spirit" T- Shirts:
We played games:
We did projects:
Let me preface this by saying, Allison and I made enough food to feed ALL of the Hamptons!! We ate and drank for days. Needless to say, my freezer now has enough meals to feed us for a month of Storchevoy Sundays!
Everyone arrived, chose bedrooms, put on PJ's and slippers and we huddled together. There was a huge fireplace in the living room that kept us all warm on the outside - and enough champagne, wine, etc. to keep us warm on the inside!
Allison thought of everything to make the days/night flow:
She bought us all "Spirit" T- Shirts:
We played games:
That would be: Balloon Art, Shrinky-dinks, Origami, etc.
Allison supplied us each with a "Forever Lazy" and we hand painted and decorated them:
Mostly, we just loved each other and made some wonderful memories.
We may not be the most perfect family out there - but we are, by far, the most FUN family.
They say a picture is worth a thousand words. My heart just fills with pride when I look at these pictures. Mr. Wonderful and I must have done something right to be blessed with our kids.
Wednesday, January 14, 2015
Another Birthday, a gift realized....
And we celebrated my birthday as only this family can - with grandeur and finesse! I had 2 parties - back-to-back weekends! First party was at Michelle's and the following weekend we gathered at Bobby and Suse's house and ate and drank like royalty for hours.
It warms my heart to see how much pleasure the kids get from entertaining. I am so grateful that we gave them this gift! We have always been the "family hub". Everyone always gathered at our house for holidays and birthdays. All the kids took this as a "norm" and are now excellent, stress-free hosts.
Knowing that my Mr. Wonderful is so sick, each of these gatherings is extra special. I see how the kids each 'take a turn' sitting and visiting with him one on one. We linger at the table longer than we ever have - just to be close together.
Whereas I will never come to terms with losing my love, I have finally come to realize that these last months are a gift from God. Mike has had several major surgeries and God could have called him home at any time. I shudder to think of that devastation. Instead, God in His mercy, has given us a warning.... He has given us time to really live and make wonderful memories these next few months.
God has given my children an opportunity to talk to their Dad and tell him things that have been sitting in their hearts forever. They are all realizing how precious life is and how inconsequential all the trivial nonsense is in their lives. I know Mike is savoring each day.... each visit with the kids and our granddaughters is a gift to him and a memory for them.
I have learned to slow down and just BE. When I return home from work, I know there is nothing more important than just sitting with Mike. We watch TV and we are warmed by the fire, We talk about nonsense, because just hearing his voice is all that matters to me right now. I stopped making 'nutritionally complete' meals and make him anything at all his heart desires.
I pray for strength. I pray for a peaceful heart. Most of all, I pray for God's continuing mercy.
It warms my heart to see how much pleasure the kids get from entertaining. I am so grateful that we gave them this gift! We have always been the "family hub". Everyone always gathered at our house for holidays and birthdays. All the kids took this as a "norm" and are now excellent, stress-free hosts.
Knowing that my Mr. Wonderful is so sick, each of these gatherings is extra special. I see how the kids each 'take a turn' sitting and visiting with him one on one. We linger at the table longer than we ever have - just to be close together.
Whereas I will never come to terms with losing my love, I have finally come to realize that these last months are a gift from God. Mike has had several major surgeries and God could have called him home at any time. I shudder to think of that devastation. Instead, God in His mercy, has given us a warning.... He has given us time to really live and make wonderful memories these next few months.
God has given my children an opportunity to talk to their Dad and tell him things that have been sitting in their hearts forever. They are all realizing how precious life is and how inconsequential all the trivial nonsense is in their lives. I know Mike is savoring each day.... each visit with the kids and our granddaughters is a gift to him and a memory for them.
I have learned to slow down and just BE. When I return home from work, I know there is nothing more important than just sitting with Mike. We watch TV and we are warmed by the fire, We talk about nonsense, because just hearing his voice is all that matters to me right now. I stopped making 'nutritionally complete' meals and make him anything at all his heart desires.
I pray for strength. I pray for a peaceful heart. Most of all, I pray for God's continuing mercy.
Thursday, December 18, 2014
"Save the Last Dance for Me"
There is no easy way to say this... Mike's cancer has spread. It is now in his lung and the lymph nodes in his neck. The doctors say it is in his blood stream and it will start popping up all over. The oncologist, though very thorough, was extremely blunt.... I guess he wanted to prepare us for what's ahead.
Tell me, how do I prepare to watch half of me wither away? How do I prepare my children to lose their father? Can I prepare my granddaughters to say good-bye? Is it really only going to be 10 more months? Can he beat the odds?
Mike and I have been together since I am 19 years old. I am not sure when I decided he was to be called Mr. Wonderful, but I am certain it was only after many years!! Like many long time married couples, we have had our ups and downs, but more importantly, we have always held on to the commitment to love each other forever.
After so many years, our lives have become a sort of dance. I wake early each day to go to work and he wakes up just enough to say, "Good morning, Beautiful. Please be careful". I feed and walk the dogs before I leave. When he wakes, he takes care of the cats. I handle the cooking and finances, he takes care of the house and the cars. WE go food shopping. WE do laundry. WE clean the house. WE run errands. WE entertain. WE visit the kids. We talk on the phone several times a day, always have.... and we end EVERY phone conversation with "I love you" - even if we are upset.
He holds doors for me. He makes sure I have a full water bottle on my night table each night. He holds my hand all the time - He holds it extra tight when we cross a street. He will never eat the last of anything, always leaving it just in case I want it. He never gets himself a snack or a drink without asking if I want something, too. In our entire marriage, he always insisted I drive the "better" car...
When Winter comes, he has candles lit and wood stacked in the fireplace, ready to be lit when I get home each day. He will always get up early and clean my car should it have snowed in the middle of the night. He will let a couple stray cats sleep in our garage when it is extra cold out - always supplying them with a good meal and a clean litterbox.
In the Spring, he patiently waits for me to pick out any flowers I want for the front of the house and carefully prepares the soil for me to do the planting. He does all the trimming, watering and weeding - and still gives me all the credit when everything blooms and looks so beautiful.
He loves having the kids visit, but he hates being the center of attention. He is just happy knowing they are in the house. I love that he hugs and kisses our sons just as much as he does our daughters. He has always been a perfect gentleman in front of our kids. Our boys have learned to be good husbands and our girls know they deserve to be treated with respect. He is the most humble man I have ever known....
He has never put me on a pedestal, but he has ALWAYS held me in the highest regard. Even now, with this saddest situation before us, he claims his biggest fear is leaving me alone.....
Each night I pray for God's mercy......
Tell me, how do I prepare to watch half of me wither away? How do I prepare my children to lose their father? Can I prepare my granddaughters to say good-bye? Is it really only going to be 10 more months? Can he beat the odds?
Mike and I have been together since I am 19 years old. I am not sure when I decided he was to be called Mr. Wonderful, but I am certain it was only after many years!! Like many long time married couples, we have had our ups and downs, but more importantly, we have always held on to the commitment to love each other forever.After so many years, our lives have become a sort of dance. I wake early each day to go to work and he wakes up just enough to say, "Good morning, Beautiful. Please be careful". I feed and walk the dogs before I leave. When he wakes, he takes care of the cats. I handle the cooking and finances, he takes care of the house and the cars. WE go food shopping. WE do laundry. WE clean the house. WE run errands. WE entertain. WE visit the kids. We talk on the phone several times a day, always have.... and we end EVERY phone conversation with "I love you" - even if we are upset.
He holds doors for me. He makes sure I have a full water bottle on my night table each night. He holds my hand all the time - He holds it extra tight when we cross a street. He will never eat the last of anything, always leaving it just in case I want it. He never gets himself a snack or a drink without asking if I want something, too. In our entire marriage, he always insisted I drive the "better" car...
When Winter comes, he has candles lit and wood stacked in the fireplace, ready to be lit when I get home each day. He will always get up early and clean my car should it have snowed in the middle of the night. He will let a couple stray cats sleep in our garage when it is extra cold out - always supplying them with a good meal and a clean litterbox.In the Spring, he patiently waits for me to pick out any flowers I want for the front of the house and carefully prepares the soil for me to do the planting. He does all the trimming, watering and weeding - and still gives me all the credit when everything blooms and looks so beautiful.
