"Grandparents Day"

"Grandparents Day" seems like a silly holiday created by the greeting card companies.  Of course everyone reveres their grandparents!  Who else loves you unconditionally while breaking all your parents'  rules???

My Grandmother was a wonderful role model, mentor, advocate and friend.  She taught me so much without ever lecturing me.

I remember standing on a little bench and ironing handkerchiefs.  I was SO excited when I graduated to pillow cases.  To this day, the smell of steam coming out of my iron brings my grandmother to me.

I remember frying meatballs for the first time in her well-seasoned cast iron frying pan.  "Don't touch them until they have browned!"  Today, I use a similar frying pan and her technique has NEVER failed.

I remember her telling me to "change the air" in the baby's nursery.  All year long, she would have me  close the nursery door and open all the windows in there to remove the bad air and let in the fresh air.  I still do that in our bedroom!

My grandma told me that babies need to cry now and then.   It helps their lungs grow.  She proclaimed that hiccups helped their "insides to get bigger" - and (my personal favorite) when babies smile while they are sleeping, it's because an angel is talking to them.

My grandmother made every visit to her like a holiday.  She went to several different stores to get the groceries.  She cooked all our favorite dishes and sent us home with plenty leftovers.  There was always a special treat in her candy dish - and she emptied that dish into a little bag to send home with us, as well.  

I am so blessed to be able to close my eyes and picture my grandmother's hands.  I can still 'smell' her perfume.  I am named after my Grandmother ....... we called her Grandma Angela.

I have asked that Jamie call me, "Grandma".... it will be a wonderful tribute to my grandmother.

A Different Life

Life is so different these days.... Being a wife and mother for so many years, there are things ingrained in me that are just hard to "undo", but certainly much has changed.

I am no longer a wife.... I am choosing never to be a "wife" again.  I am not 20, (yes, that's when I got married!).  There are too many things that complicate a "legal union" at this stage of our lives.  That being said. I remain a "treasured fiance'" - and I am happy.  The Prince and I have a comfortable life together.  We have slowly defined our roles in the house.  Sometimes he takes the lead, sometimes I do.  We work well as a team, no matter what the project.  We both understand that a happy, successful relationship is "give and take" - NOT 50/50!  Let's face it, between us, we have over 75 years of marriage under our belts.  We entered into this relationship wanting the same thing - a happy life with a partner by our side.

I am still a mother.  Have been for nearly 40 years.  That will never change.  I am a parent, confidante' and role model to my children and my sons/daughters-in-law.  I am a "pseudo-parent" to my kids' friends when they need a shoulder or advice. I am a Grandma, Guga and Nanny to a host of little ones.

I have found that life will put many people in my path and each one will help define me as a person.  I am pleased to see that I am still learning, growing, and improving (I hope).  Each chapter brings new challenges and small changes.  I realize that I am a "work in progress".  

I must never forget that life can take a sharp turn, at any given moment.... but I still make plans - I like to give God a good laugh now and then.

Turn the page...

It surprises me how such a strong willed individual like myself can feel so unnerved at times.  Vulnerability has no boundaries....

My house is sold.  For the first time in 37 years, I am not a home owner.  It's a little like flying without a parachute.  Suffice it to say, I have taken a serious "leap of faith".

I believed this man when he said:  "I love you".  
I trusted him when he said, "I will never hurt you". 
He stole my heart when he said, "We are one". 

And so begins the next chapter of my life.

No Four Leaf Clover Required!

In my quest for a gratitude-filled life, I often look to my Prince and think how blessed I am to have found such a good man, (a second man), in my lifetime.  He is patient and kind, giving and loving.  To me, these are the most important qualities a man can have.

I hear people telling me over and over how "lucky" I am...... they said it about my marriage and they are now saying it about this relationship.  I've said it before and I will SCREAM it from the highest mountain.  LUCK HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THIS!!!

A successful relationship is made up of 2 parts:

•  Two willing participants who want the same things in life.  
•  Two people who have the same morals and beliefs.  
•  Two individuals who want to work as a team to have a good life.  

It is not enough to "find" the right person..... you must be the "right partner".

I promise you, there is no luck involved.

