I am a fun person... (so I've been told).
In my ever changing life, I am bouncing between the single teenager I was 40 years ago and the person I am today who buys "senior" tickets as entry to the movies (this grey hair works in my favor sometimes). These past 40 years were filled with responsibility - being an attentive wife and the best mom I could be. Well, my "wife" title no longer applies and my children are all adults. So, where does that leave me?
I have opened the door to the rest of my life. I am taking a few things with me: my years of experience, my fragile heart, and my sense of humor. I like to smile. I like to laugh. I like to hear the laughter of others. I have found that a smile is surely contagious.
Everyone has "crap" - we just carry it differently. I like to keep mine safely bundled up deep inside. I am learning that life is way too short to give "the crap" center stage.
I have witnessed my kids finding humor in the blandest of situations - I take credit for that! I am so grateful that I've passed on the importance of laughter. I am resigned to face the rest of my life with open arms and a smile.... hoping I can make some other people smile along the way....
Thursday, March 31, 2016
Wednesday, March 23, 2016
Easter - an time for renewal
As Easter approached, I found myself starting to creep towards that "rabbit hole" of depression. Tears would flow for no apparent reason. I was starting to feel angry. I was barely sleeping. I thought, to myself, this was typical as another holiday was upon us.
I think the next step in my grief is to make peace with God.
In talking to a good friend, questions were being posed to me. Why was I angry? Who was I angry with, Mike or God? What was different this week? Why would I cry and not know why? -
(I am lucky to have people in my life who will ask the hard questions.)
I tackled those questions like a highly motivated Catholic School Girl with an urgent assignment! Sure, Easter was nearly here, another freaking holiday alone. Yes, I have so many people in my life, but I am still alone - and that is why I am angry. I was a WONDERFUL wife. I loved being Mike's wife. I was good at it. It was the best part of my life. It just seems so wrong that I am without him now. Was I angry with Mike? - Absolutely NOT. I know how much that man loved me. He never wanted to leave me. Perhaps, God and I still need to sort things out.....
My friend (in a very firm voice) then reminded me of a couple things: I had 39 years of being in love. How many people can say that? I have incredible children. I have my good health. I have a loving extended family who all watch over me. I have a great job and I am financially stable. (Sometimes, it takes an outsider to state the obvious.)
Brandy and I went to the beach after work yesterday. The sun, the sand, the vastness of the ocean.... all gifts from God - along with special people in my life who help me to stay on track.
Thursday, March 17, 2016
No need to feel alone....
So last night I walked into a room full of strangers..... apprehensive at first, but it faded quickly. We were all widows and widowers. We were all family with a common core. We've all lost that most special person in our lives. That was the only thing 65 people had in common - and it was enough.
As I looked around the room, I saw nothing but smiling faces. Some people knew each other already, but most were strangers to each other - for a minute. Some lost their spouses a decade ago, some just 6 months ago. They were not afraid to ask questions: "When did it happen?" "Was he sick?" "How long were you married?" "HOW ARE YOU?" We've all walked the path, we all know the drill. I hugged a lot of people last night. It felt right...it felt good.
This is not a bereavement group. This is a group of people who want to move on with their lives after a devastating loss. These people want to live. No one wants to be eligible for this club. We just are.
So grateful to have found them.
As I looked around the room, I saw nothing but smiling faces. Some people knew each other already, but most were strangers to each other - for a minute. Some lost their spouses a decade ago, some just 6 months ago. They were not afraid to ask questions: "When did it happen?" "Was he sick?" "How long were you married?" "HOW ARE YOU?" We've all walked the path, we all know the drill. I hugged a lot of people last night. It felt right...it felt good.
This is not a bereavement group. This is a group of people who want to move on with their lives after a devastating loss. These people want to live. No one wants to be eligible for this club. We just are.
So grateful to have found them.
Friday, March 11, 2016
Glass House
I never wanted this blog to be about my new status as a widow..... but there are a few observations that need to be addressed.
I have always been a strong willed, independent person. Sure, I discussed things with Mr. W, but we generally saw eye-to-eye on most things. His was the only opinion that ever mattered to me.
Since I am alone, I have found that everyone has an opinion on how I should live my life. I know that people 'mean well' (whatever that means). But, seriously, unless you have been widowed, you cannot possibly understand my life right now and why you would ever offer life suggestions befuddles (great word!) me.
Some suggestions I've heard:
You need to get rid of this big house
You must keep the house now
You don't need those dogs now
You need to keep those dogs for company
You are doing too much
You are not doing enough
You need to get rid of that car
Take off your wedding ring
Don't take off your wedding ring
You are not getting enough sleep
You need to eat more
You need to go to therapy
You need to find a support group
You need a companion
It is too soon for a companion
To my happily married friends:
Mike and I had a good marriage. We were truly in love and treasured each other. 'Being in love' was the best part of my life. This may surprise you all, but I know I would like to experience that again one day. I will always love Mike, but he is gone from this earth. I am here and I want to continue living.
To my unhappily married friends:
I know there is a part of you that thinks I have a good life now. I come and go as I please. I accept every invitation without having to 'run it by anyone'. I hop on a plane at a moment's notice. If I want chips and beer for dinner, so be it. I watch whatever I want on TV. I can blast my music through the house. Just remember, at the end of the day, I come home to an empty house and climb into my bed and sleep alone, night after night....
To all the 'well meaning' folks out there:
My whole life changed in an instant. There is no way to prepare to be a widow. I was really good at being a wife - I have been trying very hard to figure out how NOT to do that now. When did my life become an open book, open for discussion? Until you've walked in my shoes, please do not judge me.
I am not the same person I was a year ago. I will never be that person again. I was broken and I am now putting my pieces back together - I am putting them back differently now.... I am fearless...
I have always been a strong willed, independent person. Sure, I discussed things with Mr. W, but we generally saw eye-to-eye on most things. His was the only opinion that ever mattered to me.
Since I am alone, I have found that everyone has an opinion on how I should live my life. I know that people 'mean well' (whatever that means). But, seriously, unless you have been widowed, you cannot possibly understand my life right now and why you would ever offer life suggestions befuddles (great word!) me.
Some suggestions I've heard:
You need to get rid of this big house
You must keep the house now
You don't need those dogs now
You need to keep those dogs for company
You are doing too much
You are not doing enough
You need to get rid of that car
Take off your wedding ring
Don't take off your wedding ring
You are not getting enough sleep
You need to eat more
You need to go to therapy
You need to find a support group
You need a companion
It is too soon for a companion
To my happily married friends:
Mike and I had a good marriage. We were truly in love and treasured each other. 'Being in love' was the best part of my life. This may surprise you all, but I know I would like to experience that again one day. I will always love Mike, but he is gone from this earth. I am here and I want to continue living.
To my unhappily married friends:
I know there is a part of you that thinks I have a good life now. I come and go as I please. I accept every invitation without having to 'run it by anyone'. I hop on a plane at a moment's notice. If I want chips and beer for dinner, so be it. I watch whatever I want on TV. I can blast my music through the house. Just remember, at the end of the day, I come home to an empty house and climb into my bed and sleep alone, night after night....
To all the 'well meaning' folks out there:
My whole life changed in an instant. There is no way to prepare to be a widow. I was really good at being a wife - I have been trying very hard to figure out how NOT to do that now. When did my life become an open book, open for discussion? Until you've walked in my shoes, please do not judge me.
I am not the same person I was a year ago. I will never be that person again. I was broken and I am now putting my pieces back together - I am putting them back differently now.... I am fearless...
Wednesday, February 24, 2016
Updating My Mate
Dear Mike
It just amazes me how most days and nights tend to drag on forever, yet, in the blink of an eye you are gone 9 months already. A lot has happened since you've left.
First, I fell and broke my ankle and my foot in two places, and severed a ligament. No, I was not running a marathon, I was simply walking down the steps. This has certainly slowed me down a bit - but you know I am like the Energizer Bunny -and I just keep going.
Michael decided that I needed an alarm on the house. He arranged everything and made me promise to use it religiously. AND I DID, for a little while, anyway.... Bobby changed the locks on the doors, too. I am still trying to figure out if they are trying to keep me locked in or out!!
The holidays were a drag, but we all survived them. I know I am kidding myself when I say next year will be better - but you also know I will do what I have to do to make sure the "smiles" remain in our home. God Bless our kids, they can find humor in damn near anything - and I welcome it.
The extended family has been amazing. Those loud, crazy, warm Italian cousins stay in constant touch and keep me hopping. I've been to Tampa, Cape May, North Jersey, and Daytona - Salt Lake City is next! They all tell such wonderful stories of you throughout the years. You were the first one from our generation to leave and they are all realizing how precious life is. When you died, we made a vow to see each other more often and not just for weddings and funerals. At least once per visit, someone mentions "your perfect hair"! They are still all so jealous.
Blind Cat has become my best friend. Remember how that cat would never give me the right time of day??? Now, he insists on sleeping smack up against me every night. He would sleep on my chest if I let him. Pepper and Boo have not ventured upstairs since you left. I see them occasionally as I tend to them each morning. Do you hear me cussing as I clean their litter boxes and wash out their bowls??
Brandy is still mourning you. She developed a nervous condition where she would constantly lick her arms. The Vet suggested I put her on Prozac - you KNOW I am not agreeing to that! She wore your long sleeve T-shirts for most of the Winter. I think that helped comfort her a bit, and saved her arms from permanent damage. Louie? Well, you know Louie..... I don't even think he notices you are gone. He always was such an ass!! It is good to come home to these two rascals each day.
The boys decided that I needed to put the car in the garage this Winter. They worked very hard to clear out one side of the garage to accommodate the Jeep. I gave Bobby the tool chests. He and Michael worked together to make sure all the tools were properly divided. They only made one mistake - they did not leave me ANYTHING!!! Now, whenever they have to fix something at the house, they scrounge around the house to find "tool substitutes"! I think they decided to buy a new bunch of stuff to keep at our house. They made me practice backing into the garage over and over - YES, I did it just to placate them - HOWEVER, the very next day, I pulled the car in and have not backed it in ever since!! Michael put up a STOP sign to mark the place I should stop the car. Bobby did not think that was sufficient. He hung a wooden monkey (I am not kidding) that knocks into the windshield each day. The good news? I always stop the car prior to going through a wall!!
It is time to paint the inside of the house. The kids reminded me that my choice of paint color would include 9 different shades of white and as a result, they have decided that I CANNOT change any of the existing colors. Of course, during one of my cleaning rants, I tossed every paint can I could put my hands on and we have no idea what colors you actually chose 5 years ago. We sent Brett to Benjamin Moore for color charts. We are now on the second week of trying to match those one inch squares with the paint on the walls - I am sure you are laughing! I was also informed that I am "not allowed" to have the bedroom painted - Remember, over our headboard, are the words "Just one lifetime won't be enough for us" - and the kids added "and we will torture each other for all of eternity" - No one is ready for that to disappear....
The original lemon tree died ... ok, so maybe I didn't water it as much as I should have - BUT, in my defense, I remember to water the dogs everyday! The little lemon tree yielded 2 lemons!! We promptly made "lemon drop shots" and savored every bit. There is no other fruit on the tree - not sure how long I will have to keep watering this one before I can let it die a natural death.....
I did find a stack of old lottery tickets - and I made Bobby take them to your little store to be checked - Everyone of them was a winner! $2 here, $3 there, etc. I took all the money and played your number (526) everyday for a couple months. Sadly, I didn't win a dime - but I did enjoy checking the results each day.
Hey! What's with the rocks?? I have found rocks in nearly every one of your drawers. There was a little bag in your closet and even that was full of rocks. I keep putting them on the side of the house. Sometimes, I come home from work and find a rock or two in the driveway. Is that you??
I have learned that our marriage was quite special. I almost find it humorous that we did not know that! I know we both worked hard at our marriage everyday - we each made it a priority in our lives. I also know that we not only loved each other, but we were IN love. I miss you everyday, but I am so grateful that you are pain free and at peace. You taught me so much about life, but you never taught me how to live it without you by my side. I am working on that everyday.
I find it adorable that Allison will call/text everyday and ask, "Are you having a good day today?" I am careful to be "up" most days - I know that if I am having a bad moment, it will soon pass and I do not need for her to try to figure out a way to 'make me better'. I am working hard to bring her back to being my daughter and not my emotional caretaker.
Michelle is still trying to get me to dye my hair!! She seems obsessed with getting me to look younger and eat well! I just laugh and do as I please - I know you are not surprised.
Storchevoy Sundays continue to occur - WHEN I AM FREE ON A SUNDAY! I find the kids just like to be together, cooking and laughing. I love that they seem to linger at the table longer, too. Sometimes, they discuss my life, right in front of me, as if I was not there!! It just tickles me to watch them together. We did a good job with these kids - it wasn't ever easy, but it was totally worth the work. They are simply good human beings - who could ask for more than that?