He loves having the kids visit, but he hates being the center of attention. He is just happy knowing they are in the house. I love that he hugs and kisses our sons just as much as he does our daughters. He has always been a perfect gentleman in front of our kids. Our boys have learned to be good husbands and our girls know they deserve to be treated with respect. He is the most humble man I have ever known....
He has never put me on a pedestal, but he has ALWAYS held me in the highest regard. Even now, with this saddest situation before us, he claims his biggest fear is leaving me alone.....
Each night I pray for God's mercy......
Friday, October 24, 2014
Maybe you can go back......
I guess I was a privileged child. Growing up, we had 2 homes. On the last day of school, we packed up the cars and drove an hour to New Jersey to our summer house, affectionately called, "The Lake". It was a delightful 'lake community' where everyone knew each other. My cousins had the house next door and my other cousins had a house about a mile away. Whereas we never left the house when we were in our "regular" home, we spent nearly all of our waking hours outside the house when we went to "The Lake".
We met up with the same bunch of friends year after year. Mornings were spent taking swimming lessons and afternoons were spent playing softball, volleyball, badminton or basketball. After dinner each evening, we would all meet at the beach, once again, just to sit and talk. On Friday nights, we all walked to the "hilltop" (a large empty building at the top of the hill) to watch a movie together. In later years, I worked every summer at The Lake through high school and college as a Lifeguard and the Hilltop became a 'makeshift dance club' on Saturday nights. Those were simpler times.... We really and truly "grew up" together.
In years to come, my parents sold the house at The Lake, but my Aunt and Uncle still kept their house next door. Some of my cousins married and moved there permanently. I took my kids there every summer for a week when they were growing up. They, too, have fond memories of spending time with the cousins, going swimming each day, and roasting marshmallows each night as my Uncle made his infamous bonfires.
Once again, I will sing the praises of Facebook..... I recently reconnected with an old friend from so many years ago.... Bonnie, too, left her regular house and spent summers at "The Lake". She lives approximately 10 minutes from me now, yet we have not seen each other in over 40 years. We met at a local little bistro for a most delightful evening. It was so good to rekindle those memories of such wonderful summers. I am delighted to say that even after all these years, the evening was just so comfortable. Our roots were planted firmly years ago: learning to swim, playing sports and coming of age. Catching up was just a formality as the connection was just so strong. The thing we both recalled with such sweetness, was the simplicity of life back then...... was it our youth or have things really changed so much?
Wednesday, October 08, 2014
40 years already, REALLY?
This past weekend was my 40th High School reunion. I went to Catholic School... miles away from my home. I was bused there and back. I certainly received a top notch education, but I missed out on a lot socially. I was never able to join any clubs or sports as there was no way for me to get home if I did not take the bus after school. It was hard to get close to classmates without attending these after school functions.
There were several reunions over the years - none of which I attended. It seemed the timing was never right - and I was not sure if anyone would even remember me.
Then.... along come facebook! First, let me say - I LOVE FACEBOOK!!! I keep in contact with all my cousins' kids, who are too far away from me to visit regularly. As a result, I feel as though we really do know each other and when we do get together, we are not just "distant cousins".
There was a "Maria Regina Class of 74" page - and I joined it. As a result, I connected with nearly 100 past classmates. It has been fun watching their lives unfold. I've seen weddings, prayed for their family members and anxiously awaited the arrival of some of their grandchildren. SO, when the announcement came for a 40th reunion, I was not so hesitant this time.
Unfortunately, Mr. Wonderful's immune system is still so delicate and he is not supposed to be in any crowds. I had no choice but to forego the big reunion bash on the Saturday night. However, on Friday night, there was a gathering at a local pub as many people were traveling from out of sate and they wanted to make the most of the weekend. I was so happy that I was able to attend this function! It was so nice to hug those folks who I have come to know these past years..... It truly amazed me that 40 years ago, we all walked the same graduation path.
There were several reunions over the years - none of which I attended. It seemed the timing was never right - and I was not sure if anyone would even remember me.
Then.... along come facebook! First, let me say - I LOVE FACEBOOK!!! I keep in contact with all my cousins' kids, who are too far away from me to visit regularly. As a result, I feel as though we really do know each other and when we do get together, we are not just "distant cousins".
There was a "Maria Regina Class of 74" page - and I joined it. As a result, I connected with nearly 100 past classmates. It has been fun watching their lives unfold. I've seen weddings, prayed for their family members and anxiously awaited the arrival of some of their grandchildren. SO, when the announcement came for a 40th reunion, I was not so hesitant this time.
Unfortunately, Mr. Wonderful's immune system is still so delicate and he is not supposed to be in any crowds. I had no choice but to forego the big reunion bash on the Saturday night. However, on Friday night, there was a gathering at a local pub as many people were traveling from out of sate and they wanted to make the most of the weekend. I was so happy that I was able to attend this function! It was so nice to hug those folks who I have come to know these past years..... It truly amazed me that 40 years ago, we all walked the same graduation path.
Friday, September 26, 2014
Empty Nest
It has taken nearly 37 years, but we now have an empty nest (that is, if you don't count the "four-footed kids").
Allison was the last one to leave. Even though I hardly saw her as we worked opposite ends of the clock, I always knew she was there. She did see her Dad everyday, though. I thknk he misses her more than I do...
I understand some couples fear the empty nest - but I really don't understand why. Having all the kids out means that they are all settled and stable. As a bonus, they all seem relatively happy, too (most of the time!).
I often said that we should sell when the last kid moves out as we do not need such a big house, but I can't see us going anywhere soon. We seem to have 'stuff' in every corner of the house. It will take years to toss out all the hidden treasures, as Mr. W never find a reason to throw away ANYTHING. For now, we will stay put and just enjoy all the space.
I am so grateful to be marrried to my best friend. How awesome is it to come home every afternoon to the one person who loves me more than anything? We love our kids and there is nothing we would not do for them - but, for now, it is so sweet just to celebrate "our time".
Allison was the last one to leave. Even though I hardly saw her as we worked opposite ends of the clock, I always knew she was there. She did see her Dad everyday, though. I thknk he misses her more than I do...
I understand some couples fear the empty nest - but I really don't understand why. Having all the kids out means that they are all settled and stable. As a bonus, they all seem relatively happy, too (most of the time!).
I often said that we should sell when the last kid moves out as we do not need such a big house, but I can't see us going anywhere soon. We seem to have 'stuff' in every corner of the house. It will take years to toss out all the hidden treasures, as Mr. W never find a reason to throw away ANYTHING. For now, we will stay put and just enjoy all the space.
I am so grateful to be marrried to my best friend. How awesome is it to come home every afternoon to the one person who loves me more than anything? We love our kids and there is nothing we would not do for them - but, for now, it is so sweet just to celebrate "our time".
Thursday, September 18, 2014
Celebrating the mundane
As Mr. Wonderful continues to heal; slowly, but surely, we are settling into a sense of normalcy.
Our weeks are not dotted with doctor appointments.
Nightly dinners are no longer centered around what I can puree and add cream to in order to "up the calorie count".
There are other things to talk about with family and friends other than Mike's battle.
Storchevoy Sundays have returned where madness prevails along with good food and laughter.
Our "social calendar" is filling with happy events.
We have taken a wood delivery and have the fireplace readied for the cold months ahead. We are looking forward to those toasty fires and serenity in the evenings.
This year has changed all of us. I can only hope that our children recognize how precious life really is and learn to be grateful for the 'ordinary' days.
Our weeks are not dotted with doctor appointments.
Nightly dinners are no longer centered around what I can puree and add cream to in order to "up the calorie count".
There are other things to talk about with family and friends other than Mike's battle.
Storchevoy Sundays have returned where madness prevails along with good food and laughter.
Our "social calendar" is filling with happy events.
We have taken a wood delivery and have the fireplace readied for the cold months ahead. We are looking forward to those toasty fires and serenity in the evenings.
This year has changed all of us. I can only hope that our children recognize how precious life really is and learn to be grateful for the 'ordinary' days.
Monday, September 08, 2014
Gratitude Challenge
Reprinted from my Facebook page:
I have been nominated to take the gratitude challenge. Each day, for the next five days, I will post three things for which I am grateful.
Day 1
1. I am grateful for my husband - he is my strength, my soulmate, the love of my life.
2. I am grateful for my children. They have become the best adults I know and I learn from them everyday. They make me a better person.
3. I am grateful for my extended family - (siblings, nephews, cousins) - we were all taught the true meaning of family at an early age and I am so grateful to be part of such a loving bunch of crazy people!