The Bucket List

The Prince and I were watching TV the other night when a woman talked about her "Bucket List".   The mere mention of this list pushed my brain to the limits! 

Whereas I am certainly in the "last half" of my life, I have never given much thought to making a Bucket List.  I have heard many people talk about travel and exciting adventures.  I've even heard them talk about death-defying activities (i.e. skydiving!).  I can honestly say that I could die  peacefully without having experienced any of those things.

Not sure I have an actual list - but I know there were always things I wanted to experience in my life:  

I wanted to be in love - and I've been graced with the opportunity to have that TWICE.   My son said it best: "How lucky are you to have been blessed with 2 wonderful men in your life?"

I wanted to be a mom -  I am a mom, a step-mom, a 'second' mom, a mother-in-law and a grandmother!  I savor every moment - all the pride and joy along with the trials and tribulations.

I wanted to be happy - the day I realized that happiness was a choice was a true turn around for me.  Happiness IS a choice for EVERYONE and I choose it everyday.  I am sure there is a long list of things that are not 'perfect' in my life, but, thankfully I can't really think of any at the moment.  I can, however, make an unending list of all that is good in my life!

I am thinking I have achieved my "bucket list".  I am grateful that I recognize all that is good in my life and I never take a day of it for granted.    

And the family grows by another 2 feet!

There is nothing more exciting than welcoming a new baby to the family:

                                                                        Oliver

                                                                             Eve

                                                                  Samantha

                                                                       Jamie

                          Would all like to introduce you to:

                                                                  "Colette"

Welcome to the family, Colette.  There are many uncertainties in this world - but one thing you can always count on:  You WILL be loved!

5/26/15 Two years later

Mike,

It's hard to believe that 2 years have passed since you've left this earth.  Early on, I thought I was going to die of a broken heart.  The chest pains were fierce and they were real.  I soon came to realize that it was simply grief.... the physical manifestations of the saddest emotion.  I later understood that this pain was the result of losing someone that I had loved so much.  I am truly grateful for having loved so deeply and being so loved by you.  It was, indeed, worth the subsequent heartbreak.   

Eventually, I learned that I was not a helpless widow, but a very capable woman whose heart hurt.  Because of your love for me, I knew that I did not want to spend the rest of my life without feeling that kind of love ever again.

Turn the pages to 2 years later.  I have met a wonderful man and have allowed myself to fall in love once again.  We often talk about you and you remain alive in my heart, afterall, you taught me how to love and be loved.

The kids are amazing.  Your sons are truly wonderful men that would make you so proud.  They both watch over me - from a safe distance - while tending to their own families.  They are smart, witty and talented.  There is no project that they will shy away from.  I can see so much of you in both of them.  You taught them well... 

Your daughters are strong, vibrant women.  They, too, keep a watchful eye over me (from a safer distance!).  They speak their peace and demand respect.  They are intelligent, beautiful inside and out and KIND.  I am enjoying watching their lives unfold. 

Our chldren are all supportive and loving, not only to me, but to each other - and that's the greatest tribute to US.

Jamie, our newest granddaughter, is delicious.  That little angel has softened all our hearts.  She is truly proof positive that life goes on.  

I have changed in many ways since you left.   I don't take crap from ANYONE!!  I have learned to put toxic relationships on a back burner - where they cannot hurt me.  I stopped watching over the kids like a mother-hen.  I am no longer their safety net - they are MY safety net now!  I am mindful of all things in nature - as you would point out over and over.  I still look for your signs, and when they appear, they always make me smile.

Rest in peace, as I am fearless and I am happy, once again.

Is it Wednesday? Another Mother's Day....

Once a year , on the second Sunday in May, America celebrates Mother's Day.  More flowers are purchased on this occasion than any other.  Restaurants are bombarded with families.  Hallmark has a field day.

My children have asked me repeatedly about this coming Sunday.  My answer remains the same each time.  No need to fuss on this Sunday.  

I am blessed to have children who make me a part of their everyday lives.  I hear from them regularly (read that: everyday) and I see them often.  They check on me, they confide in me, they ask my opinion.  They show their love in the most subtle ways everyday.