So, my dear, have you noticed how different I am? I am no longer simply "Mike's Wife". I fell apart when you left...but I am slowly putting myself back together again. I am putting the pieces back differently now. I no longer think in terms of "we". In our true fashion, I still go everywhere I am invited and I am truly grateful for the distractions. They say time heals all wounds, so I am working hard to pass the time. I try not to make long range plans for the future anymore, as I now understand that life can change in an instant. I still feel sad at times, but I recall all that we had throughout the years and I have learned to turn that sadness into a thankful prayer.
I am smiling more these days as I recall that you never wanted to see me cry. Yes, life goes on.... but it is a different life.
Love you always.
It just amazes me how most days and nights tend to drag on forever, yet, in the blink of an eye you are gone 9 months already. A lot has happened since you've left.
First, I fell and broke my ankle and my foot in two places, and severed a ligament. No, I was not running a marathon, I was simply walking down the steps. This has certainly slowed me down a bit - but you know I am like the Energizer Bunny -and I just keep going.
Michael decided that I needed an alarm on the house. He arranged everything and made me promise to use it religiously. AND I DID, for a little while, anyway.... Bobby changed the locks on the doors, too. I am still trying to figure out if they are trying to keep me locked in or out!!
The holidays were a drag, but we all survived them. I know I am kidding myself when I say next year will be better - but you also know I will do what I have to do to make sure the "smiles" remain in our home. God Bless our kids, they can find humor in damn near anything - and I welcome it.
The extended family has been amazing. Those loud, crazy, warm Italian cousins stay in constant touch and keep me hopping. I've been to Tampa, Cape May, North Jersey, and Daytona - Salt Lake City is next! They all tell such wonderful stories of you throughout the years. You were the first one from our generation to leave and they are all realizing how precious life is. When you died, we made a vow to see each other more often and not just for weddings and funerals. At least once per visit, someone mentions "your perfect hair"! They are still all so jealous.
Blind Cat has become my best friend. Remember how that cat would never give me the right time of day??? Now, he insists on sleeping smack up against me every night. He would sleep on my chest if I let him. Pepper and Boo have not ventured upstairs since you left. I see them occasionally as I tend to them each morning. Do you hear me cussing as I clean their litter boxes and wash out their bowls??
Brandy is still mourning you. She developed a nervous condition where she would constantly lick her arms. The Vet suggested I put her on Prozac - you KNOW I am not agreeing to that! She wore your long sleeve T-shirts for most of the Winter. I think that helped comfort her a bit, and saved her arms from permanent damage. Louie? Well, you know Louie..... I don't even think he notices you are gone. He always was such an ass!! It is good to come home to these two rascals each day.
The boys decided that I needed to put the car in the garage this Winter. They worked very hard to clear out one side of the garage to accommodate the Jeep. I gave Bobby the tool chests. He and Michael worked together to make sure all the tools were properly divided. They only made one mistake - they did not leave me ANYTHING!!! Now, whenever they have to fix something at the house, they scrounge around the house to find "tool substitutes"! I think they decided to buy a new bunch of stuff to keep at our house. They made me practice backing into the garage over and over - YES, I did it just to placate them - HOWEVER, the very next day, I pulled the car in and have not backed it in ever since!! Michael put up a STOP sign to mark the place I should stop the car. Bobby did not think that was sufficient. He hung a wooden monkey (I am not kidding) that knocks into the windshield each day. The good news? I always stop the car prior to going through a wall!!
It is time to paint the inside of the house. The kids reminded me that my choice of paint color would include 9 different shades of white and as a result, they have decided that I CANNOT change any of the existing colors. Of course, during one of my cleaning rants, I tossed every paint can I could put my hands on and we have no idea what colors you actually chose 5 years ago. We sent Brett to Benjamin Moore for color charts. We are now on the second week of trying to match those one inch squares with the paint on the walls - I am sure you are laughing! I was also informed that I am "not allowed" to have the bedroom painted - Remember, over our headboard, are the words "Just one lifetime won't be enough for us" - and the kids added "and we will torture each other for all of eternity" - No one is ready for that to disappear....
The original lemon tree died ... ok, so maybe I didn't water it as much as I should have - BUT, in my defense, I remember to water the dogs everyday! The little lemon tree yielded 2 lemons!! We promptly made "lemon drop shots" and savored every bit. There is no other fruit on the tree - not sure how long I will have to keep watering this one before I can let it die a natural death.....
I did find a stack of old lottery tickets - and I made Bobby take them to your little store to be checked - Everyone of them was a winner! $2 here, $3 there, etc. I took all the money and played your number (526) everyday for a couple months. Sadly, I didn't win a dime - but I did enjoy checking the results each day.
Hey! What's with the rocks?? I have found rocks in nearly every one of your drawers. There was a little bag in your closet and even that was full of rocks. I keep putting them on the side of the house. Sometimes, I come home from work and find a rock or two in the driveway. Is that you??
I have learned that our marriage was quite special. I almost find it humorous that we did not know that! I know we both worked hard at our marriage everyday - we each made it a priority in our lives. I also know that we not only loved each other, but we were IN love. I miss you everyday, but I am so grateful that you are pain free and at peace. You taught me so much about life, but you never taught me how to live it without you by my side. I am working on that everyday.
I find it adorable that Allison will call/text everyday and ask, "Are you having a good day today?" I am careful to be "up" most days - I know that if I am having a bad moment, it will soon pass and I do not need for her to try to figure out a way to 'make me better'. I am working hard to bring her back to being my daughter and not my emotional caretaker.
Michelle is still trying to get me to dye my hair!! She seems obsessed with getting me to look younger and eat well! I just laugh and do as I please - I know you are not surprised.
Storchevoy Sundays continue to occur - WHEN I AM FREE ON A SUNDAY! I find the kids just like to be together, cooking and laughing. I love that they seem to linger at the table longer, too. Sometimes, they discuss my life, right in front of me, as if I was not there!! It just tickles me to watch them together. We did a good job with these kids - it wasn't ever easy, but it was totally worth the work. They are simply good human beings - who could ask for more than that?
So, my dear, have you noticed how different I am? I am no longer simply "Mike's Wife". I fell apart when you left...but I am slowly putting myself back together again. I am putting the pieces back differently now. I no longer think in terms of "we". In our true fashion, I still go everywhere I am invited and I am truly grateful for the distractions. They say time heals all wounds, so I am working hard to pass the time. I try not to make long range plans for the future anymore, as I now understand that life can change in an instant. I still feel sad at times, but I recall all that we had throughout the years and I have learned to turn that sadness into a thankful prayer.
I am smiling more these days as I recall that you never wanted to see me cry. Yes, life goes on.... but it is a different life.
Love you always.
Tuesday, February 16, 2016
Shared DNA
I have often spoke of my cousins. We really and truly grew up more like siblings. I am so grateful to have them in my life. Even though we are separated by miles, it seems that nothing can come between us.
In the days, weeks and months that followed my saddest days, my cousins all helped pave the way to my new life. It was such a comfort to know they were all just a phone call away, yet, I never had to reach out at all - they all stayed with me... at an arm's length.
Getting through this first year of holidays has been an emotional chore. Trying to balance the need to grieve and the necessity to be strong for my kids has been exhausting. Often, I could not find the strength and the kids had to hold me up. Since then, I have been working overtime to prove to them, and myself, that I will survive. I am strong, I am different. I am!
After Christmas, I decided I needed to break tradition a bit. I took off for 4 days and went to visit cousins in North Jersey. These boys are truly like brothers to me. I am grateful that they live within a mile of each other and it turned out to be a 4 day mini family reunion. We went from house to house - and all the "second generation cousins" (their kids) made appearances the whole time. This was a major step in my growth. It was a true realization that I am alone.... not in a bad way.... I am just alone.
If I want to go away for the weekend. I go. No one to ask, no one to discuss it with. I just go. AND I GO A LOT!!! Perhaps I am running away? Perhaps I am searching for something? Who's to say... this works for me right now. Thankfully, I have cousins near and far - and I can travel as close or as far as I need to be on any given weekend.
Visited Cousins in North Jersey. Visited Cousins in Daytona. Visiting cousins in Utah.
Next on the agenda: cousins in the rest of New Jersey!
Getting through this first year of holidays has been an emotional chore. Trying to balance the need to grieve and the necessity to be strong for my kids has been exhausting. Often, I could not find the strength and the kids had to hold me up. Since then, I have been working overtime to prove to them, and myself, that I will survive. I am strong, I am different. I am!
After Christmas, I decided I needed to break tradition a bit. I took off for 4 days and went to visit cousins in North Jersey. These boys are truly like brothers to me. I am grateful that they live within a mile of each other and it turned out to be a 4 day mini family reunion. We went from house to house - and all the "second generation cousins" (their kids) made appearances the whole time. This was a major step in my growth. It was a true realization that I am alone.... not in a bad way.... I am just alone.
If I want to go away for the weekend. I go. No one to ask, no one to discuss it with. I just go. AND I GO A LOT!!! Perhaps I am running away? Perhaps I am searching for something? Who's to say... this works for me right now. Thankfully, I have cousins near and far - and I can travel as close or as far as I need to be on any given weekend.
Visited Cousins in North Jersey. Visited Cousins in Daytona. Visiting cousins in Utah.
Next on the agenda: cousins in the rest of New Jersey!
Wednesday, February 03, 2016
Time to purge!
In my unending effort to re-invent ME, I have just finished going through my closets. My recent weight loss has rendered more than half the clothes in there useless. In the past, I never would have purged all those clothes, I would have just moved them to a different room!! Not today...
I must have tried on 20 pairs of black dress pants: wide legs, skinny legs, short ones, long ones, loose ones and tight ones - YOU NAME IT, I had it! I tossed them all!! I have not purchased a pair of black dress pants since we are living in this house (nearly 12 years!) Will some of them come back in style? Will any of them fit better another time? Should I hold on to any of them? Not today...
Anything with a stain was tossed - in the past I would have saved those T-shirts and sweatshirts for "when I did dirty work". Not today....
I even went through my underwear and pajamas!! Do I really need 48 pairs of panties? stretched out bras? 10 year old pajamas? Not today...
This allowed me to open Mike's closet.... the boys had taken anything they wanted, anything that they could use. I tossed anything with a stain on it (specifically a coffee stain right in the middle of the chest!). Was I ready to get rid of everything? Not today...
The Veterans are picking up 10 bags of clothes today. Am I sad to see it all go? Not today...
I must have tried on 20 pairs of black dress pants: wide legs, skinny legs, short ones, long ones, loose ones and tight ones - YOU NAME IT, I had it! I tossed them all!! I have not purchased a pair of black dress pants since we are living in this house (nearly 12 years!) Will some of them come back in style? Will any of them fit better another time? Should I hold on to any of them? Not today...
Anything with a stain was tossed - in the past I would have saved those T-shirts and sweatshirts for "when I did dirty work". Not today....
I even went through my underwear and pajamas!! Do I really need 48 pairs of panties? stretched out bras? 10 year old pajamas? Not today...
This allowed me to open Mike's closet.... the boys had taken anything they wanted, anything that they could use. I tossed anything with a stain on it (specifically a coffee stain right in the middle of the chest!). Was I ready to get rid of everything? Not today...
The Veterans are picking up 10 bags of clothes today. Am I sad to see it all go? Not today...
Friday, January 29, 2016
A Mother's gift...
When you have a bunch of kids with partners, there is a good chance you will be celebrating a birthday at least once a month!!
We celebrated Michael's birthday this week. We sat in a HUGE booth in the restaurant and proceeded to eat and laugh for nearly 3 hours. Can you think of a better way to celebrate your special day?
As a mom, my heart just fills with emotion as I watch my kids interact and genuinely have a good time together. The love they have for each other is just so evident. Mr. W and I may not have done everything right in our life - but we sure did a good job of teaching our kids the meaning of family.
When I see them hug and kiss each other 'hello' - engage in unending conversation and laughter - then hug and kiss each other 'good-bye' and say "I love you" - all my troubles melt away. I know, no matter what happens in this life, these kids will stick together.
We celebrated Michael's birthday this week. We sat in a HUGE booth in the restaurant and proceeded to eat and laugh for nearly 3 hours. Can you think of a better way to celebrate your special day?
As a mom, my heart just fills with emotion as I watch my kids interact and genuinely have a good time together. The love they have for each other is just so evident. Mr. W and I may not have done everything right in our life - but we sure did a good job of teaching our kids the meaning of family.
When I see them hug and kiss each other 'hello' - engage in unending conversation and laughter - then hug and kiss each other 'good-bye' and say "I love you" - all my troubles melt away. I know, no matter what happens in this life, these kids will stick together.
Tuesday, January 26, 2016
Smiling with Strangers
Went to a Wine Tasting in the city last night with Michael and Brett. It was a small room with one long table. Twenty-six strangers proceeded to share a meal and taste some wine.