Day 2
2. I am thankful that I believe in God. I think we all need a higher power to believe in when things here on earth go awry. I was sure to give my children a strong religious upbringing so they, too, would have the ability to give thanks, pray and find comfort in God. They all seem to have strong moral fiber and good ethics in all they do.
3. I am thankful that we were always able to provide for our family. We always had a good roof over our heads and food to eat. We were always able to give the children all of what they needed and some of what they wanted.
I have been nominated to take the gratitude challenge. Each day, for the next five days, I will post three things for which I am grateful.
Day 1
1. I am grateful for my husband - he is my strength, my soulmate, the love of my life.
2. I am grateful for my children. They have become the best adults I know and I learn from them everyday. They make me a better person.
3. I am grateful for my extended family - (siblings, nephews, cousins) - we were all taught the true meaning of family at an early age and I am so grateful to be part of such a loving bunch of crazy people!
Day 2
1. I am grateful for my "old" friends. We have seen the best and the worst of each other throughout the years. We have stuck by each other and helped raise each other's kids. We can now revel in the joys of our grandchildren together. As the saying goes, "you can't make OLD friends".
2. I am grateful for my "new" friends. God has put each of us together on... this path we walk for a reason. One day, we will be 'old' friends, too.
3. I am grateful for the furry friends in my life: Brandy, the St. Bernard; Louie, the tea-cup yorkie; I.C., our 13 yr old blind cat; Pepper and Boo; the rescue cats that Mr. Wonderful picked up as dying kittens on the street; Sloan, the mutt we inherited from our daughter; and the 50 stray cats that Mr. Wonderful feeds each day. They have brought love and warmth into our home, not to mention the need for an industrial strength vacuum cleaner..... the staff at PetSmart see Mike so often, they think he works there!!
Day 3
1. I am thankful for my job. I love what I do and grateful that after 14 years, I still “whistle on my way to work” each day. I work with wonderful people who have become part of my extended family – they are like big brothers who will always watch over me.
2. I am thankful that I believe in God. I think we all need a higher power to believe in when things here on earth go awry. I was sure to give my children a strong religious upbringing so they, too, would have the ability to give thanks, pray and find comfort in God. They all seem to have strong moral fiber and good ethics in all they do.
3. I am thankful that we were always able to provide for our family. We always had a good roof over our heads and food to eat. We were always able to give the children all of what they needed and some of what they wanted.
Day 4
1. I am grateful to be living on Long Island, the greatest place on Earth! - We are minutes away from the water and less than an hour from NYC. I am blessed to have all my children live close by, as well. We have 4 seasons and I find something beautiful in each of them.
2. I am thankful for the many talents that were passed down to me. Thanks to my grandmother, I can cook damn near anything. She also taught me how to iron before I was tall enough to reach an ironing board - I stood on an empty milk crate ironing handkerchiefs before I graduated to pillow cases!! Thanks to my dear Godmother who taught me to sew and crochet, also at an early age. It was when I was expecting our first granddaughter that I revived these hidden talents.
3. I am thankful that my dad fostered a love of music in us. I can appreciate nearly all kinds of music, but my favorites are the golden oldies of yester-year - Sinatra, especially! I will forgive him for making me take accordion lessons all those years. I know I've paved my way into Heaven performing for all the relatives at family gatherings
Day 5
1. I am grateful that I am comfortable in my skin. I like who I am. I try to be a good person and make good decisions everyday. I work hard to put my head on my pillow each night knowing that I did my best each day.
2. I am thankful that we were volunteers as our children were growing up. They saw the time and effort we put into little league, scouting, religious education, and donating goods and services to all organizations. They all understand how important it is to "give back".
3. As Mr. Wonderful and I enjoy our empty nest, I am thankful that we are so content to just be together. We enjoy the mayhem when the whole gang is together just as much as we relish our quiet times. Home is the best place to be.....
2. I am thankful that we were volunteers as our children were growing up. They saw the time and effort we put into little league, scouting, religious education, and donating goods and services to all organizations. They all understand how important it is to "give back".
3. As Mr. Wonderful and I enjoy our empty nest, I am thankful that we are so content to just be together. We enjoy the mayhem when the whole gang is together just as much as we relish our quiet times. Home is the best place to be.....
Wednesday, August 20, 2014
Let's get married....again
We have been talking about renewing our wedding vows for quite some time. Being on vacation with all the kids seemd like the perfect time to do so.
The groom and his best man, Little Michael:
My Maid of Honor, Michelle:
Bobby, walking me down the aisle:
Allison presiding over "The Ceremony":
Exchange of vows:
The happy couple:
Me and "our boys"
Mike and "our girls"
Our wedding cake - picture from original wedding 12/3/77
Our first dance to "Color My World", just as we did the first time around
We each wrote our own vows and let go of everything else. We left all the arrangements up to the kids, and they even surprised us with a photographer!
The girls made the bouquets:
The girls made the bouquets:
The groom and his best man, Little Michael:
My Maid of Honor, Michelle:
Bobby, walking me down the aisle:
Allison presiding over "The Ceremony":
Exchange of vows:
Mike said his vows first: "I, Michael, take you Angela, to have and to hold from this day on. In sickness, I promise to beat this annoyance I have right now. In health, to make your gold years feel more like LEAD for another 36 years at least. You are my best friend and my cheerleader, the power that keeps me going. I love you now and forever". [he had his vows written down on a slip of paper in his shirt pocket, but he recited them from memory]
Then it was my turn (slightly more long winded): I, Angela, take you Michael, to honor and love from this day forward. It has always been easy to love you when you say, "Good Morning, Beautiful" to me at the start of every day, or as you still open and hold doors for me, or when you reach for my hand whenever we are out walking, or when you take me shopping and patiently wait outside the dressing room with tons of clothes on your arms for me to try on. Today, I promise to love you when you are NOT so perfect. I promise to love you when you are hurting and when you are grouchy. You are, and alway were, my one and only."
The happy couple:
Mike and "our girls"
Our wedding cake - picture from original wedding 12/3/77
Thursday, July 10, 2014
counting the days
The surgeons have made their plans. Mr. W's fate is in their hands. Thankfully, the CT Scan did not show a spread of the cancer, so the plan is quite aggressive to ensure the best possible outcome.
They will remove a portion of his tongue and do a re-construction with a "slab" of material from his forearm. This will keep his tongue the correct length and also keep the tip of his tongue in the proper position. Eventually, eating and speaking will be as close to "normal" as they can possibly get.
They will also do a neck dissection. They will cut him from below his ear to the middle of his throat and remove 50-100 lymph nodes from as high up as his jawbone and as low as his shoulder.
We will be in the hospital at least a week. (I say "We" as I am not leaving his side!) He will come back from surgery with a bandaged arm, a feeding tube, a tracheotomy, and several drains in his neck. Hopefully, they will keep him heavily sedated for a day or two.
It is hard to believe that my husband, the love of my life, will have to endure yet another gruesome surgery. I am proud to say that he is facing this head on, no complaints. He is fighting this dreaded beast with all he's got.
I am, once again, believing in the power of prayer to get us through this long, tough journey ahead. I have faith. We will come out of this hell and be grateful it is all behind us.
Saturday, June 28, 2014
Holding our breath once again....
After radiation therapy, Mike had numerous sores in his mouth. This was expected and we were not worried. His last treatment was early January. In the beginning of March, he still had some persistent sores in his mouth, but the doctors were not alarmed. Again, they expected this and gave him some anti-fungal medication (for thrush) to help ease the discomfort. By the end of May, he still had one large sore on the bottom of his tongue. He was in constant pain and eating was becoming such a painful chore.
We went to an ENT as he was losing hearing in his right ear as well. Thankfully, he was confident he would be able to help his ear with antibiotics and the also gave him some anti-viral cream for his tongue as well. He was sure that when we returned for our follow up visit, all would be cleared. Well, his hearing returned, but his tongue was no better. We were sent to an Oral Surgeon for a biopsy. Results came back this week. It is CANCER.
We are off to Sloan Kettering on Monday. He will see the surgeon and have a CT Scan of his head and neck to see if any lymph nodes are involved. At this time, all we know is that he needs surgery. Hoping to have more answers by Monday afternoon.
The Internet has been a wealth of information, but at the same time, has given me a very realistic view of all the possible outcomes.
Although we are scared, I reminded Mike that we have been to Hell and back so many times, we could give guided tours. We are about to head back in there, but as long as we are together, I am sure we will find our way out once again.