I am so proud to be the mother of these kids.  I don't need a National Holiday to be recognized as a good mom.  They let me know it everyday.....

Another step forward....

So my house is up for sale.  Another step forward in this new chapter of my life.  The house is way too big and it is silly to carry that expense at this stage.  The kids are all supportive of my decision.

My children were not raised in this house, therefore it is not so hard to let it go.  We made wonderful memories there - had lots of family functions.  Those times will live forever in my heart.  

What does amaze me is how much crap we accumulated in the last 13 years!!!  AND, there are boxes in the garage that have never been opened since we moved them here!!   Everyone knows how happy I am when I am throwing stuff away.  The Prince often jokes that if he stands still for too long, I will either wash him or toss him in the garbage!

I must give accolades to Uncle Little Michael (aka, The Godfather) for making this as stress-free as possible.  He has boxed things, tossed things, and moved things - all with a smile on his face.  He would often say, "Mom, what is causing you the most stress?" - then he would do something about it. 
Thank you, my son, for all that you do.

I could not have predicted where life has taken me these past 2 years.  I am a firm believer that God has His plan and that is all that matters.  I work hard everyday to live in the present.  

The goal is to stay focused and keep smiling.  

Define "family"

Define the word "family"...... BUT, think about it before you do..... REALLY think about it....

There is immediate family: parents and siblings

Which later on encompasses: a spouse, in-laws, and your children

Which then includes: Grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins

Then you add:  the friends you've had forever - and their kids/grandkids

THEN, the unthinkable happens (A death) and your family is fractured.....

If you are fortunate, someone special may come along and your family tree can start to blossom and thrive once again.....

Add: "Someone special", his children, their spouses, their children....

I am thinking "family" is not a 'thing to be defined', but a feeling.....  I am so grateful to be able to 'feel' again. 

We are 4...

We are 4 widows.  We met a little over a year ago.  We became friends in an instant.  We understood each other.  We supported each other.  We helped each other move forward.

We are 4 widows.  We had all been married for 35+ years.  We were all faced with the everlasting change  in our lives.  We understood that it was more than just losing a spouse.  Our lives, as we knew them, ceased to exist.  You can't explain that phenomenon to someone who has not experienced it.   People will say they understand.  Some people even think they understand.  Some might even "write the script" on how they think we should proceed with our lives.  

We are 4 widows.  We are always there for each other.  Somehow, we always know the 'right' words to say to comfort and support each other.  One of us can start a sentence, and the others will be able to finish it.  We get it.  We have learned how to curse like sailors and cry a million tears.  

We are 4 widows.  We have walked together to begin our new lives.  This was was not a path we chose, but a path we were put on, side by side.  We have helped each other realize that we were not 'broken', but just injured and we would eventually heal. We now know there will always be scars, but those scars will fade.  We have taught each other that it is possible to laugh again - really laugh and cry happy tears.  We have learned that it is possible to love again.

We are 4 vibrant, strong, sexy, incredible women.

Dancing With The Stars!

The Prince and I are taking Dance Lessons.  Every Monday night, for 2 hours, we don our dancing shoes and work very hard to learn something new.  This is followed up by nightly dance sessions in our kitchen (usually in pajamas) where we try to remember everything we were taught that week.

The fox trot, merengue, tango and salsa are our newly acquired talents!  (talents??)  We have also learned:

We CAN stay up past 9:00pm

We CAN move steadily for 2 consecutive hours

We CAN follow directions

We CAN laugh at our mistakes and revel in our victories

We CAN fall in love over and over

It's not how good the dance is..... it's all about how much we enjoy our lives.

On the road to recovery

The Prince and I have just survived our first medical emergency.  

He had been fighting a cold for about a week - and we both thought he was winning the battle until that one morning when he just did not look so good to me.  I stayed with him just to watch him for a while and he started to look a little better, so I went to work.  A few hours later, I texted him and he told me he was sleeping all morning, but I just did not like the combination of too much sleep and the way he looked in the morning.  I left work early and took him to Urgent Care (in his pajamas, as he said he just did not want to get dressed).  From Urgent Care, we headed to the hospital (after I made a pit stop home to give the contractor the key, and pick up a few items for the two of us as I was preparing for the inevitable).