I was so fortunate to be sitting next to a friendly gentleman who immediately introduced himself to me. His wife sat on the other side of him. The conversation eventually revealed that I lost my husband recently and that I had 39 wonderful years with him. Dave worked very hard to be attentive to his wife, Melanie, and to continue to engage me in conversation about my life. I had a rare opportunity to share some warm, happy memories....
I don't remember every aspect of the food we ate or the wine we drank. I do remember that I smiled all evening and I was able to talk about my Mr. Wonderful without being sad at all. At the end of the night, these two strangers hugged and kissed me good-bye and thanked me for restoring their faith in true love...
I was so fortunate to be sitting next to a friendly gentleman who immediately introduced himself to me. His wife sat on the other side of him. The conversation eventually revealed that I lost my husband recently and that I had 39 wonderful years with him. Dave worked very hard to be attentive to his wife, Melanie, and to continue to engage me in conversation about my life. I had a rare opportunity to share some warm, happy memories....
I don't remember every aspect of the food we ate or the wine we drank. I do remember that I smiled all evening and I was able to talk about my Mr. Wonderful without being sad at all. At the end of the night, these two strangers hugged and kissed me good-bye and thanked me for restoring their faith in true love...
Monday, January 18, 2016
The MR Ladies
This past weekend, I was honored to host a group of women who went to high school with me. Since our high school reunion nearly 2 years ago, we have remained in touch through facebook. This was a spontaneous gathering for cocktails, appetizers and desserts. You can't imagine my thrill when everyone responded within an hour that they were coming!
Mr. Wonderful and I ALWAYS entertained - we were good at it! We were the best team!! It was quite bittersweet to pull this off without him - but, somehow, I knew he was looking on and pushing me to do this. This was the first big gathering at the house since he died. My kids kept preaching, "THIS HOUSE IS NOT CLOSED!!" They were a gentle, but guiding force in helping me pull this off. Allison sent a list of suggested appetizers, Michael came over to move furniture and have a long talk with the pups telling them to behave, Bobby did the liquor store run and came over that morning to help with last minute preparations.
And then the ladies arrived! The house "hummed" for hours! There was kissing and hugging and everyone came in with an addition for the 'feast'. The girls gathered in little groups at first - and eventually, we all gathered around the dining room table - the talking and laughter never stopped! They shared stories of high school days, along with events in their lives today. There was NOTHING about the day that I would have changed....
There is something very special about entertaining women. No one has to be served. Everyone was comfortable within 30 seconds. No one left the room to put on the TV! No one was watching the clock trying to come up with a reason to leave. And, best of all, the entire mess was cleaned up before the last guest left!!
"Ladies, thank you all for gathering in my home. Your presence was so healing for my heart. I will be forever grateful for the warmth and love you bestowed on me."
Mr. Wonderful and I ALWAYS entertained - we were good at it! We were the best team!! It was quite bittersweet to pull this off without him - but, somehow, I knew he was looking on and pushing me to do this. This was the first big gathering at the house since he died. My kids kept preaching, "THIS HOUSE IS NOT CLOSED!!" They were a gentle, but guiding force in helping me pull this off. Allison sent a list of suggested appetizers, Michael came over to move furniture and have a long talk with the pups telling them to behave, Bobby did the liquor store run and came over that morning to help with last minute preparations.
And then the ladies arrived! The house "hummed" for hours! There was kissing and hugging and everyone came in with an addition for the 'feast'. The girls gathered in little groups at first - and eventually, we all gathered around the dining room table - the talking and laughter never stopped! They shared stories of high school days, along with events in their lives today. There was NOTHING about the day that I would have changed....
There is something very special about entertaining women. No one has to be served. Everyone was comfortable within 30 seconds. No one left the room to put on the TV! No one was watching the clock trying to come up with a reason to leave. And, best of all, the entire mess was cleaned up before the last guest left!!
"Ladies, thank you all for gathering in my home. Your presence was so healing for my heart. I will be forever grateful for the warmth and love you bestowed on me."
Thursday, December 17, 2015
Storchevoy "Wednesday"?
Allison invited everyone to my house last night for a Christmas Wrapping/Pizza party - we were to do HER wrapping - LOL!! ....and we did - and by "WE" I mean Suse and I. Allie took care of everything. She brought liquid encouragement, appetizers and she provided the pizza later on.
While us girls were busy little elves in the dining room, the boys were very busy in the kitchen preparing appetizers for us. I couldn't help but giggle when I saw Bobby searching for just the right platter to serve up the goodies.
This evening was an early Christmas gift to me. I paid careful attention to their chatter and was just astounded at the things they could find to talk and laugh about!
They critiqued the appetizers:
A date, stuffed with goat cheese and wrapped in bacon: "The ratio of bacon to date was incorrect," "Agreed! There should have been more bacon." "There should have been a more pungent goat cheese in there." "The date was too sweet!"
Hot dog rolled in puff pastry: "These are the best - they roll them in parmesan" "Are you really dunking that in ketchup" "Don't judge me!"
Mozzarella sticks: "Why did they explode? they are flat!" "I did that on purpose in case Allison wanted to make a sandwich with them"
Then they started on the stray cats and the weather:
"Do you believe that little cat still comes around here? He was sleeping on the front steps when I got here and he never moved."
"Dad let that cat sleep in the garage the last 4 Winters! He is wondering why Mom won't let him in there!"
"That's why we are having a mild Winter - Dad figured the cats would never survive a cold winter and mom would never let any of them take refuge in the garage. You know how dad LOVED 'weather' - he ordered a warm front for his cats!"
Is there anything better than witnessing my kids find a silly reason to get together and just enjoy each other's company? To some, this may be a Christmas Miracle - but, not to me. I am blessed to say, this is just my life.
While us girls were busy little elves in the dining room, the boys were very busy in the kitchen preparing appetizers for us. I couldn't help but giggle when I saw Bobby searching for just the right platter to serve up the goodies.
This evening was an early Christmas gift to me. I paid careful attention to their chatter and was just astounded at the things they could find to talk and laugh about!
They critiqued the appetizers:
A date, stuffed with goat cheese and wrapped in bacon: "The ratio of bacon to date was incorrect," "Agreed! There should have been more bacon." "There should have been a more pungent goat cheese in there." "The date was too sweet!"
Hot dog rolled in puff pastry: "These are the best - they roll them in parmesan" "Are you really dunking that in ketchup" "Don't judge me!"
Mozzarella sticks: "Why did they explode? they are flat!" "I did that on purpose in case Allison wanted to make a sandwich with them"
Then they started on the stray cats and the weather:
"Do you believe that little cat still comes around here? He was sleeping on the front steps when I got here and he never moved."
"Dad let that cat sleep in the garage the last 4 Winters! He is wondering why Mom won't let him in there!"
"That's why we are having a mild Winter - Dad figured the cats would never survive a cold winter and mom would never let any of them take refuge in the garage. You know how dad LOVED 'weather' - he ordered a warm front for his cats!"
Is there anything better than witnessing my kids find a silly reason to get together and just enjoy each other's company? To some, this may be a Christmas Miracle - but, not to me. I am blessed to say, this is just my life.
Monday, December 14, 2015
that moment.....
I am sure it is no surprise that it's been a rough couple weeks. The surprise is that it is not because the holidays are upon us.
Out of the blue, a realization came over me..... "no one will ever again love me like he did". I did not call him Mr. Wonderful for nothing! That man adored the ground I walked on. He put me first - EVERY SINGLE DAY. He put me before himself and our kids. In turn, I put him first in my life every waking moment. Next realization, "I will never get to love like that again". I lived over 2/3 of my life thinking this was the norm.....
Sure, I am cranky now - who wouldn't be after such a life change. Not only did I lose my best friend, my partner in life - I lost that one person who thought "I" was wonderful. I am hearing from so many people that what I had was not reality.... WHO SAYS????? It was MY reality!
There seems to be no end to the tears these days. Losing the physical part of Mike was so hard, so sad. But, intellectually, I knew the "physical" Mike had to go, he did not deserve to suffer one more minute. I understand now that I am coming home to an empty house and sleeping in our bed alone. There are no more 'date nights'... no more sitting in front of the fire, holding hands... no more togetherness.
The emotional loss is setting in now. There is no rationalizing this loss.
Tuesday, December 08, 2015
December 3, any year
December 3 was my wedding anniversary - "our anniversary".... So strange for the day to come and go without him by my side.
Some people said, "Think of the happy times" - as if that would ease the pain. There were so many happy times - all that did was make me miss him more.
Some said, "You were lucky to have all those years" - as if luck had anything to do with the longevity of our marriage.
I am a realist and I know that all the time, effort and energy put into making our marriage a good one was worth every bit of the work. There was no luck involved and we earned all those happy times.
December 3 will always be "our anniversary" - but it will never be a "Happy Anniversary" again.
I am a survivor. I will get through this and anything else that is tossed in the path of my life. I always knew I would... I just didn't think I would be doing it alone.
Some people said, "Think of the happy times" - as if that would ease the pain. There were so many happy times - all that did was make me miss him more.
Some said, "You were lucky to have all those years" - as if luck had anything to do with the longevity of our marriage.
I am a realist and I know that all the time, effort and energy put into making our marriage a good one was worth every bit of the work. There was no luck involved and we earned all those happy times.
December 3 will always be "our anniversary" - but it will never be a "Happy Anniversary" again.
I am a survivor. I will get through this and anything else that is tossed in the path of my life. I always knew I would... I just didn't think I would be doing it alone.
Sunday, November 29, 2015
To My Sons
Dear Michael and Bobby,
Everyone knows there is a special bond between mothers and their sons. That being said, I challenge any mother to try to compare their sons to mine. In my eyes, they will all fail in comparison, I assure you.
Just like your father, you are both FAR from perfect - but, to me, you are gifts from God - born of the love between your Dad and I, It's not that I ever took either of you for granted, but lately I have come to realize just what fine men you have become - right before my eyes!
I always thought of myself as a strong, intelligent woman who walked side-by-side with your father. It is certainly true that since I am alone, I have had my ups and downs, It never ceases to amaze me how the two of you seem to be there every time I have stumbled or became temporarily unsure of myself.
I have also witnessed how close the two of you have become. You are no longer the older brother and the baby brother. I have seen you switch roles and depend on each other for different things. I have noticed how you "tag-team" to keep an eye on me. And it cracks me up when the two of you try to determine what is "best for me"!
Whereas everyday is a adventure for me in defining my "new normal", it has been comforting knowing that you two have always 'got my back'.
All that being said.... it is time for me to go back to being the MOM. You have been more than loving and attentive, but it is time for you to put your spouses back as your number one priority. I promise to rely on you and lean on you when I need you. I will continue to discuss all important matters with you both, and listen as you give me your feedback. I promise to relent to your judgement when it comes to your individual matters of expertise. I see you differently now; you are both extraordinary men who just happen to be my sons.
Most importantly, I make this promise to you: I will continue to work on myself to return to that self-assured, independent woman you have known all these years.
Love you always.
Mom
Everyone knows there is a special bond between mothers and their sons. That being said, I challenge any mother to try to compare their sons to mine. In my eyes, they will all fail in comparison, I assure you.
Just like your father, you are both FAR from perfect - but, to me, you are gifts from God - born of the love between your Dad and I, It's not that I ever took either of you for granted, but lately I have come to realize just what fine men you have become - right before my eyes!
I always thought of myself as a strong, intelligent woman who walked side-by-side with your father. It is certainly true that since I am alone, I have had my ups and downs, It never ceases to amaze me how the two of you seem to be there every time I have stumbled or became temporarily unsure of myself.
I have also witnessed how close the two of you have become. You are no longer the older brother and the baby brother. I have seen you switch roles and depend on each other for different things. I have noticed how you "tag-team" to keep an eye on me. And it cracks me up when the two of you try to determine what is "best for me"!
Whereas everyday is a adventure for me in defining my "new normal", it has been comforting knowing that you two have always 'got my back'.
All that being said.... it is time for me to go back to being the MOM. You have been more than loving and attentive, but it is time for you to put your spouses back as your number one priority. I promise to rely on you and lean on you when I need you. I will continue to discuss all important matters with you both, and listen as you give me your feedback. I promise to relent to your judgement when it comes to your individual matters of expertise. I see you differently now; you are both extraordinary men who just happen to be my sons.
Most importantly, I make this promise to you: I will continue to work on myself to return to that self-assured, independent woman you have known all these years.
Love you always.
Mom
Saturday, November 14, 2015
Revelation
I cried because I thought we were going to spend the rest of our lives together ....
Then I smiled because I realized he spent the rest of his life with me.
Then I smiled because I realized he spent the rest of his life with me.