I am telling everyone I know about Mike's condition. I believe in the power of prayer. Please join us as we pray.
We went to an ENT as he was losing hearing in his right ear as well. Thankfully, he was confident he would be able to help his ear with antibiotics and the also gave him some anti-viral cream for his tongue as well. He was sure that when we returned for our follow up visit, all would be cleared. Well, his hearing returned, but his tongue was no better. We were sent to an Oral Surgeon for a biopsy. Results came back this week. It is CANCER.
We are off to Sloan Kettering on Monday. He will see the surgeon and have a CT Scan of his head and neck to see if any lymph nodes are involved. At this time, all we know is that he needs surgery. Hoping to have more answers by Monday afternoon.
The Internet has been a wealth of information, but at the same time, has given me a very realistic view of all the possible outcomes.
Although we are scared, I reminded Mike that we have been to Hell and back so many times, we could give guided tours. We are about to head back in there, but as long as we are together, I am sure we will find our way out once again.
I am telling everyone I know about Mike's condition. I believe in the power of prayer. Please join us as we pray.
Tuesday, June 17, 2014
Wait, Summer is here??
I guess it is true when they say the older you get, the faster time flies. I feel like it was just Mother's Day and now we are welcoming Summer! Need to catch up on a few happenings:
Mother's Day was just delightful. I cooked for Allison's staff, as I do every Mother's Day.
Then we were off to Michelle's for a wonderful afternoon. The kids chipped in and presented me with a gift certificate to my favorite nursery. When I look at all the flowers in front of my house, I am reminded of the love from my children.
My cousins and friends came for a visit one weekend. We have been vacationing with them annually for 9 years. This year, we had to cancel due to Mike's illness. Our vacation buddies were so sweet as they brought along "Flat Angela" and "Flat Mike" and made us a photo album of all our adventures! Such a lovely gesture.
Our beautiful Ava made her First Communion. Ally is on the left, Ava on the right, wearing her sister's dress. Where does the time go?
Mother's Day was just delightful. I cooked for Allison's staff, as I do every Mother's Day.
Then we were off to Michelle's for a wonderful afternoon. The kids chipped in and presented me with a gift certificate to my favorite nursery. When I look at all the flowers in front of my house, I am reminded of the love from my children.
My cousins and friends came for a visit one weekend. We have been vacationing with them annually for 9 years. This year, we had to cancel due to Mike's illness. Our vacation buddies were so sweet as they brought along "Flat Angela" and "Flat Mike" and made us a photo album of all our adventures! Such a lovely gesture.
Our beautiful Ava made her First Communion. Ally is on the left, Ava on the right, wearing her sister's dress. Where does the time go?
We celebrated Bobby's First Birthday in his house in grand style, as only this family can - a "Fiesta!"
This past Sunday we celebrated Father's Day. Once again, Michelle hosted the gang: good food, good time.... The kids presented Mr. Wonderful with a "Weekend in Atlantic City and dinner at Carmines!" I think we will schedule that for September and avoid the summer crowds. Such a nice trip to look forward to...
Mike continues to heal and we all continue to count our blessings.
"Here's to Summer and all the memories that this family will create!!"
Tuesday, May 06, 2014
Praise God!
We are all in "celebration mode". Mike's Pet Scan came back clear.
Receiving that phone call was like getting a gift from God. When I told Mike the results, he instinctively raised his head and offered a prayer. I am not sure I have ever seen him do that before.
I am in awe of the support from our extended family.... We have been truly blessed.
Receiving that phone call was like getting a gift from God. When I told Mike the results, he instinctively raised his head and offered a prayer. I am not sure I have ever seen him do that before.
I am in awe of the support from our extended family.... We have been truly blessed.
Thursday, May 01, 2014
Sc-anxiety
About 2 weeks ago I told Mike that I had such a nice dream about him. His response was, "Was I healthy?"
Tomorrow morning my Mr. Wonderful goes for his first follow-up Pet Scan since his surgery. It is as if he has been holding his breath for the last 4 months waiting for this day. There are no words I can say to him to ease his anxiety. I cannot even imagine what must be going through his mind. Thankfully, we have a very early appointment and we will simply spend the day together afterwards. He is always in a good frame of mind when we are together.
We will see his doctor next Thursday for results. It will be a long week....
Tomorrow morning my Mr. Wonderful goes for his first follow-up Pet Scan since his surgery. It is as if he has been holding his breath for the last 4 months waiting for this day. There are no words I can say to him to ease his anxiety. I cannot even imagine what must be going through his mind. Thankfully, we have a very early appointment and we will simply spend the day together afterwards. He is always in a good frame of mind when we are together.
We will see his doctor next Thursday for results. It will be a long week....
Thursday, April 17, 2014
The Dog Whisperer
While Mr. W was out walking our pups the other night, he spotted a little dog wandering down the block. He did the only thing he could possibly do. He picked it up and brought it in the house. It was raining terribly hard and the poor little thing was shaking like a leaf!
There was no collar on the pup, yet we were sure we had seen him in the neighborhood before. I took his picture and sent it out to all my pet-friendly neighbors. No one recognized him.
Well, you know how some people get in their car and look for a lost dog? Mike got in his car and started driving around the neighborhood looking for the owners of this lost dog. He was sure he would spot someone, walking in the rain, looking for him. After about 15 minutes, he arrived back home and picked up the now dry pup. Yes, he found the owners and returned him safely to his family.
He truly is a friend to all animals.... Reason #1002 that he is Mr. Wonderful.
There was no collar on the pup, yet we were sure we had seen him in the neighborhood before. I took his picture and sent it out to all my pet-friendly neighbors. No one recognized him.
Well, you know how some people get in their car and look for a lost dog? Mike got in his car and started driving around the neighborhood looking for the owners of this lost dog. He was sure he would spot someone, walking in the rain, looking for him. After about 15 minutes, he arrived back home and picked up the now dry pup. Yes, he found the owners and returned him safely to his family.
He truly is a friend to all animals.... Reason #1002 that he is Mr. Wonderful.
Tuesday, April 01, 2014
Cure for Insomnia?
We had visitors at the house last week. My sister came up from Florida and my mom came in from Guam (or some other God forsaken City in Eastern Long Island).
It was so nice of the kids to stop by during the week to visit, too. Allison took a few days off and even had a couple of her local friends visit, as well. It was a cooking, eating, drinking party for several days.
I am glad my mom and sis had such a nice vacation. I went to work each morning, but left early each day - just to find the two of them still in their pj's when I got home! Afterall, THEY were on vacation!
I think I discovered a cure for my insomnia while they were here. After a long evening of good food and wine, I slept like a baby. The next night was more food and assorted cocktails, I slept all night through. Another night was more wine and lots of laughs. I suffered my insomnia again when my guests headed home. I guess having my sister around is a sure bet for a full night's sleep!
Looking forward to my mundane life this week. Mr. Wonderful and I are very happy just being in our home together. Sometimes, the serenity is just so soothing.
It was so nice of the kids to stop by during the week to visit, too. Allison took a few days off and even had a couple of her local friends visit, as well. It was a cooking, eating, drinking party for several days.
I am glad my mom and sis had such a nice vacation. I went to work each morning, but left early each day - just to find the two of them still in their pj's when I got home! Afterall, THEY were on vacation!
I think I discovered a cure for my insomnia while they were here. After a long evening of good food and wine, I slept like a baby. The next night was more food and assorted cocktails, I slept all night through. Another night was more wine and lots of laughs. I suffered my insomnia again when my guests headed home. I guess having my sister around is a sure bet for a full night's sleep!
Looking forward to my mundane life this week. Mr. Wonderful and I are very happy just being in our home together. Sometimes, the serenity is just so soothing.
Thursday, March 20, 2014
Mother Nature's Magic?
So, our long awaited Spring has arrived. Just like that, I am packing away my boots and scarves! I am mentally preparing myself for what lies ahead.
I am making a mental note to wash the 4 curtains in my house ASAP (my version of Spring cleaning). I think I have to pack away the snowman that stands on my mantle, too. He needs to catch up on his rest for next Winter!
Time to pack away the firplace utensils and the leftover firewood. No more fires until next Winter!
Time to start planning the placement of my spring plantings. I long to see some color on my property. The brighter, the better. It will be a solid 6 weeks before I can break any soil, but I like to plan and be prepared. I like to changes things up each year both with colors and types of flowers.