My prince had the beginnings of bilateral pneumonia.  The X-Rays proved that it was just in the earliest stage.  They opted to admit him ("us" actually, as I was not leaving his side) and promptly put us in isolation.  They filled him full of round the clock IV Antibiotics and we killed the time talking, laughing and playing games on our phones.  There was some sleep involved, but mostly for him.  As I think I have perfected the art of sleeping at a hospital bedside on chairs, my mind was racing the whole time and sleep mostly evaded me.

I am happy to say that all's well that ends well.  Thank you to the doctors and nurses who took such good care of my honey.  Thank you to my sonny boy who hurried to our house and picked up all the dogs so I didn't have to come home at all.  Thank you to my contractor who finished our bathroom and took such good care of our house.  Thank you to the "C-Unit" for having the trust in me to take care of their Dad.

Thank you, God, for my new life.    

Things I have learned (or re-learned) lately....

Even when you think your heart is at maximum capacity, you can always love a little more.

I can't please all of the people all of the time.  I can't even please some of the people all of the time!  I must remember to be pleased with myself MOST of the time!

Going through life with someone who loves me by my side is a whole lot better than doing it alone.  (I already knew this - I am just so grateful that God sent me my Prince.)

Every time I hold our new granddaughter, I am reminded that life, indeed, does go on.

"Things" have no value - they can be bought, sold, and tossed away.  People have value.  Memories have value.

Change is inevitable.  No need to "write the book" for the future.  It is a lot more exciting to live it as it happens.

There are happy tears and there are sad tears.  Both have a purpose in my life.  

The wisest people know that wealth is not measured in dollars.  


"I am wealthy."  

My heart grows.....again....

"Our" granddaugher arrived last week.  Jamie was born 2/16/17.  She is beautiful, she is perfect, and she is loved.

Jamie is so fortunate to be born into this amazing family.  She has wonderful parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins who will tend to her every earthly need.  She also has her Papa, (Mr. Wonderful) in Heaven to watch over her and protect her all the days of her life.

There is nothing more precious than a child.  I truly believe that you can NEVER love TOO MANY children.  God has blessed me with many "grandchildren" who are not blood-related.  Each one has enriched my life and broadened my heart.  

I am so grateful that there will ALWAYS be room for one more......

I got a promotion!

My Prince and I have spoken of our relationship many times - and where we saw it heading.  We were both committed to each other, that was clear to us.  He loves me dearly and I feel the same.  That being said, marriage is out of the question as it makes no sense at our age and we both have chldren to consider.  I told him many times that I would gladly be his partner for the next 35 years!!

I had a very memorable Valentine's Day.  My prince outdid himself and made a very special effort to make sure this was a day I would not soon forget!  The very last gift for me to open was:

I have offically been promoted to "fiance`".... and we could not be happier 

To My Grandchild.....

To my Grandchild:

We have all been waiting for months for you to arrive.  It is just down to a matter of days right now.  There are so many things I want you to know and I will say them all to you once you are in my arms, but, for now, I will write some things down so you can read them later.

You are being born into a very special family.  We are loud and we are crazy.  We work hard and we play even harder.  Most importantly, we LOVE like no others!  When one member of this family is in pain, we all hurt.  And, when one member of this family has something to celebrate, we will all shout it from the highest rooftop and party like fools! 

I think what I want you know most is that you were loved before you even arrived!  We talked about you incessantly and made silly plans for you.  You had secured a place in all our hearts before we even knew your name!!  We all talked about how we were going to spoil you (and how your parents were going to hate us!)  

I know you will be held, hugged and kissed for as long as you will let us.  I know that every holiday  and every gathering will be centered around you.  I know that we will all look into your eyes and realize what a gift from God you are.

When you are ready to arrive, my angel, we will all be there - (if not in person, in spirit) to welcome you...

Love,
Your grandmother

If It's Thursday, we must be seeing.......

As I mentioned once or 22 times, between the Prince and I, there are lots of kids.