Wednesday, November 11, 2015
Happy (?) Thanksgiving
Dear Mike
It has been nearly 6 months since that fateful day. Do you think it is a coincidence that your 6 month anniversary falls on Thanksgiving this year? I think this is just another example of God's sense of humor. As I am especially grateful every Thanksgiving, I guess I need to decide what I can be grateful for after such an eventful year:
I am thankful that when we met, we fell so deeply in love. We were committed to each other right from the very start. I remember our first fight - I thought you were going to walk away from me. You just laughed at me and said, "We are fighting, silly! We have to fight once in a while so we can make up!" Thank you for teaching me that fighting was an inevitable part of our marriage - as was MAKING UP! This was an important lesson for our kids, too.
I am thankful for us making a pact all those years ago - You just had to take care of me and I would take care of everyone and everything else. You truly held up your end of the bargain. I had no idea what a princess I was until you were no longer here taking care of me. I am strong and confident. I know now that I will be ok without you by my side because you will always be in my heart.
I am thankful that having kids was never an issue with us and we raised 5 of them - and I am grateful that I was able to be a 'stay-at-home-mom' while they were young. We were never flush with funds, but we managed to always make ends meet and give the kids the most wonderful Christmas mornings.
I am thankful that we always put our children first - but never between us. We always remained a united front, no matter what the issue with the kids - whether we agreed with each other or not, the kids could never pit us against each other. WE were a force NOT to be reckoned with!! As adults, they all understand now what a team we were.
I am thankful that our household always contained more than our share of furry friends. Well, to be honest, I am glad the kids grew up learning to live with pups and kittens - I'm not going to lie - it was really a pain in the ass for me most of the time - but it was a wonderful way for our kids to grow up.
I am so thankful for all the little things you did that never went unnoticed by our kids. I am reminded, all the time, of your kind ways as the kids all repeat your actions and talk about you..... I hear them saying "I love you" to each other and their partners. I see them hug and kiss each other - even if they just saw each other yesterday. They retell stories of your silliness over and over. We all laugh from our bellies! They all do imitations of you at the strangest times - and it just warms my heart. They repeat your crazy phrases and make each other giggle.
On this 6 month anniversary of the saddest day of my life, I am thankful that even though my heart is broken, I can feel the healing begin.
Your loving wife.
It has been nearly 6 months since that fateful day. Do you think it is a coincidence that your 6 month anniversary falls on Thanksgiving this year? I think this is just another example of God's sense of humor. As I am especially grateful every Thanksgiving, I guess I need to decide what I can be grateful for after such an eventful year:
I am thankful that when we met, we fell so deeply in love. We were committed to each other right from the very start. I remember our first fight - I thought you were going to walk away from me. You just laughed at me and said, "We are fighting, silly! We have to fight once in a while so we can make up!" Thank you for teaching me that fighting was an inevitable part of our marriage - as was MAKING UP! This was an important lesson for our kids, too.
I am thankful for us making a pact all those years ago - You just had to take care of me and I would take care of everyone and everything else. You truly held up your end of the bargain. I had no idea what a princess I was until you were no longer here taking care of me. I am strong and confident. I know now that I will be ok without you by my side because you will always be in my heart.
I am thankful that having kids was never an issue with us and we raised 5 of them - and I am grateful that I was able to be a 'stay-at-home-mom' while they were young. We were never flush with funds, but we managed to always make ends meet and give the kids the most wonderful Christmas mornings.
I am thankful that we always put our children first - but never between us. We always remained a united front, no matter what the issue with the kids - whether we agreed with each other or not, the kids could never pit us against each other. WE were a force NOT to be reckoned with!! As adults, they all understand now what a team we were.
I am thankful that our household always contained more than our share of furry friends. Well, to be honest, I am glad the kids grew up learning to live with pups and kittens - I'm not going to lie - it was really a pain in the ass for me most of the time - but it was a wonderful way for our kids to grow up.
I am so thankful for all the little things you did that never went unnoticed by our kids. I am reminded, all the time, of your kind ways as the kids all repeat your actions and talk about you..... I hear them saying "I love you" to each other and their partners. I see them hug and kiss each other - even if they just saw each other yesterday. They retell stories of your silliness over and over. We all laugh from our bellies! They all do imitations of you at the strangest times - and it just warms my heart. They repeat your crazy phrases and make each other giggle.
On this 6 month anniversary of the saddest day of my life, I am thankful that even though my heart is broken, I can feel the healing begin.
Your loving wife.
Tuesday, November 03, 2015
Who's the boss
Conversation #1 from Storchevoy Sunday:
Michael: Mom really should look at the Hyundai Genesis
Bobby: She's getting an Audi!
Michael: She doesn't like the Audi anymore. It has too rough of a ride - she wants comfort now. The Genesis will offer her that.
Bobby: Dad would NEVER want Mom to drive a Hyundai
Conversation #2 from Storchevoy Sunday:
Bobby: Mom, what are you doing with the carpet downstairs?
Me: I will have someone come in after the Winter and shampoo it for me.
Michael: Mom, even after you shampoo it, the same thing is gonna happen.
Me: No, it won't - neither of you live here anymore. No one eats or drinks down there. The carpet will stay nice.
Bobby: We are getting rid of that carpet. You are putting in ceramic tile.
ME: WHO DIED AND LEFT THEM TWO BOSS????
Michael: Mom really should look at the Hyundai Genesis
Bobby: She's getting an Audi!
Michael: She doesn't like the Audi anymore. It has too rough of a ride - she wants comfort now. The Genesis will offer her that.
Bobby: Dad would NEVER want Mom to drive a Hyundai
Conversation #2 from Storchevoy Sunday:
Bobby: Mom, what are you doing with the carpet downstairs?
Me: I will have someone come in after the Winter and shampoo it for me.
Michael: Mom, even after you shampoo it, the same thing is gonna happen.
Me: No, it won't - neither of you live here anymore. No one eats or drinks down there. The carpet will stay nice.
Bobby: We are getting rid of that carpet. You are putting in ceramic tile.
ME: WHO DIED AND LEFT THEM TWO BOSS????
Friday, October 30, 2015
Helpful advice to others.....
Things NOT to say to a new widow:
How are you? - How am I??? I lost my partner, my right hand, the left side of my heart! How do you THINK I am?? There is simply no way to answer this question honestly without going into a long diatribe. So, inevitably, I will look you in the eye and say, "I'm fine" - but, please do not think that this is how I REALLY am.
He's in a better place. - Simply put, you will never convince me that there is a better place than right by my side. I know you mean well, but this is not a soothing sentiment.
You are so strong. - No, really, I am not. I am just trying to keep my emotions under control. No one wants to be near a sad, crying woman with a broken heart. I need to keep it together for my children. They lost their father, they need to see that their mother is functioning. They need to grieve with a peaceful heart. I cannot add to their sadness now. I am not strong, I am just a good mom. When I am alone, I am sad and broken - the polar opposite of strong.
This will get better in time. - Really? And how much time do you think I need to set aside for this to happen? Can I set my clock? Put it on my calendar??
Soon, you will be back to normal. - There is no returning to 'normal' for me. I must find a NEW normal. Did you forget that the other half of "us" is now gone?? Every part of the last 39 years will never happen again.
I know how you feel, I lost my father, brother, friend, etc. - Unless you lost your spouse, you will NEVER know how I feel. I know you mean well, but it is just insulting.
Things TO SAY to a new widow:
I was so sorry to hear about your husband - If you haven't seen me since he died, do not hesitate to express your sympathy. You are not reminding me that he died, I will never forget it. It is comforting to have others acknowledge his passing.
Tell me about his last days. - I want you to know how peaceful his passing was. It is healing for me to retell the events over and over. It helps me to make sense of my grief.
Tell me the story of how you met. - I want to reminisce and remember the first time my heart was full. I want to replace the pain in my heart with the joy that was once there, even if it is just for a moment.
I remember...... (tell me something you remember about my husband) - My heart swells with love when you talk to me about a fond memory. It tells me that his life mattered to others, too.
What is the hardest part of the day? - This answer will change daily. This will help me to realize that I am not stuck in one place, that I am trying to adjust to my new life.
What makes you smile these days? This will help me to remember that there are still reasons to smile. A broken heart can still feel joy at times.
Just sayin'.......
How are you? - How am I??? I lost my partner, my right hand, the left side of my heart! How do you THINK I am?? There is simply no way to answer this question honestly without going into a long diatribe. So, inevitably, I will look you in the eye and say, "I'm fine" - but, please do not think that this is how I REALLY am.
He's in a better place. - Simply put, you will never convince me that there is a better place than right by my side. I know you mean well, but this is not a soothing sentiment.
You are so strong. - No, really, I am not. I am just trying to keep my emotions under control. No one wants to be near a sad, crying woman with a broken heart. I need to keep it together for my children. They lost their father, they need to see that their mother is functioning. They need to grieve with a peaceful heart. I cannot add to their sadness now. I am not strong, I am just a good mom. When I am alone, I am sad and broken - the polar opposite of strong.
This will get better in time. - Really? And how much time do you think I need to set aside for this to happen? Can I set my clock? Put it on my calendar??
Soon, you will be back to normal. - There is no returning to 'normal' for me. I must find a NEW normal. Did you forget that the other half of "us" is now gone?? Every part of the last 39 years will never happen again.
I know how you feel, I lost my father, brother, friend, etc. - Unless you lost your spouse, you will NEVER know how I feel. I know you mean well, but it is just insulting.
Things TO SAY to a new widow:
I was so sorry to hear about your husband - If you haven't seen me since he died, do not hesitate to express your sympathy. You are not reminding me that he died, I will never forget it. It is comforting to have others acknowledge his passing.
Tell me about his last days. - I want you to know how peaceful his passing was. It is healing for me to retell the events over and over. It helps me to make sense of my grief.
Tell me the story of how you met. - I want to reminisce and remember the first time my heart was full. I want to replace the pain in my heart with the joy that was once there, even if it is just for a moment.
I remember...... (tell me something you remember about my husband) - My heart swells with love when you talk to me about a fond memory. It tells me that his life mattered to others, too.
What is the hardest part of the day? - This answer will change daily. This will help me to realize that I am not stuck in one place, that I am trying to adjust to my new life.
What makes you smile these days? This will help me to remember that there are still reasons to smile. A broken heart can still feel joy at times.
Just sayin'.......
Wednesday, October 21, 2015
Storchevoy Sundays are back!
Storchevoy Sundays have resumed at my house. Thankfully, the kids hosted it all Summer long (and by 'the kids', I mean Allison and Lisa). However, as the cooler weather crept in, my youngest son boldly said to me, "This house is not closed. We are coming for dinner on Sunday." I guess he told me!
We are now a couple weeks back on track. I find myself excited to cook for the kids once again. I love to cook, and I haven't done so in a while. I rarely 'cook' for myself during the week, but there is always healthy food in the fridge. I am managing NOT to waste away - LOL! By the end of the week, I am planning a menu and on Saturdays I shop for the inevitable feast.
Throughout the years, I have learned that it does not matter what I serve the family as long as we are together. This being said, I do try to make a LOT of whatever I am cooking so they can all take home a meal of leftovers and I have some stuff to nibble on during the week. Last week, I went to 3 different stores and loaded up the Jeep - then I called Michael and asked him to meet me at the house just to carry the groceries in for me as my broken ankle makes the steps such a challenge, still.
Last Sunday, the kids huddled around the kitchen counter for hours, just nibbling, talking and laughing. My heart swelled as I embraced their camaraderie. We all entered the dining room for dinner and the kids cleaned up as I packed up their leftovers. Everything flowed just so smoothly. I realized that we had developed our own "kitchen dance".
Storchevoy Sundays are just a little different now. I cook alone and I sit at the head of the table. But the love that permeates the house is still the same. If you see me counting on my fingers, I am just taking note of all my blessings.
We are now a couple weeks back on track. I find myself excited to cook for the kids once again. I love to cook, and I haven't done so in a while. I rarely 'cook' for myself during the week, but there is always healthy food in the fridge. I am managing NOT to waste away - LOL! By the end of the week, I am planning a menu and on Saturdays I shop for the inevitable feast.
Throughout the years, I have learned that it does not matter what I serve the family as long as we are together. This being said, I do try to make a LOT of whatever I am cooking so they can all take home a meal of leftovers and I have some stuff to nibble on during the week. Last week, I went to 3 different stores and loaded up the Jeep - then I called Michael and asked him to meet me at the house just to carry the groceries in for me as my broken ankle makes the steps such a challenge, still.
Last Sunday, the kids huddled around the kitchen counter for hours, just nibbling, talking and laughing. My heart swelled as I embraced their camaraderie. We all entered the dining room for dinner and the kids cleaned up as I packed up their leftovers. Everything flowed just so smoothly. I realized that we had developed our own "kitchen dance".
Storchevoy Sundays are just a little different now. I cook alone and I sit at the head of the table. But the love that permeates the house is still the same. If you see me counting on my fingers, I am just taking note of all my blessings.
Thursday, October 08, 2015
Fearless
I recently took a trip to Florida. The weather in New York was promising to be anything but sunny, so the timing was perfect. The charts at the airport reported my departing flight to be on time - YAY!!! I am happy to say that we did, indeed, board on time.