Also time to thin out the wardrobe. I guess it is time to move those hooded sweatshirts into another closet, as well. Have to go dust off our bikes and fill those tires with air - I LOVE bike riding in the Spring - not too hot, not too cold.
Spring represents all things new. Just like THAT (snap your fingers) we will all be in a better frame of mind as we prepare for all the good things that Spring has to offer.
I am making a mental note to wash the 4 curtains in my house ASAP (my version of Spring cleaning). I think I have to pack away the snowman that stands on my mantle, too. He needs to catch up on his rest for next Winter!
Time to pack away the firplace utensils and the leftover firewood. No more fires until next Winter!
Time to start planning the placement of my spring plantings. I long to see some color on my property. The brighter, the better. It will be a solid 6 weeks before I can break any soil, but I like to plan and be prepared. I like to changes things up each year both with colors and types of flowers.
Also time to thin out the wardrobe. I guess it is time to move those hooded sweatshirts into another closet, as well. Have to go dust off our bikes and fill those tires with air - I LOVE bike riding in the Spring - not too hot, not too cold.
Spring represents all things new. Just like THAT (snap your fingers) we will all be in a better frame of mind as we prepare for all the good things that Spring has to offer.
Thursday, March 13, 2014
Reality
We went to go visit my mom this past weekend. She is 83. We had not been out there since before last Summer, as my weekend are devoted to my immediate family. We do see her on holidays as my brother will always pick her up when we are getting together.
As I reflect on the visit, seeing my husband and my mom in the same room, I am reminded that life is fragile and old age is a privilege. If there was ever a wake-up call to take better care of myself now, THIS WAS IT. I am bound and determined to be as independent as possible and not rely on my kids for my daily existence if I am lucky enough to live to a ripe old age. That means I have to lift my ass out of the chair now and get moving.
I will never go to a gym, so I must find ways of being less sedentary. Last week, Mr. W. moved the treadmill from the laundry room to the downstairs den, in front of the TV. I dusted off the cobwebs and thanked him. Haven't been down there since. Not sure what my aversion is to exercise. I think it is just a matter of getting into a routine. I have a routine now and it does not include sweating while working my ass off and going nowhere.
I can make logical arguments for getting on that treadmill - but, as any great debater well knows, I can make an equal argument for staying the hell off that dreaded machine! I think the winning argument may include less clothes, a scale and a mirror.....
As I reflect on the visit, seeing my husband and my mom in the same room, I am reminded that life is fragile and old age is a privilege. If there was ever a wake-up call to take better care of myself now, THIS WAS IT. I am bound and determined to be as independent as possible and not rely on my kids for my daily existence if I am lucky enough to live to a ripe old age. That means I have to lift my ass out of the chair now and get moving.
I will never go to a gym, so I must find ways of being less sedentary. Last week, Mr. W. moved the treadmill from the laundry room to the downstairs den, in front of the TV. I dusted off the cobwebs and thanked him. Haven't been down there since. Not sure what my aversion is to exercise. I think it is just a matter of getting into a routine. I have a routine now and it does not include sweating while working my ass off and going nowhere.
I can make logical arguments for getting on that treadmill - but, as any great debater well knows, I can make an equal argument for staying the hell off that dreaded machine! I think the winning argument may include less clothes, a scale and a mirror.....
Tuesday, March 04, 2014
Spring is on the Horizon!
Well, it's been over a month since I've posted anything. And, as they say, "no news is good news." Whereas Mr. W's forward progression has come to a snail's pace, at least he is not moving backwards. Sometimes, he gets frustrated with himself, but I always remind him how lucky we were and how awful this could have turned out.
Bobby and Suse have a new puppy, "Bailey", a happy-go-lucky yellow lab. Thankfully, they live pretty close to us as it is Mr. W's job to visit her everyday and take her for a walk while they are working. Being that he is the official "Dog Whisperer" in our family, this is something he does everyday with a smile. It is good for him to have something to do rather than just go to the doctor.
I know I often sing the praises of all 4 seasons, but this Winter has been especially rough on everyone. I am grateful that our snowblower is in tip-top shape and that Mike has been able to go out there and use it!
I am celebrating the coming of Spring with a great effort to give away, throw away, shred, etc. almost anything I can put my hands on these days. When did we become such pack rats? (and by "we", I mean "HE"). I keep telling him, "Make believe we are going to move. If we are not taking it to our new house, let's throw it away NOW!" It's a losing battle. I have succumbed to going in his closet and hiding things in the garbage every other day - LOL!! I am not sentimental when it comes to "stuff". I have my memories, and photographs, and a few trinkets that commemorate special times, but other than that - I can easily toss the clutter. It's a work in progress... a thankless job.
Just 2 more weeks until Spring arrives....
Mike will continue healing...
I will continue my de-cluttering...
Bailey will continue growing...
And Life goes on...
Bobby and Suse have a new puppy, "Bailey", a happy-go-lucky yellow lab. Thankfully, they live pretty close to us as it is Mr. W's job to visit her everyday and take her for a walk while they are working. Being that he is the official "Dog Whisperer" in our family, this is something he does everyday with a smile. It is good for him to have something to do rather than just go to the doctor.
I know I often sing the praises of all 4 seasons, but this Winter has been especially rough on everyone. I am grateful that our snowblower is in tip-top shape and that Mike has been able to go out there and use it!
I am celebrating the coming of Spring with a great effort to give away, throw away, shred, etc. almost anything I can put my hands on these days. When did we become such pack rats? (and by "we", I mean "HE"). I keep telling him, "Make believe we are going to move. If we are not taking it to our new house, let's throw it away NOW!" It's a losing battle. I have succumbed to going in his closet and hiding things in the garbage every other day - LOL!! I am not sentimental when it comes to "stuff". I have my memories, and photographs, and a few trinkets that commemorate special times, but other than that - I can easily toss the clutter. It's a work in progress... a thankless job.
Just 2 more weeks until Spring arrives....
Mike will continue healing...
I will continue my de-cluttering...
Bailey will continue growing...
And Life goes on...
Wednesday, January 29, 2014
Mr. Wonderful's Update
Yesterday started week 3 post treatment. True to form, a day after week 2, Mike's appetite slowly started to return. The meeting with the Radiologist last Friday was so positive. He was too pleased with the waning residual effects of the radiation. There are still some long lasting things to deal with, but that is a small price to pay to be rid of this beast.
They scheduled a follow-up Pet Scan for May 2. It is hard not to think about what that scan may show. I realize now that this is our "new normal". We have to take each day as it comes and enjoy all that life has to offer - as none of us knows what tomorrow will bring. I work very hard to push fear out of my way each morning. I tell myself, "I will not worry until I am told there is something to worry about."
Mike continues to have a positive outlook. He was determined to do all that he could to fight this disease. He is the "polar opposite" of a morning person, yet he rose every morning at 4:00am with no provocation from me. This, to me, was proof positive that he was serious about battling this. He told me, simply, that he was not ready to die. You gotta love that optimism!
I am making a valiant effort to slow down. I have (once again) removed caffeine from my diet and I am working real hard not to "live by the clock". I am bound and determined to enjoy each day.
They scheduled a follow-up Pet Scan for May 2. It is hard not to think about what that scan may show. I realize now that this is our "new normal". We have to take each day as it comes and enjoy all that life has to offer - as none of us knows what tomorrow will bring. I work very hard to push fear out of my way each morning. I tell myself, "I will not worry until I am told there is something to worry about."
Mike continues to have a positive outlook. He was determined to do all that he could to fight this disease. He is the "polar opposite" of a morning person, yet he rose every morning at 4:00am with no provocation from me. This, to me, was proof positive that he was serious about battling this. He told me, simply, that he was not ready to die. You gotta love that optimism!
I am making a valiant effort to slow down. I have (once again) removed caffeine from my diet and I am working real hard not to "live by the clock". I am bound and determined to enjoy each day.
Friday, January 17, 2014
Happy Birthday, Alexandra Michelle
As my first grandchild is about to turn 12, I am flooded with memories and emotions that I decided needed to be written down for posterity....
To my Dear Ally,
I remember so well waiting for you to be born. We all sat in the waiting room while your mom was in labor. So many hours later, we were told you would be delivered via C-Section. I was so happy that you were finally going to be here without any more stress on you or your mom. Your dad came out and announced your arrival and we all hugged and kissed and cried! After a quick peak at you, he sent everyone home, but Papa and I waited around and went to go see your mom to tell her how beautiful you were and what a good job she did. My life changed forever that day.