I am a "text book" Italian mom.  I believe we need to see each other often and talk even more often. This is fine for my kids - they are so used to hearing my voice.  My children all live rather close-by, so seeing them on a weeknight is not unheard of.

The Prince, on the other hand, has his offspring spread a little further away.   There needs to be careful planning and often, an overnight stay.  However, that's no obstacle for a couple who decide it is time for us to see "the kids"!  There is a laundry list of chores to be complete before we hit the road: book hotel, make arrangements for the dog, pack the clothes, pack snacks for the car, remember to take phone chargers!, pack more snacks for the car.  We seem to have this process down "to a dance" (yes, everything is music/dance related!)  

This weekend, we were up at 4:30am and hit the road by 5.  Our drive consisted of drinking coffee, singing to the "oldies", talking endlessly and just looking forward to our time with the grandkids.  Upon entering their house and hearing the squeals of delight, surely there was no place else we would have wanted to be!  Spending time with children, and their candid demeanor was like getting the batteries in our heart fully charged!  

Impromptu hugs and kisses, reading book after book, sharing meals, little hands reaching up to hold our hands  - a memorable trip.

Another First!

The Prince and I just returned from a vacation in Florida.  We booked this a while ago....quite early in our relationship, actually!  WHAT WAS I THINKING????

I'll tell you what I was thinking.....  I've met a wonderful man.  He is sweet and kind and treats me like a lady.  He makes me laugh and I look forward to seeing him every single day.  This man asked me to join him on a trip to Florida in January.... Of course I want to go!!  "Yes", I eagerly responded!  Only time would tell if this trip would actually come to fruition.  

Well, the trip did happen - and it was fabulous!  My daughter says the true test of  a relationship is going away and spending 24/7 together.  Well, we spent the last 9 days together - NON-STOP....  We were both a little sad when I had to go to work today.  

I am so grateful for this second chance at life.  Perhaps it is the history that we bring to the table, but we both seem to enjoy each and every day together.  We continue to make simple, but sweet memories.  Whether we are cleaning the house, doing the Sunday crossword or slow dancing in the kitchen, we manage to savor each moment and take nothing for granted.  

"Tomorrow" is promised to no one..... so grateful for our 'todays'.

I'm how old???

I am 60.  There, I've said it out loud!  It's really not such a big deal, but I've had fun pretending it was.  Nearly all my friends have passed this benchmark already.  I took every opportunity to remind them how "young" I was and they all reveled in the fact that I have finally moved over to "the dark side".

This was not only a 'milestone' birthday, but a very special one indeed.  My kids had a "surprise" party for me on New Year's Day.  I thought we were getting together for brunch - and we did - but with balloons, a sash and a tiara!   Allison cooked up an amazing spread and the weather was just picture perfect.  Their thoughtful, generous gifts were second to the best birthday cards I have ever received.  Even my Prince presented me with the most perfect card!!

I thought the celebration was over until I arrived home after work on my birthday.  There were balloons on the lamppost and mailbox.  PC showered me with more gifts and yet ANOTHER perfect card (it's all about the card, ya know!)

Age is just a number - if you let it be so.  All I want to do is enjoy my life....everyday, and hope for another birthday.  

New Year's Resolutions?

I have never been big on New Year's Resolutions.... but I do try to make subtle changes to better myself all the time.  There have been many positive changes in my life this year.  I am aware and grateful for every one of them.

Rather than a  list of Resolutions, I think I checklist is better suited for me right now:

Always be grateful for my blessings.  They are present in my everyday life and I must never take them for granted.

Remember to look for the good in people.  Sometimes, I will have to look long and hard, but, with perseverance, I will always find it.

It's the little things that matter.  The price of gas or the closing numbers of the stock market will not make me sleep better.  But if I was the reason someone smiled, I will have a happy heart.

I will tell those that are close to me that I love them all the time.  Saying it and hearing it will etch the sentiment in our hearts.

Above all, never stop being the "romantic realist"

Happy New Year.... Welcome 2017.

Christmas Re-Cap

This was a VERY different Christmas for me.  Christmas was ALWAYS celebrated with my children. Since compromise is the key to a successful relationship.... we headed to Pennsylvania and spent it with Prince Charming's children.... all of them.  What a gift!  