The problems started at the runway. There were approximately 4500 planes that had to take off before us (or so it seemed). We sat on that runway for over an hour - I wonder if Jet Blue still considered this an "on time" flight?!?!?
There were lots of 'weather issues' in the surrounding area, all headed for New York. Whereas the eventual take off was uneventful, the ascent to our cruising altitude left much to be desired. There was non-stop bouncing and lots of funny sounds - it seemed to take forever. In the past, an experience like this would always result in me holding on tight and saying my prayers. Not this time... This time was different.
During this rocky climb, I did grasp the seat arms to steady myself, but mostly I just stared out the window. I realized, at that moment, that I was not afraid to face demise. To quote a friend, "death had no hold on me". I had a quiet conversation with God and simply said, "If you are ready for me, so be it as I know Mike will be waiting there to greet me. HOWEVER, perhaps all the rest of the people on this plane are not so ready to go, so please think carefully before making a decision." Imagine that, me giving God advice!!! Frankly, that wasn't the first time I offered a suggestion to the Lord, and I am sure it won't be the last!!
I have decided that I will define myself in my 'new normal' as "fearless". Look out world, I am even stronger than I was before!
The problems started at the runway. There were approximately 4500 planes that had to take off before us (or so it seemed). We sat on that runway for over an hour - I wonder if Jet Blue still considered this an "on time" flight?!?!?
There were lots of 'weather issues' in the surrounding area, all headed for New York. Whereas the eventual take off was uneventful, the ascent to our cruising altitude left much to be desired. There was non-stop bouncing and lots of funny sounds - it seemed to take forever. In the past, an experience like this would always result in me holding on tight and saying my prayers. Not this time... This time was different.
During this rocky climb, I did grasp the seat arms to steady myself, but mostly I just stared out the window. I realized, at that moment, that I was not afraid to face demise. To quote a friend, "death had no hold on me". I had a quiet conversation with God and simply said, "If you are ready for me, so be it as I know Mike will be waiting there to greet me. HOWEVER, perhaps all the rest of the people on this plane are not so ready to go, so please think carefully before making a decision." Imagine that, me giving God advice!!! Frankly, that wasn't the first time I offered a suggestion to the Lord, and I am sure it won't be the last!!
I have decided that I will define myself in my 'new normal' as "fearless". Look out world, I am even stronger than I was before!
Friday, September 04, 2015
SLOW DOWN!
Whereas I do not want to start quantifying my life with the numbers of days I have been a widow, I still find myself staring at the calendar and comparing my life to then and now. I guess it will be a slow transformation to my new life.
I fell a couple weeks ago, in my home. I was simply walking down the steps toward the front door. My foot hit the last step, my ankle violently turned outward, I heard a crack and went flying. The pain was excruciating. I laid on my back writhing in agony, screaming. It was at that precise moment I realized how alone I really was. Sure, my kids all live relatively close. Absolutely, I have wonderful neighbors who will come at a moment's notice. But, I was alone. I am alone.
I did have my phone in my pocket and as soon as I was able to 'get a grip', I called Allison who came flying over, picked me up, and carried me to the car. Dx: Sprained ankle, 2 broken bones in my foot. I'll live. I am 3 weeks into recovery. I am still wearing a God-awful massive boot on my left foot. I am walking with the aid of a cane. I have slowed my pace considerably. Hmm, I wonder if a 'kindly spirit' was trying to get me to slow down all along? I did ignore the other warning: Getting stopped by a State Trooper on the Garden State Pkwy going 88 mph. So who knew my caddy could do that so smoothly that I wouldn't realize? - No ticket, just a 'warning' from a sweet officer named MICHAEL! (Maybe I am not so alone?)
I find I am constantly struggling with the conflict of wanting to be independent from my children and hating the idea of being without Mike day to day. I am not lonely.... I just miss him terribly. I guess this is the part that time is supposed to 'heal'.
Like my foot, my heart still needs to be cradled. I will get there.... baby steps...
I fell a couple weeks ago, in my home. I was simply walking down the steps toward the front door. My foot hit the last step, my ankle violently turned outward, I heard a crack and went flying. The pain was excruciating. I laid on my back writhing in agony, screaming. It was at that precise moment I realized how alone I really was. Sure, my kids all live relatively close. Absolutely, I have wonderful neighbors who will come at a moment's notice. But, I was alone. I am alone.
I did have my phone in my pocket and as soon as I was able to 'get a grip', I called Allison who came flying over, picked me up, and carried me to the car. Dx: Sprained ankle, 2 broken bones in my foot. I'll live. I am 3 weeks into recovery. I am still wearing a God-awful massive boot on my left foot. I am walking with the aid of a cane. I have slowed my pace considerably. Hmm, I wonder if a 'kindly spirit' was trying to get me to slow down all along? I did ignore the other warning: Getting stopped by a State Trooper on the Garden State Pkwy going 88 mph. So who knew my caddy could do that so smoothly that I wouldn't realize? - No ticket, just a 'warning' from a sweet officer named MICHAEL! (Maybe I am not so alone?)
I find I am constantly struggling with the conflict of wanting to be independent from my children and hating the idea of being without Mike day to day. I am not lonely.... I just miss him terribly. I guess this is the part that time is supposed to 'heal'.
Like my foot, my heart still needs to be cradled. I will get there.... baby steps...
Friday, August 07, 2015
Celebrating a Life
August 5 is Mike's birthday. I chose this date to spread his ashes as it was the only day of the year that he did not mind being the center of attention.
I was planning the day for weeks. I did not want it to be a day of mourning, as we mourned his death when he died. I truly wanted this to be a day of love and celebration of all that he was to us.
We all met at the beach, Our beach. The beach that he and I sat on oh so many times. We would go there on the weekends in early mornings and just enjoy the sun and the sound of the waves. Sometimes, we would just sit there, holding hands and stare at the water. We would go there in the evenings with a picnic dinner and enjoy the serenity long after the crowds left. When it was too cold to get out of the car, Mike would find a place to park so we could still see the water when we ate our dinner. This is where we planned our final resting place.
We all walked down towards the water together. We stopped at one point and everyone dropped their shoes. We huddled in a circle and the kids took turns reading from a letter that my dear friend wrote as a tribute to Mike - the way she saw his life. She recalled simple stories of the past 20 years, including all the kids..... such a gift.
Then we all walked to the water's edge. It was a perfect night. A slight breeze, blowing towards the water and a sunny sky with scattered clouds. One by one, the kids took handfuls of his ashes and walked further into the water. Each taking a few moments to speak to their Dad, their Pop, their confidant, their friend. I took the remaining ashes and walked a distance and had my conversation as I let his remains gently scatter.
The boys carefully tucked a car magazine into a bottle and sent it out, "Dad will need something to read..."
I sent out a yellow rose - the first flower he ever gave me, our special flower.
I said some closing words to the kids. I reminded them to cherish his memory and let it live on., to be happy for tomorrow because of all the yesterdays. I told them that Dad wants them to smile, open their eyes, love and go on.
Then, we did what we do best. We gathered at our favorite restaurant and had a birthday party! We toasted the guest of honor, shed a couple tears and shared a lot of laughs. I am sure my Mr. Wonderful was smiling and happy to be the center of attention - just this once.
I was planning the day for weeks. I did not want it to be a day of mourning, as we mourned his death when he died. I truly wanted this to be a day of love and celebration of all that he was to us.
We all met at the beach, Our beach. The beach that he and I sat on oh so many times. We would go there on the weekends in early mornings and just enjoy the sun and the sound of the waves. Sometimes, we would just sit there, holding hands and stare at the water. We would go there in the evenings with a picnic dinner and enjoy the serenity long after the crowds left. When it was too cold to get out of the car, Mike would find a place to park so we could still see the water when we ate our dinner. This is where we planned our final resting place.
We all walked down towards the water together. We stopped at one point and everyone dropped their shoes. We huddled in a circle and the kids took turns reading from a letter that my dear friend wrote as a tribute to Mike - the way she saw his life. She recalled simple stories of the past 20 years, including all the kids..... such a gift.
Then we all walked to the water's edge. It was a perfect night. A slight breeze, blowing towards the water and a sunny sky with scattered clouds. One by one, the kids took handfuls of his ashes and walked further into the water. Each taking a few moments to speak to their Dad, their Pop, their confidant, their friend. I took the remaining ashes and walked a distance and had my conversation as I let his remains gently scatter.
The boys carefully tucked a car magazine into a bottle and sent it out, "Dad will need something to read..."
I sent out a yellow rose - the first flower he ever gave me, our special flower.
I said some closing words to the kids. I reminded them to cherish his memory and let it live on., to be happy for tomorrow because of all the yesterdays. I told them that Dad wants them to smile, open their eyes, love and go on.
Then, we did what we do best. We gathered at our favorite restaurant and had a birthday party! We toasted the guest of honor, shed a couple tears and shared a lot of laughs. I am sure my Mr. Wonderful was smiling and happy to be the center of attention - just this once.
Wednesday, July 08, 2015
one hurdle at a time
In my desperate attempt to get through each day with my usual optimistic demeanor, I find that the simplest of actions can reduce me to tears. I am learning that it is okay to cry. My cousin told me that I have to hurt, so I can heal.
Storchevoy Sundays have come and gone. They started off a little quieter than usual, but the volume is starting to pick up. I sit in Mike's chair at the head of the table now. I could not leave an empty chair, and no one else would dare sit there. It was awkward at first, but it seems ok now.
Allison and I cooked for hours for the 4th of July. It was our first cooking marathon in a long while and it was totally therapeutic. God Bless Lisa who followed us around the kitchen and cleaned up after us all day long. The party came off without a hitch and the food was fabulous - we all missed Mike, and eventually, the day passed.
This weekend, I will go to my cousin's son's wedding. I am looking forward to seeing the entire extended family. I will be surrounded by people all weekend, yet I will be alone. Mike and I booked this hotel a year ago.... "A weekend get-away with the bonus of a wedding". As was our usual practice, we went everywhere we were invited, no questions asked. The thought never occurred to me to cancel these plans. Life goes on.... this wedding will happen with or without me, but I was invited, and I will be there. Mike will be missed.... and the day will pass.
Healing is long process. One day at a time is all I can manage.
Storchevoy Sundays have come and gone. They started off a little quieter than usual, but the volume is starting to pick up. I sit in Mike's chair at the head of the table now. I could not leave an empty chair, and no one else would dare sit there. It was awkward at first, but it seems ok now.
Allison and I cooked for hours for the 4th of July. It was our first cooking marathon in a long while and it was totally therapeutic. God Bless Lisa who followed us around the kitchen and cleaned up after us all day long. The party came off without a hitch and the food was fabulous - we all missed Mike, and eventually, the day passed.
This weekend, I will go to my cousin's son's wedding. I am looking forward to seeing the entire extended family. I will be surrounded by people all weekend, yet I will be alone. Mike and I booked this hotel a year ago.... "A weekend get-away with the bonus of a wedding". As was our usual practice, we went everywhere we were invited, no questions asked. The thought never occurred to me to cancel these plans. Life goes on.... this wedding will happen with or without me, but I was invited, and I will be there. Mike will be missed.... and the day will pass.
Healing is long process. One day at a time is all I can manage.
Tuesday, June 23, 2015
a letter to Mr. W.
Dear Mike
It's been nearly a month since you've gone. I can't seem to wrap my head around the fact that you are not here. My brain wants to understand, but my heart just can't.
I wake each morning and stare at your pillow. The mornings are so quiet. Sure, the dogs are anxious to go out, but even their demeanor has changed. They just wait patiently for me to shower, knowing I will tend to them soon enough. Each day, when I leave for work, I say out loud, "I'll be careful", as those were always the last words you said to me each morning.
Inevitably, a song will come on the radio that reminds me of "us". I cry a lot in the car. I talk out loud to you in the car. Do you hear me? I know you are there, critiquing my driving, as always. I find myself watching the gauge on my gas tank now - that was also your job....
As I leave my office each day, I stare down at my phone, as I always called you before I even reached my car. The ride home is always so quiet.... My eyes fill with tears as I pull into the driveway each afternoon....still not believing that you are not in the house waiting for me.
We always talked about how amazing our kids were, but I hope you are seeing them now. Michael and Bobby call me twice a day! They are in and out of the house taking care of things that only you would remember to do. They are working so hard to ease my pain and loneliness. I can see so much of you in both of them. You taught them well. I hear from Allison everyday - no matter where she is in the world! Michelle is always so strong for me; and you know that is not easy for her. I hope you are proud of our kids... I know I am.
Friends and neighbors have been so thoughtful. They all check up on me, without being intrusive. Everyone wants to make sure I am eating okay - it is so sweet. I hear from all the cousins - every day a different one sends a text or calls. I hope you can see now what an impact you had on so many people.