I made my best effort to come see you every single day. I would rush home from work and Papa and I would hop in the car and I would yell - "faster, faster!" I could not wait to get there to see you and hold you. I sang the same little lullabye every time I came into your room. Soon, you would hear that song and start squealing with laughter because you knew I was there. I always called you "grandma's good girl" - and in turn, you named me, "Guga".
Although "Papa" was your first word (yes, Papa, not mama, not dada), in my heart I knew I was your favorite person in the whole wide world! We had such a special bond right away. I was there for all your "firsts" - first tooth, first word, first step, first haircut, FIRST EVERYTHING!
I remember Papa and I coming to visit you and you saw us through your front door walking up thesteps. You started to jump up and down, clap your hands and scream with delight! I told Papa, "No one loves us like Ally does!!"
Ally, I saw the world differently when you came along. When I was raising your aunts and uncles, I was too busy tending to their needs. When you came along, I was only responsible for loving you and keeping you safe. You taught me to slow down and notice the flowers and the summer moon - things your Papa had been trying to do for years! I would take you bike riding - you on the back of my bike and you would point out the smallest detail in nature. Papa and I go bike riding now - he does the same thing and it always reminds me of you.
I have a picture in my bedroom of you and Papa when he took you kite flying. I can hear your laughter when I look at that photo. You were so amazed and so excited as you yelled, "Higher, Papa, higher!!"
AND, my favorite memory EVER: You were 2 yrs old and your father reprimanded you for something and you called him a JACKASS! He was so angry with you that he put you on the steps for a 2 minute "time out". I was watching the time count down and was so sad for you. When time was up, your dad asked you if you were ready to apologize. You nodded your head, got up and proclaimed, "I am sorry you are a jackass, Daddy!" Recalling this story always makes me laugh out loud.
For years, I made all your Halloween costumes and "special clothes" for Summer camp. My sewing machine was going all the time! One year I made Raggedy Ann and Andy costumes for you and your friend Olivia. I think that was my favorite project.
We took a family trip to Hershey one year. You begged to stay in our room and even though there were 2 beds, you, me and Papa all slept in the same bed - with ME in the middle!! You and Papa slept great....
Not sure you know this, but every night at 7:30 pm an alarm goes off on my phone. A screen appears that says, "Good night, Ally and Ava." And for that instant, I am sending you both all my love and wishing you both pleasant dreams.
There will be other grandchildren (Ava, for instance), and they, too, will be loved with all my heart. They will be special in their own way.... But, there can only be ONE First grandchild, and that is you, my love.
"I carry your heart with me. I carry it in my heart."
Happy Birthday, Ally.
Love, Guga
To my Dear Ally,
I remember so well waiting for you to be born. We all sat in the waiting room while your mom was in labor. So many hours later, we were told you would be delivered via C-Section. I was so happy that you were finally going to be here without any more stress on you or your mom. Your dad came out and announced your arrival and we all hugged and kissed and cried! After a quick peak at you, he sent everyone home, but Papa and I waited around and went to go see your mom to tell her how beautiful you were and what a good job she did. My life changed forever that day.
I made my best effort to come see you every single day. I would rush home from work and Papa and I would hop in the car and I would yell - "faster, faster!" I could not wait to get there to see you and hold you. I sang the same little lullabye every time I came into your room. Soon, you would hear that song and start squealing with laughter because you knew I was there. I always called you "grandma's good girl" - and in turn, you named me, "Guga".
Although "Papa" was your first word (yes, Papa, not mama, not dada), in my heart I knew I was your favorite person in the whole wide world! We had such a special bond right away. I was there for all your "firsts" - first tooth, first word, first step, first haircut, FIRST EVERYTHING!
I remember Papa and I coming to visit you and you saw us through your front door walking up thesteps. You started to jump up and down, clap your hands and scream with delight! I told Papa, "No one loves us like Ally does!!"
Ally, I saw the world differently when you came along. When I was raising your aunts and uncles, I was too busy tending to their needs. When you came along, I was only responsible for loving you and keeping you safe. You taught me to slow down and notice the flowers and the summer moon - things your Papa had been trying to do for years! I would take you bike riding - you on the back of my bike and you would point out the smallest detail in nature. Papa and I go bike riding now - he does the same thing and it always reminds me of you.
I have a picture in my bedroom of you and Papa when he took you kite flying. I can hear your laughter when I look at that photo. You were so amazed and so excited as you yelled, "Higher, Papa, higher!!"
AND, my favorite memory EVER: You were 2 yrs old and your father reprimanded you for something and you called him a JACKASS! He was so angry with you that he put you on the steps for a 2 minute "time out". I was watching the time count down and was so sad for you. When time was up, your dad asked you if you were ready to apologize. You nodded your head, got up and proclaimed, "I am sorry you are a jackass, Daddy!" Recalling this story always makes me laugh out loud.
For years, I made all your Halloween costumes and "special clothes" for Summer camp. My sewing machine was going all the time! One year I made Raggedy Ann and Andy costumes for you and your friend Olivia. I think that was my favorite project.
We took a family trip to Hershey one year. You begged to stay in our room and even though there were 2 beds, you, me and Papa all slept in the same bed - with ME in the middle!! You and Papa slept great....
Not sure you know this, but every night at 7:30 pm an alarm goes off on my phone. A screen appears that says, "Good night, Ally and Ava." And for that instant, I am sending you both all my love and wishing you both pleasant dreams.
There will be other grandchildren (Ava, for instance), and they, too, will be loved with all my heart. They will be special in their own way.... But, there can only be ONE First grandchild, and that is you, my love.
"I carry your heart with me. I carry it in my heart."
Happy Birthday, Ally.
Love, Guga
Thursday, January 09, 2014
Christmas Angels
My beautiful granddaughters
Ally nearly 12
Ava 7 1/2
"I carry your hearts with me... I carry them in my heart"
Ava 7 1/2
"I carry your hearts with me... I carry them in my heart"
Wednesday, January 08, 2014
And now we heal...
Mike finished his last treatment yesterday. It was a LONG 6+ weeks, but it is over. God bless Allison who drove him these last couple weeks as he was too weak to go it alone. They would both get up at 4:00am to make that trek into the city. On his good days, he would critique her driving skills. On his "not-so-good" days, he would just sleep back and forth. Happy to say, they have both survived the experience and I am sure they have pockets full of memories, as well.
Brandy nudged me at 4:00am this morning.... I forgot to let her know that we don't have to get moving that early anymore. She was a good pup and went right back to sleep as I told her, "Not today, Brandy."
The doctor said Mike's side effects will worsen these next 2 weeks, then begin to wane. You know the expression, "When you are going through hell, KEEP GOING!" - So, that is what we will do - we will look ahead, taking one day at a time...and we will eventually get on the "healing path". They will do another scan in 4 months.
I am not sure if this experience has 'changed' us or just helped to elevate other emotions that have been sitting idle. I see the kids working together, but then again, they always have, I just never really paid attention to it. I see Mike and I grateful for each day together, but we never took our lives for granted. We felt the outpouring of love and caring from friends and extended family..... I am sure it was all there before, but they all came through with cards, texts, emails, phone calls, etc. when we needed it most.
My Mr. Wonderful is a humble man. He would tear up with every gesture of support. He is both awed and grateful by the attention.
I will shout it from the highest mountain, :THANK YOU to everyone who held us up when we were struggling to make it through the day.
Below is a picture of the mask that Mike wore during his treatments. He was bolted down to the table each day.
Brandy nudged me at 4:00am this morning.... I forgot to let her know that we don't have to get moving that early anymore. She was a good pup and went right back to sleep as I told her, "Not today, Brandy."
The doctor said Mike's side effects will worsen these next 2 weeks, then begin to wane. You know the expression, "When you are going through hell, KEEP GOING!" - So, that is what we will do - we will look ahead, taking one day at a time...and we will eventually get on the "healing path". They will do another scan in 4 months.
I am not sure if this experience has 'changed' us or just helped to elevate other emotions that have been sitting idle. I see the kids working together, but then again, they always have, I just never really paid attention to it. I see Mike and I grateful for each day together, but we never took our lives for granted. We felt the outpouring of love and caring from friends and extended family..... I am sure it was all there before, but they all came through with cards, texts, emails, phone calls, etc. when we needed it most.