First, a particular thank you goes out to my children who were understanding and supportive of my decision to "spend it with my other family".  I saw them all prior to Christmas - and we will all be together on New Year's Day.  I am grateful that we all live close by and can see each other often.

Next, a special thank you goes out to the "C-Unit" for their warmth and acceptance.  It was a perfect weekend!  Having little ones around just added to the magic that we call Christmas.  There were too many hugs and kisses to count.   There were special moments that will be forever etched into my memory.... eating, drinking, dancing, watching the kids play with their toys (the BIG kids with their remote controlled cars and playing with the LITTLE KIDS' Legos), cuddling on the couch to watch movies, etc.

Top 5:
- Having a stress-free drive each way (read that: NO TRAFFIC)

- Remembering to bring everything that we planned

- Getting unsolicited hugs from the babies

- Watching the BIG kids interact with each other with love in their eyes

- Seeing my Prince so happy and enjoying every minute....


Christmas miracles are always present... you just need to know where to look for them.

Put in on paper.... put it to rest

So, were things ever going so good that you started to stress about "waiting for the other shoe to drop"?  Well, that happened to me this week.  Once you start that downward spiral, you can only let go of the handrail and hope you land on your feet.

I decided to share my anxiety with the Prince.  I needed to express the turmoil in my brain in a way that did NOT make me sound like a lunatic.  He is an avid Islander fan....

Me:  Let's say the Islanders have won 15 games in a row.  OK, I know they are not having a great season, JUST PLAY ALONG!!!  So, with each passing game, you start to get nervous that they will lose..... Things have been going so good in our life, I'm afraid of losing a game.

Him: Hey, we are bound to lose a game now and then.... but we will ALWAYS have a winning season!

...enough said.....

Date night???

The Prince and I went "Christmas shopping" last night - not for gifts, but for clothes for us to wear this holiday season.

First, we shopped for him:

Me:  You need a nice dress shirt and a handsome sweater to go over it.

Him:  I have shirts in the closet.

Me:  (smiling) I know, sweetheart, let's just look around.

Him: (picking up an orange and green plaid shirt) How's this?  The colors are so festive!

Me: (throwing up in my mouth) That's nice, hon, but maybe we should look for something a little more subdued.  Look at this shirt! (navy with grey pinstripes)

RESULT:  2 classic dress shirts and 2 gorgeous sweaters - 

(Note to self:  Never send him out to buy his own clothes!)


Next, we shopped for me:

Me:  Do you like this?

Him:  You already have a lot of pink.

Me:  Is this long enough?

Him: (with a scrunched up face) I don't think so.

Me:  What about this one?

Him: That's perfect.

Me: Let's buy it in 2 colors, I'm done shopping!

RESULT: We are both prepared for the holidays.  

(Note to self: Life is good with the Prince by my side.)

The Christmas Letter

Each year, I receive several Christmas Letters where people tell me everything that has happened to them this past year.

That made me think about my life this past year...... perhaps the letter would sound like this:

Winter 2016
Well, I've made it through my first holiday season.  It sucked, but I survived.  Keeping my eye on May 26 - I am sure my life will change after that.

Spring 2016
Thankful that it was a mild Winter.  Just one real snowstorm, and my kind neighbors cleared it away for me.  Grateful that I have been able to get away often.  Looking forward to the milder weather.  Keeping my eye on the calendar.  I promised myself to make positive changes and become a human being again.

May 2016
The month came and went.  Whereas I will always mourn Mr. Wonderful's passing, I know I will be okay.  I know I am in charge of my life.  I know my kids are keeping a watchful eye on me, from a safe distance.  I am standing tall, once again. 

Summer, Fall, Winter 2016
Got my life on track.  Ventured out into the "real" world.  Met some other widows who are trying to get their lives back, as well.  Kissed a couple frogs.  Met my prince.

To Tree or Not To Tree

I haven't put a Christmas Tree up in a couple years.  For one reason or another, it just did not seem important.  

This year, I will be spending Christmas weekend in Pennsylvania with my Prince and his family.  We will celebrate Christmas with my family shortly thereafter.