People try to say the 'right' things to me. They remind me that you fought so hard and that you are no longer in pain. I guess that should comfort me.... My least favorite sentiment is, "Mike is in a better place now." I will never believe there is a better place than right by my side.
In the evenings, the silence in the house can be deafening at times... to fill the time, I "rewind the tape and replay the memories" we've made throughout the years. That makes me smile and cry. We had a good life filled with blessings.
They say time heals all wounds. They never say how much time ....
Love you always.
It's been nearly a month since you've gone. I can't seem to wrap my head around the fact that you are not here. My brain wants to understand, but my heart just can't.
I wake each morning and stare at your pillow. The mornings are so quiet. Sure, the dogs are anxious to go out, but even their demeanor has changed. They just wait patiently for me to shower, knowing I will tend to them soon enough. Each day, when I leave for work, I say out loud, "I'll be careful", as those were always the last words you said to me each morning.
Inevitably, a song will come on the radio that reminds me of "us". I cry a lot in the car. I talk out loud to you in the car. Do you hear me? I know you are there, critiquing my driving, as always. I find myself watching the gauge on my gas tank now - that was also your job....
As I leave my office each day, I stare down at my phone, as I always called you before I even reached my car. The ride home is always so quiet.... My eyes fill with tears as I pull into the driveway each afternoon....still not believing that you are not in the house waiting for me.
We always talked about how amazing our kids were, but I hope you are seeing them now. Michael and Bobby call me twice a day! They are in and out of the house taking care of things that only you would remember to do. They are working so hard to ease my pain and loneliness. I can see so much of you in both of them. You taught them well. I hear from Allison everyday - no matter where she is in the world! Michelle is always so strong for me; and you know that is not easy for her. I hope you are proud of our kids... I know I am.
Friends and neighbors have been so thoughtful. They all check up on me, without being intrusive. Everyone wants to make sure I am eating okay - it is so sweet. I hear from all the cousins - every day a different one sends a text or calls. I hope you can see now what an impact you had on so many people.
People try to say the 'right' things to me. They remind me that you fought so hard and that you are no longer in pain. I guess that should comfort me.... My least favorite sentiment is, "Mike is in a better place now." I will never believe there is a better place than right by my side.
In the evenings, the silence in the house can be deafening at times... to fill the time, I "rewind the tape and replay the memories" we've made throughout the years. That makes me smile and cry. We had a good life filled with blessings.
They say time heals all wounds. They never say how much time ....
Love you always.
Monday, June 15, 2015
Resting in Peace
It's been three weeks, but it is all still so surreal to me....
It was just before Memorial Day weekend. Mike was getting a little worse each day. On Wednesday night, he was struggling to swallow pills to kill his pain. He finally agreed to let me call Hospice in the morning. Hospice arrived on Thursday and hooked him up to a pain pump that evening.
He slept comfortably Thursday night and Friday was uneventful. The kids were at the house all weekend. I knew they would find comfort being there and with eachother. Allison's friend was so thoughtful as to have food delivered all weekend for us.
The kids took turns sitting on the bed talking to Mike. He had alone time with each of them and we had a lot of together time in the room, also. He alternated between sleep and awake. His pain was under control. We each made a special memory with him, I am sure.
On Monday morning, I exited my bathroom just to see his smiling face and hear him say, "Good morning, beautiful". While I was showering, he got out of bed and got dressed. He called me to him and gave me the best hug. I asked him why he was dressed and he said, "Oh, I'm going." I said, "Going where?" "Going to sleep." he replied.
The kids arrived on Monday. They were so happy to see him all dressed. He even insisted on walking into the livingroom to be with them all. He put his hands on my shoulders and walked behind me. We walked passed the hallway mirror and I stopped to do a cha-cha step, him laughing all the way! He announced to the kids, "Dead man walking!" When he finally sat in the chair, he dropped his head to the side as if to "fake his death." A sense of humor, right to the end, what a gift for us all! Towards the end of the evening he said to me in a semi-whisper, "Why are they all still here?!?" At one point, he drew me close and held me tight and said, "Come with me?" I told him I still had so much to do here, but it was ok with me if he went first and saved a place for me.
He was pretty restless Monday night and Tuesday morning. He was not really conscious at all by Tuesday afternoon. The kids all came and I sent them home. I just laid next to him, holding his hand and stroking his hair. I talked to him for hours. I reassured him that it was okay for him to go. I reminded him that we raised great kids who would always make us proud. I told him to please keep his promise to watch over me and I promised to never stop looking for the signs that he was with me. He quietly slipped away....
My quiet, unassuming, humble husband was honored by over 300 people at the wake/funeral. What a testament to the man he was.....
It was just before Memorial Day weekend. Mike was getting a little worse each day. On Wednesday night, he was struggling to swallow pills to kill his pain. He finally agreed to let me call Hospice in the morning. Hospice arrived on Thursday and hooked him up to a pain pump that evening.
He slept comfortably Thursday night and Friday was uneventful. The kids were at the house all weekend. I knew they would find comfort being there and with eachother. Allison's friend was so thoughtful as to have food delivered all weekend for us.
The kids took turns sitting on the bed talking to Mike. He had alone time with each of them and we had a lot of together time in the room, also. He alternated between sleep and awake. His pain was under control. We each made a special memory with him, I am sure.
On Monday morning, I exited my bathroom just to see his smiling face and hear him say, "Good morning, beautiful". While I was showering, he got out of bed and got dressed. He called me to him and gave me the best hug. I asked him why he was dressed and he said, "Oh, I'm going." I said, "Going where?" "Going to sleep." he replied.
The kids arrived on Monday. They were so happy to see him all dressed. He even insisted on walking into the livingroom to be with them all. He put his hands on my shoulders and walked behind me. We walked passed the hallway mirror and I stopped to do a cha-cha step, him laughing all the way! He announced to the kids, "Dead man walking!" When he finally sat in the chair, he dropped his head to the side as if to "fake his death." A sense of humor, right to the end, what a gift for us all! Towards the end of the evening he said to me in a semi-whisper, "Why are they all still here?!?" At one point, he drew me close and held me tight and said, "Come with me?" I told him I still had so much to do here, but it was ok with me if he went first and saved a place for me.
He was pretty restless Monday night and Tuesday morning. He was not really conscious at all by Tuesday afternoon. The kids all came and I sent them home. I just laid next to him, holding his hand and stroking his hair. I talked to him for hours. I reassured him that it was okay for him to go. I reminded him that we raised great kids who would always make us proud. I told him to please keep his promise to watch over me and I promised to never stop looking for the signs that he was with me. He quietly slipped away....
My quiet, unassuming, humble husband was honored by over 300 people at the wake/funeral. What a testament to the man he was.....
Friday, May 15, 2015
Giving it his best shot
We saw the oncologist this week. He recommends that we pay attention to Mr. W's quality of life right now. Making him comfortable should be our top priority.
The chemo is no longer working and his cancer is spreading fast. Swallowing has become quite a chore these days. Anyone else would have just given up by now, but my guy is a fighter. Whereas he eats very little, he makes a valiant attempt each day and I just cook things for him a little longer and a little soupier.
He seems to have trouble getting enough oxygen into his system, so he uses the supplementary oxygen throughout the day.
When he is having a good day. I come home to find him dressed and dutifully coiffed with his perfect hair. When it is not such a good day, I just lay beside him and we pass the time together.
I had a talk with God the other day. I suggested we do things MY way as clearly, His way was not working for me. My cousin reminded me that God does not negotiate. It was worth a shot, anyway.
Each day, no matter how he feels, he still smiles at me and says, "Good morning, Beautiful". I am blessed to have this man love me so much that he refuses to leave me without a fight.
The chemo is no longer working and his cancer is spreading fast. Swallowing has become quite a chore these days. Anyone else would have just given up by now, but my guy is a fighter. Whereas he eats very little, he makes a valiant attempt each day and I just cook things for him a little longer and a little soupier.
He seems to have trouble getting enough oxygen into his system, so he uses the supplementary oxygen throughout the day.
When he is having a good day. I come home to find him dressed and dutifully coiffed with his perfect hair. When it is not such a good day, I just lay beside him and we pass the time together.
I had a talk with God the other day. I suggested we do things MY way as clearly, His way was not working for me. My cousin reminded me that God does not negotiate. It was worth a shot, anyway.
Each day, no matter how he feels, he still smiles at me and says, "Good morning, Beautiful". I am blessed to have this man love me so much that he refuses to leave me without a fight.
Tuesday, April 14, 2015
Notes from 4/14/15
Mr. W: "When I'm gone, I am going to watch over you to make sure you are aware of everything around you."
(He has always complained that I go through life with my head in the clouds and I don't take in all that is beautiful in nature. I am better now, but he still reminds me to open my eyes)
Me: "Are you going to watch over me while I'm driving, too???"
Mr. W: "ESPECIALLY when you are driving!!!"
Me: (under my breath, "JACKASS!") "Are you gonna continue to complain about my driving even after you are gone???"
Mr. W: (BIG SMILE)
......
(He has always complained that I go through life with my head in the clouds and I don't take in all that is beautiful in nature. I am better now, but he still reminds me to open my eyes)
Me: "Are you going to watch over me while I'm driving, too???"
Mr. W: "ESPECIALLY when you are driving!!!"
Me: (under my breath, "JACKASS!") "Are you gonna continue to complain about my driving even after you are gone???"
Mr. W: (BIG SMILE)
......
Tuesday, April 07, 2015
Notes from 4/7/15
Conversation from this morning:
Mr. W: I love you so much, please don't give up on me because I am not giving up.
Me: I'll never give up....
Mr. W: I love you so much, please don't give up on me because I am not giving up.
Me: I'll never give up....
Wednesday, April 01, 2015
"I'm up"
Each evening, at precisely 7:30 pm, my phone makes the sound of angelic harps and a message comes up, "Good Night, Ally and Ava". This has been going on for nearly 8 years already. Last night, Mr. W. said to me, "Why is that still happening? Why don't you just text them each night and say 'good night'?"
I explained to him that this was a 'gift to me'. At that moment, each night, I think about my granddaughters and send them lots of love. I will ALWAYS love the sound of that sweet alarm and the warm feeling in my heart for my girls.
He then said, "What time will the alarm go off for me each day?" - After careful deliberation, I said, "At noon! You text me everyday around noon to say, "I'm up!""
He smiled and was quiet for a while - then he said, "HEY! Aren't you gonna say good night to me??"
I guess my phone will go off twice a day for him.....
I explained to him that this was a 'gift to me'. At that moment, each night, I think about my granddaughters and send them lots of love. I will ALWAYS love the sound of that sweet alarm and the warm feeling in my heart for my girls.
He then said, "What time will the alarm go off for me each day?" - After careful deliberation, I said, "At noon! You text me everyday around noon to say, "I'm up!""
He smiled and was quiet for a while - then he said, "HEY! Aren't you gonna say good night to me??"
I guess my phone will go off twice a day for him.....
Wednesday, March 18, 2015
Trying to buy some time
Mr. Wonderful has been enduring a regimen of "extreme chemo" for 7 weeks now. We trek into the city every Monday for blood work, visit with the oncologist and then a chemo infusion. Praise God for my children, as we never make this trip unescorted by either Allison or Bobby.
The reason he started this chemo was to make himself eligible for a clinical trial. After 6 weeks, they did a scan to see how things were progressing. The good news: some of the tumors have decreased slightly. The bad news: he is no longer eligible for the clinical trial drug as there has been no forward progression of the disease since he has been on chemo.
This has been a bittersweet time for all of us. I spoke with the oncologist at length. He said, "this will work for a little while, until it doesn't work anymore. Then he will be eligible to try the new "non-chemo" drug". Whereas I wanted to rejoice that something was working, the doctor brought me back to the sad reality that this is just a Band-Aid on a gushing artery.
I am angry that the medical field has put us in a position where Mike's quality of life was not considered at all. I am totally supportive of the work they are trying to do to combat this ugly disease, but at what cost to MY HUSBAND??? He never would have agreed to the chemo if he was not promised the opportunity to try the new wonder drug.
Our life is different now. We were always intertwined, and now we are wrestling with the effects of the poison they are pumping through his veins along with the deadly beast that is trying to claim his life. We start and end each day with me injecting him (twice a day) in his stomach, with a blood thinner to ward off the possibility of a fatal blood clot. We count his calories each day to combat his inevitable weight loss and ensuing fatigue. This is the toughest war we were ever in, and one we both know we will lose.
It's funny how things that were important enough to discuss a year ago never even come up anymore. There are no more conversations about vacations. There is no discussion about what car to get when my lease runs out. We never talk about whether or not we should replace the deck in the back of the house now. Some days, the biggest decision we make is whether or not to have ice cream for dinner.
I guess this rant is just my private 'pity-party' right now. Mike is not ready to give up the fight. I am not ready to watch him succumb to this beast.