My Mr. Wonderful is a humble man. He would tear up with every gesture of support. He is both awed and grateful by the attention.
I will shout it from the highest mountain, :THANK YOU to everyone who held us up when we were struggling to make it through the day.
Below is a picture of the mask that Mike wore during his treatments. He was bolted down to the table each day.
Wednesday, December 18, 2013
Still counting the blessings.....
I am counting our Christmas blessings.... our kids are all healthy.... we are all comfortable.... Mike is well on his way to finishing up his treatments...
The mailman brings us reminders each day of the amazing family and friends who think about us and are praying for us....
As adults, we realize that Christmas is not about the jolly old man in the red suit anymore... it's about the things that money cannot buy... We are lucky, we've been blessed.
Friday, December 06, 2013
Giving up the reins.... for a minute
Thanksgiving was wonderful. I managed to pull off cooking the entire meal without the help of my trusty sidekick. He has been going to the city everyday for treatment and he has little energy for much else. No worries though, the food was delicious and everyone had a great time.
After the guests left, Bobby and Suse approached me and asked to have Christmas day at their house "just this year". Suse figured it would be easier on me not to have to shop, cook, decorate, entertain, etc. As Mike continues the radiation, the side effects will just get more and more pronounced. My time and energy is simply wrapped up in his well being. So, I agreed to let the kids have the holiday.
Christmas will be different this year. Although none of the kids have expressed a desire for any particular gift, we will all exchange presents and smile and be jolly, on the OUSIDE. On the INSIDE, we will all be grateful that Mr. Wonderful has been given a new lease on life. We won't talk about it.... No one will mention his 'sunburned' cheek, his swollen face, or his lack of appetite.... We will not be at our house.... it will be different....just for this year....
After the guests left, Bobby and Suse approached me and asked to have Christmas day at their house "just this year". Suse figured it would be easier on me not to have to shop, cook, decorate, entertain, etc. As Mike continues the radiation, the side effects will just get more and more pronounced. My time and energy is simply wrapped up in his well being. So, I agreed to let the kids have the holiday.
Christmas will be different this year. Although none of the kids have expressed a desire for any particular gift, we will all exchange presents and smile and be jolly, on the OUSIDE. On the INSIDE, we will all be grateful that Mr. Wonderful has been given a new lease on life. We won't talk about it.... No one will mention his 'sunburned' cheek, his swollen face, or his lack of appetite.... We will not be at our house.... it will be different....just for this year....
Thursday, November 21, 2013
"...but, what if.......?"
Thanksgiving is just a week away. I am now putting together my "to-do" list. All of the kids put in their requests for their favorite dishes, and just as I predicted, it will be the same menu, once again. No need for a shopping list, I can do this shopping with my eyes closed. I will start the cooking this weekend and everything will be ready to go for the "repeat meal with the flightless bird".
When I can bring the chatter in my dining room down to a gentle roar, I often ask my guests what they are most thankful for. My kids are used to this as we often do it when we are gathered together. The answers are always the same (my spouse, my kids, my family, etc.), I know this even before we start. I just think it is a good opportunity for each of us to say it out loud.
This year will be a little different for me. Whereas I am always grateful for my Mr. Wonderful and my children, this year is special. When confronted by serious illness and the threat of potential disaster, it is hard not to play the "what if...?" game. Watching my kids 'step up the plate' and create a protective wall around Mike and I was truly a gift.
This year, I am thankful that I will never have to say "what if?" anymore. My kids have already answered that question for us.
When I can bring the chatter in my dining room down to a gentle roar, I often ask my guests what they are most thankful for. My kids are used to this as we often do it when we are gathered together. The answers are always the same (my spouse, my kids, my family, etc.), I know this even before we start. I just think it is a good opportunity for each of us to say it out loud.
This year will be a little different for me. Whereas I am always grateful for my Mr. Wonderful and my children, this year is special. When confronted by serious illness and the threat of potential disaster, it is hard not to play the "what if...?" game. Watching my kids 'step up the plate' and create a protective wall around Mike and I was truly a gift.
This year, I am thankful that I will never have to say "what if?" anymore. My kids have already answered that question for us.
Wednesday, November 13, 2013
Seasonally speaking....
And so the season has changed once again. Out come the hoodies and uggs (and knee socks). We have been jolted into the Fall with a glimpse of what the Winter will bring. I am almost glad it happened so I can once again pay attention to the beauty of the changing leaves and the awesome sunsets that happen in the Autumn.
Some people grumble about the cold weather year after year - as if it's a suprise that Winter has arrived. We live in the Northeast people! We have 4 seasons. Each one has a magical property, yet it is up to each of us to seek it out.
Spring brings the budding flowers and the promise of new life.
Summer brings the warm sunshine and family BBQ's.
Fall brings the beautiful changing landscapes.
Winter brings the cold air to kill off all the nasty germs to allow a fresh start again in the Spring.
Change is inevitable in life. Seasons change... people change... life changes.... It is up to us to find the magic everyday.
Some people grumble about the cold weather year after year - as if it's a suprise that Winter has arrived. We live in the Northeast people! We have 4 seasons. Each one has a magical property, yet it is up to each of us to seek it out.
Spring brings the budding flowers and the promise of new life.
Summer brings the warm sunshine and family BBQ's.
Fall brings the beautiful changing landscapes.
Winter brings the cold air to kill off all the nasty germs to allow a fresh start again in the Spring.
Change is inevitable in life. Seasons change... people change... life changes.... It is up to us to find the magic everyday.
Wednesday, October 30, 2013
Time and Tide wait for no one
Can't believe the Holidays are just around the corner. It seems like it was just Memorial Day! I guess it is true when they say, "the older you get, the faster the time goes" - or so it seems.
Time to look ahead...
With Halloween just a day away, I am reminded that we did not get any pumpkins this year - but I do have a bounty of Halloween candy to distribute. I am sure I can find a use for the leftovers, if there are any.
Mr. W. will go through 6 weeks of radiation, starting in about a month. We CAN do ANYTHING for 6 weeks - this is not permanent! Soon, with the help of God, this whole situation will just be a memory.
Time to plan the Thanksgiving menu - not sure why I try to "plan" it at all. These kids ask for the same stuff year after year!! I still think asking them what they want to eat is part of the holiday process, so I will indeed ask - and refer to last year's list!!
Our 36th Wedding Anniversary is December 3rd. We will surely do something special..... like hold hands while we order some pizza to be delivered. The older we get, the more we like to stay home. I am grateful that my home is a safe haven for us both.
Just have to put up a tree and hang the stockings....
It really doesn't matter what is going on - Life goes on....
Time to look ahead...
With Halloween just a day away, I am reminded that we did not get any pumpkins this year - but I do have a bounty of Halloween candy to distribute. I am sure I can find a use for the leftovers, if there are any.
Mr. W. will go through 6 weeks of radiation, starting in about a month. We CAN do ANYTHING for 6 weeks - this is not permanent! Soon, with the help of God, this whole situation will just be a memory.
Time to plan the Thanksgiving menu - not sure why I try to "plan" it at all. These kids ask for the same stuff year after year!! I still think asking them what they want to eat is part of the holiday process, so I will indeed ask - and refer to last year's list!!
Our 36th Wedding Anniversary is December 3rd. We will surely do something special..... like hold hands while we order some pizza to be delivered. The older we get, the more we like to stay home. I am grateful that my home is a safe haven for us both.
Just have to put up a tree and hang the stockings....
It really doesn't matter what is going on - Life goes on....
Friday, October 18, 2013
Another milestone
Congratulations to Bobby and Suse on the purchase of their new home! So proud of these kids. They really know the value of a dollar and they worked very hard to make this possible. It is a beautiful house that they turned into a home in just minutes. Their love is so evident the moment you walk through the door.
I can't help but wonder if our job, as parents, is finished? All the kids are settled. All the kids seem happy. Do they need us anymore? Other than worrying about them, I am not sure there is anything else we can do for them! Mr. Wonderful and I are so proud of all our kids... It is not their accomplishments that awe us, but the fact that they are really and truly "good" people.
Our entire marriage can be classified in stages:
We were newlyweds for 10 minutes
We had kids
The kids were all in school
I went back to work
The kids started moving out
WE SURVIVED THE TEEN YEARS - (it only took 22 years!)
Mr. W. retired
The kids started coming back home
The kids moved out again
I wonder what the next stage is???