The reason he started this chemo was to make himself eligible for a clinical trial. After 6 weeks, they did a scan to see how things were progressing. The good news: some of the tumors have decreased slightly. The bad news: he is no longer eligible for the clinical trial drug as there has been no forward progression of the disease since he has been on chemo.
This has been a bittersweet time for all of us. I spoke with the oncologist at length. He said, "this will work for a little while, until it doesn't work anymore. Then he will be eligible to try the new "non-chemo" drug". Whereas I wanted to rejoice that something was working, the doctor brought me back to the sad reality that this is just a Band-Aid on a gushing artery.
I am angry that the medical field has put us in a position where Mike's quality of life was not considered at all. I am totally supportive of the work they are trying to do to combat this ugly disease, but at what cost to MY HUSBAND??? He never would have agreed to the chemo if he was not promised the opportunity to try the new wonder drug.
Our life is different now. We were always intertwined, and now we are wrestling with the effects of the poison they are pumping through his veins along with the deadly beast that is trying to claim his life. We start and end each day with me injecting him (twice a day) in his stomach, with a blood thinner to ward off the possibility of a fatal blood clot. We count his calories each day to combat his inevitable weight loss and ensuing fatigue. This is the toughest war we were ever in, and one we both know we will lose.
It's funny how things that were important enough to discuss a year ago never even come up anymore. There are no more conversations about vacations. There is no discussion about what car to get when my lease runs out. We never talk about whether or not we should replace the deck in the back of the house now. Some days, the biggest decision we make is whether or not to have ice cream for dinner.
I guess this rant is just my private 'pity-party' right now. Mike is not ready to give up the fight. I am not ready to watch him succumb to this beast.
Friday, February 27, 2015
Rest in peace, Janet
Janet had been fighting cancer for a couple years. Last year, Mr. Wonderful and I went to Zach's engagement party. Janet and Mr. W. were discussing their cancer treatments as he had just finished his radiation. Janet looked good and she was convinced she was going to beat this deadly beast.
When I told Mr. W of Janet's passing, his lip quivered and his eyes filled with tears, but he was silent. All my kids went to the wake. I arrived with Bobby and Suse in the evening, on Bobby's arm. There was just such a sense of doom as he escorted me into the funeral home.... I know we both felt it.
As we were offering our condolences, everyone was so kind as to ask how Mike was doing, with sadness in their eyes. Such a somber time for all of us.
When I got home, Mike was in bed, but awake, waiting for me to join him. As I turned off the lights, he reached for my hand and began asking about Janet and her last days. I'm so glad it was dark in the room.....
Tuesday, February 24, 2015
Winter Camp!
Allison and Lisa rented a 7 bedroom house in Southampton for an extended weekend for all of us. They thought it would be good for us to all get away together for a few days. The weather was frightful, but it was just an hour's drive and we were all up for it.
Let me preface this by saying, Allison and I made enough food to feed ALL of the Hamptons!! We ate and drank for days. Needless to say, my freezer now has enough meals to feed us for a month of Storchevoy Sundays!
Everyone arrived, chose bedrooms, put on PJ's and slippers and we huddled together. There was a huge fireplace in the living room that kept us all warm on the outside - and enough champagne, wine, etc. to keep us warm on the inside!
Allison thought of everything to make the days/night flow:
She bought us all "Spirit" T- Shirts:
We played games:
We did projects:
Let me preface this by saying, Allison and I made enough food to feed ALL of the Hamptons!! We ate and drank for days. Needless to say, my freezer now has enough meals to feed us for a month of Storchevoy Sundays!
Everyone arrived, chose bedrooms, put on PJ's and slippers and we huddled together. There was a huge fireplace in the living room that kept us all warm on the outside - and enough champagne, wine, etc. to keep us warm on the inside!
Allison thought of everything to make the days/night flow:
She bought us all "Spirit" T- Shirts:
We played games:
That would be: Balloon Art, Shrinky-dinks, Origami, etc.
Allison supplied us each with a "Forever Lazy" and we hand painted and decorated them:
Mostly, we just loved each other and made some wonderful memories.
We may not be the most perfect family out there - but we are, by far, the most FUN family.
They say a picture is worth a thousand words. My heart just fills with pride when I look at these pictures. Mr. Wonderful and I must have done something right to be blessed with our kids.
Wednesday, January 14, 2015
Another Birthday, a gift realized....
And we celebrated my birthday as only this family can - with grandeur and finesse! I had 2 parties - back-to-back weekends! First party was at Michelle's and the following weekend we gathered at Bobby and Suse's house and ate and drank like royalty for hours.
It warms my heart to see how much pleasure the kids get from entertaining. I am so grateful that we gave them this gift! We have always been the "family hub". Everyone always gathered at our house for holidays and birthdays. All the kids took this as a "norm" and are now excellent, stress-free hosts.
Knowing that my Mr. Wonderful is so sick, each of these gatherings is extra special. I see how the kids each 'take a turn' sitting and visiting with him one on one. We linger at the table longer than we ever have - just to be close together.
Whereas I will never come to terms with losing my love, I have finally come to realize that these last months are a gift from God. Mike has had several major surgeries and God could have called him home at any time. I shudder to think of that devastation. Instead, God in His mercy, has given us a warning.... He has given us time to really live and make wonderful memories these next few months.
God has given my children an opportunity to talk to their Dad and tell him things that have been sitting in their hearts forever. They are all realizing how precious life is and how inconsequential all the trivial nonsense is in their lives. I know Mike is savoring each day.... each visit with the kids and our granddaughters is a gift to him and a memory for them.
I have learned to slow down and just BE. When I return home from work, I know there is nothing more important than just sitting with Mike. We watch TV and we are warmed by the fire, We talk about nonsense, because just hearing his voice is all that matters to me right now. I stopped making 'nutritionally complete' meals and make him anything at all his heart desires.
I pray for strength. I pray for a peaceful heart. Most of all, I pray for God's continuing mercy.
It warms my heart to see how much pleasure the kids get from entertaining. I am so grateful that we gave them this gift! We have always been the "family hub". Everyone always gathered at our house for holidays and birthdays. All the kids took this as a "norm" and are now excellent, stress-free hosts.
Knowing that my Mr. Wonderful is so sick, each of these gatherings is extra special. I see how the kids each 'take a turn' sitting and visiting with him one on one. We linger at the table longer than we ever have - just to be close together.
Whereas I will never come to terms with losing my love, I have finally come to realize that these last months are a gift from God. Mike has had several major surgeries and God could have called him home at any time. I shudder to think of that devastation. Instead, God in His mercy, has given us a warning.... He has given us time to really live and make wonderful memories these next few months.
God has given my children an opportunity to talk to their Dad and tell him things that have been sitting in their hearts forever. They are all realizing how precious life is and how inconsequential all the trivial nonsense is in their lives. I know Mike is savoring each day.... each visit with the kids and our granddaughters is a gift to him and a memory for them.
I have learned to slow down and just BE. When I return home from work, I know there is nothing more important than just sitting with Mike. We watch TV and we are warmed by the fire, We talk about nonsense, because just hearing his voice is all that matters to me right now. I stopped making 'nutritionally complete' meals and make him anything at all his heart desires.
I pray for strength. I pray for a peaceful heart. Most of all, I pray for God's continuing mercy.
Thursday, December 18, 2014
"Save the Last Dance for Me"
There is no easy way to say this... Mike's cancer has spread. It is now in his lung and the lymph nodes in his neck. The doctors say it is in his blood stream and it will start popping up all over. The oncologist, though very thorough, was extremely blunt.... I guess he wanted to prepare us for what's ahead.
Tell me, how do I prepare to watch half of me wither away? How do I prepare my children to lose their father? Can I prepare my granddaughters to say good-bye? Is it really only going to be 10 more months? Can he beat the odds?
Mike and I have been together since I am 19 years old. I am not sure when I decided he was to be called Mr. Wonderful, but I am certain it was only after many years!! Like many long time married couples, we have had our ups and downs, but more importantly, we have always held on to the commitment to love each other forever.
After so many years, our lives have become a sort of dance. I wake early each day to go to work and he wakes up just enough to say, "Good morning, Beautiful. Please be careful". I feed and walk the dogs before I leave. When he wakes, he takes care of the cats. I handle the cooking and finances, he takes care of the house and the cars. WE go food shopping. WE do laundry. WE clean the house. WE run errands. WE entertain. WE visit the kids. We talk on the phone several times a day, always have.... and we end EVERY phone conversation with "I love you" - even if we are upset.
He holds doors for me. He makes sure I have a full water bottle on my night table each night. He holds my hand all the time - He holds it extra tight when we cross a street. He will never eat the last of anything, always leaving it just in case I want it. He never gets himself a snack or a drink without asking if I want something, too. In our entire marriage, he always insisted I drive the "better" car...
When Winter comes, he has candles lit and wood stacked in the fireplace, ready to be lit when I get home each day. He will always get up early and clean my car should it have snowed in the middle of the night. He will let a couple stray cats sleep in our garage when it is extra cold out - always supplying them with a good meal and a clean litterbox.
In the Spring, he patiently waits for me to pick out any flowers I want for the front of the house and carefully prepares the soil for me to do the planting. He does all the trimming, watering and weeding - and still gives me all the credit when everything blooms and looks so beautiful.
He loves having the kids visit, but he hates being the center of attention. He is just happy knowing they are in the house. I love that he hugs and kisses our sons just as much as he does our daughters. He has always been a perfect gentleman in front of our kids. Our boys have learned to be good husbands and our girls know they deserve to be treated with respect. He is the most humble man I have ever known....
He has never put me on a pedestal, but he has ALWAYS held me in the highest regard. Even now, with this saddest situation before us, he claims his biggest fear is leaving me alone.....
Each night I pray for God's mercy......
Tell me, how do I prepare to watch half of me wither away? How do I prepare my children to lose their father? Can I prepare my granddaughters to say good-bye? Is it really only going to be 10 more months? Can he beat the odds?
Mike and I have been together since I am 19 years old. I am not sure when I decided he was to be called Mr. Wonderful, but I am certain it was only after many years!! Like many long time married couples, we have had our ups and downs, but more importantly, we have always held on to the commitment to love each other forever.After so many years, our lives have become a sort of dance. I wake early each day to go to work and he wakes up just enough to say, "Good morning, Beautiful. Please be careful". I feed and walk the dogs before I leave. When he wakes, he takes care of the cats. I handle the cooking and finances, he takes care of the house and the cars. WE go food shopping. WE do laundry. WE clean the house. WE run errands. WE entertain. WE visit the kids. We talk on the phone several times a day, always have.... and we end EVERY phone conversation with "I love you" - even if we are upset.
He holds doors for me. He makes sure I have a full water bottle on my night table each night. He holds my hand all the time - He holds it extra tight when we cross a street. He will never eat the last of anything, always leaving it just in case I want it. He never gets himself a snack or a drink without asking if I want something, too. In our entire marriage, he always insisted I drive the "better" car...
When Winter comes, he has candles lit and wood stacked in the fireplace, ready to be lit when I get home each day. He will always get up early and clean my car should it have snowed in the middle of the night. He will let a couple stray cats sleep in our garage when it is extra cold out - always supplying them with a good meal and a clean litterbox.In the Spring, he patiently waits for me to pick out any flowers I want for the front of the house and carefully prepares the soil for me to do the planting. He does all the trimming, watering and weeding - and still gives me all the credit when everything blooms and looks so beautiful.
He loves having the kids visit, but he hates being the center of attention. He is just happy knowing they are in the house. I love that he hugs and kisses our sons just as much as he does our daughters. He has always been a perfect gentleman in front of our kids. Our boys have learned to be good husbands and our girls know they deserve to be treated with respect. He is the most humble man I have ever known....
He has never put me on a pedestal, but he has ALWAYS held me in the highest regard. Even now, with this saddest situation before us, he claims his biggest fear is leaving me alone.....
Each night I pray for God's mercy......
Friday, October 24, 2014
Maybe you can go back......
I guess I was a privileged child. Growing up, we had 2 homes. On the last day of school, we packed up the cars and drove an hour to New Jersey to our summer house, affectionately called, "The Lake". It was a delightful 'lake community' where everyone knew each other. My cousins had the house next door and my other cousins had a house about a mile away. Whereas we never left the house when we were in our "regular" home, we spent nearly all of our waking hours outside the house when we went to "The Lake".
We met up with the same bunch of friends year after year. Mornings were spent taking swimming lessons and afternoons were spent playing softball, volleyball, badminton or basketball. After dinner each evening, we would all meet at the beach, once again, just to sit and talk. On Friday nights, we all walked to the "hilltop" (a large empty building at the top of the hill) to watch a movie together. In later years, I worked every summer at The Lake through high school and college as a Lifeguard and the Hilltop became a 'makeshift dance club' on Saturday nights. Those were simpler times.... We really and truly "grew up" together.