I can't help but wonder if our job, as parents, is finished? All the kids are settled. All the kids seem happy. Do they need us anymore? Other than worrying about them, I am not sure there is anything else we can do for them! Mr. Wonderful and I are so proud of all our kids... It is not their accomplishments that awe us, but the fact that they are really and truly "good" people.
Our entire marriage can be classified in stages:
We were newlyweds for 10 minutes
We had kids
The kids were all in school
I went back to work
The kids started moving out
WE SURVIVED THE TEEN YEARS - (it only took 22 years!)
Mr. W. retired
The kids started coming back home
The kids moved out again
I wonder what the next stage is???
Tuesday, October 15, 2013
Praise God
Surgery is nearly a week behind us. Just so glad that portion is over. The surgeons feel as through they removed any possible trace of the cancer, but, they also said, microscopic particles can still be lingering in the area. Radiation will begin in a couple weeks.
Recuperation has not been easy for Mike. His face is swollen, bruised and somewhat distorted. The removal of bone, the manipulation of his eye, trying to control bleeding - recovering from all of this will take some time. BUT, HE WILL RECOVER!
I must sing the praises of my children. They have just been troopers, working together to get everything done so I could concentrate on Mike. Phone calls, texts, hospital visits, chauffeuring us around, filling the house with food and just loving each other. Truly a testament to a cohesive family.
The outpouring of love and concern from extended family just left us speechless. Mike was amazed when I was reading him the messages.
We have been truly blessed with wonderful family and friends. It is times like these when you realize and feel the love that surrounds you everyday. We are humbled by the attention, yet we continue to ask for prayers until this nightmare is behind us.
Recuperation has not been easy for Mike. His face is swollen, bruised and somewhat distorted. The removal of bone, the manipulation of his eye, trying to control bleeding - recovering from all of this will take some time. BUT, HE WILL RECOVER!
I must sing the praises of my children. They have just been troopers, working together to get everything done so I could concentrate on Mike. Phone calls, texts, hospital visits, chauffeuring us around, filling the house with food and just loving each other. Truly a testament to a cohesive family.
The outpouring of love and concern from extended family just left us speechless. Mike was amazed when I was reading him the messages.
We have been truly blessed with wonderful family and friends. It is times like these when you realize and feel the love that surrounds you everyday. We are humbled by the attention, yet we continue to ask for prayers until this nightmare is behind us.
Tuesday, October 08, 2013
Tomorrow's the day
Yesterday we saw 3 different doctors, ending with the surgeon. No matter how prepared we thought we were, nothing can prepare you for a surgeon who MUST tell you all the possible outcomes of this surgery. No need to go into all the details here, suffice it to say, it was quite nerve wracking.
I still find it hard to believe that Mike is as sick as they say. He looks great. He feels great. Of course, after hearing all that was said yesterday, he is quite shaken up. Perhaps, if he didn't look so good, this would be easier for him to handle. It would be easier for me to understand this stage of the disease if he was in pain or not feeling well.
I still can't say that he "has cancer". I find myself saying, "the tumor is cancerous". I am not in denial.... I am just hopeful that this will all simply fade away like a bad memory.
After hours of meeting with these doctors, not one of us asked, "what's the prognosis?" Can't help but wonder why they didn't mention it.... I have decided that I do not want to know and I hope Mike never asks.
I have told everyone I know that my Mr. Wonderful will be in surgery tomorrow. Hoping that God, the angels and saints will get tired of hearing his name...
I still find it hard to believe that Mike is as sick as they say. He looks great. He feels great. Of course, after hearing all that was said yesterday, he is quite shaken up. Perhaps, if he didn't look so good, this would be easier for him to handle. It would be easier for me to understand this stage of the disease if he was in pain or not feeling well.
I still can't say that he "has cancer". I find myself saying, "the tumor is cancerous". I am not in denial.... I am just hopeful that this will all simply fade away like a bad memory.
After hours of meeting with these doctors, not one of us asked, "what's the prognosis?" Can't help but wonder why they didn't mention it.... I have decided that I do not want to know and I hope Mike never asks.
I have told everyone I know that my Mr. Wonderful will be in surgery tomorrow. Hoping that God, the angels and saints will get tired of hearing his name...
Thursday, October 03, 2013
"Happy Anniversary, Bobby and Suse"
As we get ready to celebrate Bobby and Suse's first Anniversary, I thought it would be nice to publish Michael's Best Man Speech.
"Good evening everyone, on behalf of Bobby and Suse I’d like to thank everyone for being here tonight and helping in making this a special day.
For those of you who don’t know me, (you’re probably better off that way), I am Bobby’s older brother, only brother and the BEST MAN. And I have to say bobby, it only took you 27 years for you to admit that I am the best man!
I really need to say how proud I am of my baby brother, and how proud I am with all he’s done and achieved.
As Bobby’s older brother, I’ve obviously know him his whole life. Though it’s usually the younger brother who has to live up to an older brother’s achievements, but with us it seemed the other way around. Some of you might think it was hard for me to keep up with Bobby’s accomplishments, But really, I was just looking out for him by keeping the bar so low. He pretty much learned everything NOT to do from my, YOU’RE WELCOME BRO!
There are so many highlights about our childhood together, I just don’t have time to go through them all; but 2 of the best memories that really shine were 1) the ability I had to make him laugh so hard, milk would literally pour from his nose… And of course my personal favorite, when we were really young, we shared a bedroom where there were many times of getting in trouble for the late night giggles…. Of course as any good older brother would do; Torture! (heHe) For example: he was so gullible that he actually believed that I would actually eat him; Remember bobby? Mmmmm, I’m gonna eat you “munch, munch, munch” That’s when the giggles stopped and our “Oh so wonderful mother would stand in the door way waving a wooden spoon in her hand. (Love you for those wonder memories of wooden spoons ma) I don’t think bobby and I could ever look at a wooden spoon the same ever again. Oh the years of therapy…. Just kidding
Bobby, it was nice growing up with someone like you, someone to lean on, someone to count on, and someone to tell on!
Sometimes being a brother is better than being a superhero, and even though you probably, no, wait most definitely kick my ass now, I know you’re still a lil afraid of me.
Just a piece of advice to those who have younger brothers, be careful how much you tease him, because when he grows up, well take a look, the guy can bench press me. I wish someone told me this when I was younger.
All for one, one for all, my brother my friend, what fun we have, the time we share; Brothers always till the end.
Now, over six years ago this beautiful girl came into my brother’s life, SUSE. We all knew that she was the only one for him. She puts up with his Storchevoy Madness, she sees put his faults and amazingly she sees past his receding hair line (maybe it’s a height thing.)? She really doesn’t mind that her hubby will probably be bald by the end of this speech. To quote my grandfather, “Bobby’s hair was so wavy, it simply waved good bye”. Although I prefer his other quote, “Grass doesn’t grow on stones”!
Suse, you are a beautiful, bright talented young girl. WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU THINKING?? Just kidding. You make my brother the stand up man he is today, you’ve changed him for the better, and I personally want to thank you for giving him an actual sense of fashion.
You two make such a beautiful couple, and you will make such a beautiful family. (Let’s just pray they get suse’s hair!)
Suse, you really have done such a wonderful job at making today as beautiful as it is, but in all honestly its your beauty and glow that really makes it what it is. I am truly happy to call you my sister.
Mr.& Mrs. Mendes, I want to congratulate you on raising such a wonderful daughter, someone who really has every amazing quality a young bride could ever have.
Mom& Dad, You raised a helluva kid, but I’d like to think I assisted in some of the character building.
Congratulations’ to both parents, and more importantly Congratulations to Bobby and Suse!
Bobby, remember, “Yes Suse, No, that doesn’t make you look…, you’re absolutely right Suse, I’m Sorry Suse, it is all my fault.” These words are key to any good marriage.
May you both have a lifetime of happiness, success, laughter and bliss and may it grow stronger each day.
The end of my Best Man speech is upon us, ladies and gentlemen, so before we toast the Newlyweds, all that remains is for me to thank each of you for my making my role as Best Man an unforgettable experience. Unlike my speech, it is a day that I don’t want to end and I look forward to the rest of the evening and the chance to meet with you all. Today has been a wonderful occasion one that will live long in the memory and I am sure, like me, that you are privileged to be part of it and for that we are indebted to Bobby and Suse.I Love you both,
BOBBY& SUSE!
CHEERS!
Good Job, Michael..... you made us all laugh and cry. It was one of my favorite highlights of the day!
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