In years to come, my parents sold the house at The Lake, but my Aunt and Uncle still kept their house next door. Some of my cousins married and moved there permanently. I took my kids there every summer for a week when they were growing up. They, too, have fond memories of spending time with the cousins, going swimming each day, and roasting marshmallows each night as my Uncle made his infamous bonfires.
Once again, I will sing the praises of Facebook..... I recently reconnected with an old friend from so many years ago.... Bonnie, too, left her regular house and spent summers at "The Lake". She lives approximately 10 minutes from me now, yet we have not seen each other in over 40 years. We met at a local little bistro for a most delightful evening. It was so good to rekindle those memories of such wonderful summers. I am delighted to say that even after all these years, the evening was just so comfortable. Our roots were planted firmly years ago: learning to swim, playing sports and coming of age. Catching up was just a formality as the connection was just so strong. The thing we both recalled with such sweetness, was the simplicity of life back then...... was it our youth or have things really changed so much?
Wednesday, October 08, 2014
40 years already, REALLY?
This past weekend was my 40th High School reunion. I went to Catholic School... miles away from my home. I was bused there and back. I certainly received a top notch education, but I missed out on a lot socially. I was never able to join any clubs or sports as there was no way for me to get home if I did not take the bus after school. It was hard to get close to classmates without attending these after school functions.
There were several reunions over the years - none of which I attended. It seemed the timing was never right - and I was not sure if anyone would even remember me.
Then.... along come facebook! First, let me say - I LOVE FACEBOOK!!! I keep in contact with all my cousins' kids, who are too far away from me to visit regularly. As a result, I feel as though we really do know each other and when we do get together, we are not just "distant cousins".
There was a "Maria Regina Class of 74" page - and I joined it. As a result, I connected with nearly 100 past classmates. It has been fun watching their lives unfold. I've seen weddings, prayed for their family members and anxiously awaited the arrival of some of their grandchildren. SO, when the announcement came for a 40th reunion, I was not so hesitant this time.
Unfortunately, Mr. Wonderful's immune system is still so delicate and he is not supposed to be in any crowds. I had no choice but to forego the big reunion bash on the Saturday night. However, on Friday night, there was a gathering at a local pub as many people were traveling from out of sate and they wanted to make the most of the weekend. I was so happy that I was able to attend this function! It was so nice to hug those folks who I have come to know these past years..... It truly amazed me that 40 years ago, we all walked the same graduation path.
There were several reunions over the years - none of which I attended. It seemed the timing was never right - and I was not sure if anyone would even remember me.
Then.... along come facebook! First, let me say - I LOVE FACEBOOK!!! I keep in contact with all my cousins' kids, who are too far away from me to visit regularly. As a result, I feel as though we really do know each other and when we do get together, we are not just "distant cousins".
There was a "Maria Regina Class of 74" page - and I joined it. As a result, I connected with nearly 100 past classmates. It has been fun watching their lives unfold. I've seen weddings, prayed for their family members and anxiously awaited the arrival of some of their grandchildren. SO, when the announcement came for a 40th reunion, I was not so hesitant this time.
Unfortunately, Mr. Wonderful's immune system is still so delicate and he is not supposed to be in any crowds. I had no choice but to forego the big reunion bash on the Saturday night. However, on Friday night, there was a gathering at a local pub as many people were traveling from out of sate and they wanted to make the most of the weekend. I was so happy that I was able to attend this function! It was so nice to hug those folks who I have come to know these past years..... It truly amazed me that 40 years ago, we all walked the same graduation path.
Friday, September 26, 2014
Empty Nest
It has taken nearly 37 years, but we now have an empty nest (that is, if you don't count the "four-footed kids").
Allison was the last one to leave. Even though I hardly saw her as we worked opposite ends of the clock, I always knew she was there. She did see her Dad everyday, though. I thknk he misses her more than I do...
I understand some couples fear the empty nest - but I really don't understand why. Having all the kids out means that they are all settled and stable. As a bonus, they all seem relatively happy, too (most of the time!).
I often said that we should sell when the last kid moves out as we do not need such a big house, but I can't see us going anywhere soon. We seem to have 'stuff' in every corner of the house. It will take years to toss out all the hidden treasures, as Mr. W never find a reason to throw away ANYTHING. For now, we will stay put and just enjoy all the space.
I am so grateful to be marrried to my best friend. How awesome is it to come home every afternoon to the one person who loves me more than anything? We love our kids and there is nothing we would not do for them - but, for now, it is so sweet just to celebrate "our time".
Allison was the last one to leave. Even though I hardly saw her as we worked opposite ends of the clock, I always knew she was there. She did see her Dad everyday, though. I thknk he misses her more than I do...
I understand some couples fear the empty nest - but I really don't understand why. Having all the kids out means that they are all settled and stable. As a bonus, they all seem relatively happy, too (most of the time!).
I often said that we should sell when the last kid moves out as we do not need such a big house, but I can't see us going anywhere soon. We seem to have 'stuff' in every corner of the house. It will take years to toss out all the hidden treasures, as Mr. W never find a reason to throw away ANYTHING. For now, we will stay put and just enjoy all the space.
I am so grateful to be marrried to my best friend. How awesome is it to come home every afternoon to the one person who loves me more than anything? We love our kids and there is nothing we would not do for them - but, for now, it is so sweet just to celebrate "our time".
Thursday, September 18, 2014
Celebrating the mundane
As Mr. Wonderful continues to heal; slowly, but surely, we are settling into a sense of normalcy.
Our weeks are not dotted with doctor appointments.
Nightly dinners are no longer centered around what I can puree and add cream to in order to "up the calorie count".
There are other things to talk about with family and friends other than Mike's battle.
Storchevoy Sundays have returned where madness prevails along with good food and laughter.
Our "social calendar" is filling with happy events.
We have taken a wood delivery and have the fireplace readied for the cold months ahead. We are looking forward to those toasty fires and serenity in the evenings.
This year has changed all of us. I can only hope that our children recognize how precious life really is and learn to be grateful for the 'ordinary' days.
Our weeks are not dotted with doctor appointments.
Nightly dinners are no longer centered around what I can puree and add cream to in order to "up the calorie count".
There are other things to talk about with family and friends other than Mike's battle.
Storchevoy Sundays have returned where madness prevails along with good food and laughter.
Our "social calendar" is filling with happy events.
We have taken a wood delivery and have the fireplace readied for the cold months ahead. We are looking forward to those toasty fires and serenity in the evenings.
This year has changed all of us. I can only hope that our children recognize how precious life really is and learn to be grateful for the 'ordinary' days.
Monday, September 08, 2014
Gratitude Challenge
Reprinted from my Facebook page:
I have been nominated to take the gratitude challenge. Each day, for the next five days, I will post three things for which I am grateful.
Day 1
1. I am grateful for my husband - he is my strength, my soulmate, the love of my life.
2. I am grateful for my children. They have become the best adults I know and I learn from them everyday. They make me a better person.
3. I am grateful for my extended family - (siblings, nephews, cousins) - we were all taught the true meaning of family at an early age and I am so grateful to be part of such a loving bunch of crazy people!
Day 2
2. I am thankful that I believe in God. I think we all need a higher power to believe in when things here on earth go awry. I was sure to give my children a strong religious upbringing so they, too, would have the ability to give thanks, pray and find comfort in God. They all seem to have strong moral fiber and good ethics in all they do.
3. I am thankful that we were always able to provide for our family. We always had a good roof over our heads and food to eat. We were always able to give the children all of what they needed and some of what they wanted.
I have been nominated to take the gratitude challenge. Each day, for the next five days, I will post three things for which I am grateful.
Day 1
1. I am grateful for my husband - he is my strength, my soulmate, the love of my life.
2. I am grateful for my children. They have become the best adults I know and I learn from them everyday. They make me a better person.
3. I am grateful for my extended family - (siblings, nephews, cousins) - we were all taught the true meaning of family at an early age and I am so grateful to be part of such a loving bunch of crazy people!
Day 2
1. I am grateful for my "old" friends. We have seen the best and the worst of each other throughout the years. We have stuck by each other and helped raise each other's kids. We can now revel in the joys of our grandchildren together. As the saying goes, "you can't make OLD friends".
2. I am grateful for my "new" friends. God has put each of us together on... this path we walk for a reason. One day, we will be 'old' friends, too.
3. I am grateful for the furry friends in my life: Brandy, the St. Bernard; Louie, the tea-cup yorkie; I.C., our 13 yr old blind cat; Pepper and Boo; the rescue cats that Mr. Wonderful picked up as dying kittens on the street; Sloan, the mutt we inherited from our daughter; and the 50 stray cats that Mr. Wonderful feeds each day. They have brought love and warmth into our home, not to mention the need for an industrial strength vacuum cleaner..... the staff at PetSmart see Mike so often, they think he works there!!
Day 3
1. I am thankful for my job. I love what I do and grateful that after 14 years, I still “whistle on my way to work” each day. I work with wonderful people who have become part of my extended family – they are like big brothers who will always watch over me.
2. I am thankful that I believe in God. I think we all need a higher power to believe in when things here on earth go awry. I was sure to give my children a strong religious upbringing so they, too, would have the ability to give thanks, pray and find comfort in God. They all seem to have strong moral fiber and good ethics in all they do.
3. I am thankful that we were always able to provide for our family. We always had a good roof over our heads and food to eat. We were always able to give the children all of what they needed and some of what they wanted.
Day 4
1. I am grateful to be living on Long Island, the greatest place on Earth! - We are minutes away from the water and less than an hour from NYC. I am blessed to have all my children live close by, as well. We have 4 seasons and I find something beautiful in each of them.
2. I am thankful for the many talents that were passed down to me. Thanks to my grandmother, I can cook damn near anything. She also taught me how to iron before I was tall enough to reach an ironing board - I stood on an empty milk crate ironing handkerchiefs before I graduated to pillow cases!! Thanks to my dear Godmother who taught me to sew and crochet, also at an early age. It was when I was expecting our first granddaughter that I revived these hidden talents.
3. I am thankful that my dad fostered a love of music in us. I can appreciate nearly all kinds of music, but my favorites are the golden oldies of yester-year - Sinatra, especially! I will forgive him for making me take accordion lessons all those years. I know I've paved my way into Heaven performing for all the relatives at family gatherings
Day 5
1. I am grateful that I am comfortable in my skin. I like who I am. I try to be a good person and make good decisions everyday. I work hard to put my head on my pillow each night knowing that I did my best each day.
2. I am thankful that we were volunteers as our children were growing up. They saw the time and effort we put into little league, scouting, religious education, and donating goods and services to all organizations. They all understand how important it is to "give back".
3. As Mr. Wonderful and I enjoy our empty nest, I am thankful that we are so content to just be together. We enjoy the mayhem when the whole gang is together just as much as we relish our quiet times. Home is the best place to be.....
2. I am thankful that we were volunteers as our children were growing up. They saw the time and effort we put into little league, scouting, religious education, and donating goods and services to all organizations. They all understand how important it is to "give back".
3. As Mr. Wonderful and I enjoy our empty nest, I am thankful that we are so content to just be together. We enjoy the mayhem when the whole gang is together just as much as we relish our quiet times. Home is the best place to be.....
Wednesday, August 20, 2014
Let's get married....again
We have been talking about renewing our wedding vows for quite some time. Being on vacation with all the kids seemd like the perfect time to do so.
The groom and his best man, Little Michael:
My Maid of Honor, Michelle:
Bobby, walking me down the aisle:
Allison presiding over "The Ceremony":
Exchange of vows:
The happy couple:
Me and "our boys"
Mike and "our girls"
Our wedding cake - picture from original wedding 12/3/77
Our first dance to "Color My World", just as we did the first time around
We each wrote our own vows and let go of everything else. We left all the arrangements up to the kids, and they even surprised us with a photographer!
The girls made the bouquets:
The girls made the bouquets:
The groom and his best man, Little Michael:
My Maid of Honor, Michelle:
Bobby, walking me down the aisle:
Allison presiding over "The Ceremony":
Exchange of vows:
Mike said his vows first: "I, Michael, take you Angela, to have and to hold from this day on. In sickness, I promise to beat this annoyance I have right now. In health, to make your gold years feel more like LEAD for another 36 years at least. You are my best friend and my cheerleader, the power that keeps me going. I love you now and forever". [he had his vows written down on a slip of paper in his shirt pocket, but he recited them from memory]
Then it was my turn (slightly more long winded): I, Angela, take you Michael, to honor and love from this day forward. It has always been easy to love you when you say, "Good Morning, Beautiful" to me at the start of every day, or as you still open and hold doors for me, or when you reach for my hand whenever we are out walking, or when you take me shopping and patiently wait outside the dressing room with tons of clothes on your arms for me to try on. Today, I promise to love you when you are NOT so perfect. I promise to love you when you are hurting and when you are grouchy. You are, and alway were, my one and only."
The happy couple:
Mike and "our girls"
Our wedding cake - picture from original wedding 12/3/77
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