It seems Christmas has just snuck up on me this year!   We've been talking about it for weeks - trying to plan.... but there were so many kids to consider..... Now that the holiday is quickly approaching. there just isn't the time (or necessity) to put up a tree.

Next year will be different.  We will start planning in July.... There will be 2 new babies in the family.  We have agreed to attempt a "yours, mine, and ours" Christmas celebration.  Now, how do I get 8 kids and their respective families on board with this???? 

Perhaps we should not wait until July.... 

Thanksgiving Re-Cap

This was the first Thanksgiving I had ever spent without anyone from my "biological" family present.  I guess I now know how my kids feel when they have a holiday with "the in-laws".   The Prince and I realize things can become a little complicated... sharing our time between our kids.  The bottom line is, it is our time now and as long as we are together, everything else will fall into place.

It was a little strange, at first, being the only 'outsider' at a major holiday dinner.  However, the "C-Unit" is indeed very charming (it's in their genes) and they made me feel wanted and welcome.  It was fun to hear them tell me stories about Prince Charming - as only an offspring could tell.  I am sure I had heard some of these stories from the Prince in the past, but their versions are what I will always remember.

PC's  grandchildren were there - 19 months, 25 months and 5 yrs old.  Imagine my delight, being on the floor, interacting with the 3 of them!  There is nothing sweeter than an unsolicited hug from a child.  

I don't recall much about the food or drink.  I barely remember the 4 hours in the car that day.  What I will never forget is how I felt as I went to bed that night.  Everyone sleeps better when they have a content heart.


  

Time to Give Thanks

Can you believe 'the holidays' are upon us already?  I guess it is true, the older we get, the faster the clock ticks!

I have come a long way since last Thanksgiving.  There is hole in my heart that will always be there, but it now rests comfortably, surrounded by love.

This year's Thanksgiving list does NOT include a menu!

I am thankful for my children.  They are truly good people.  They continue to be a source of pride and strength for me.  Their love and loyalty for me and each other is deeply rooted.

I am thankful for my extended family.  You have felt my pain and watched me as I heal.  You have offered nothing but love and support.  You have all rejoiced in my happiness, lately!  It is more than our shared DNA that keeps our bond so strong.

I am thankful for my friends - old ones and new ones.
My life is very different now.  It has been an adjustment for my old friends and I thank them for being on this roller coaster with me.
I am grateful for my new friends who travel this same road.  Life dealt us all a cruel blow, but we found each other.  Until one has walked in our shoes, they cannot fully understand what we go through. So thankful we have been there for eachother.

I am thankful for having Prince Charming in my life.   He makes me laugh everyday.  He makes me feel loved.  He has embraced my family and he has shared his loving family with me.  He makes me feel alive once again.  I can only hope that I do the same for him.  I am looking forward to all that life has in store for us.

I am most thankful for the lessons I have learned.... 

• I work very hard to 'stay present in the moment'.    
• I never pass up the opportunity to tell someone I love them.
• I hug and kiss my loved ones OFTEN.
• I smile always - it is good for my heart.
• I look for the 'good' in everyone.... it's worth the effort.
• Life is way too short - I live without regrets. 

Random pix

Daughters: Allison and Michelle

Sons: Michael and Bobby

Brandy and Prince Charming

                           "Yes, I am a package deal!" 

A humble thank-you to my readers.....

I recently went to a 50th Anniversary Celebration of the opening of my High School - Maria Regina Diocesan High School in Uniondale.  We were the 5th graduating class (1974).

It was wonderful meeting with my group of classmates that have reconnected - this time with our "significant others".  I was proud to introduce Prince Charming to the group.  There was hugging, laughing, eating and drinking..... even an after-party at the Marriott!!

For me, the best part of the night was being approached by several classmates whom I did NOT know in school.  They have been reading this blog and took the time to seek me out and say such nice things to me.  To you ladies, I say, "Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for your kind words.  They mean more to me than you could ever know."

Did you see the hammer?

I have been offered lots of different advice lately (most of it unheeded).  I am sure everyone means well.....

"Go on vacation together - you never really know someone until you spend 24/7 with them"

"Spend time with his kids - they will show you the REAL person he is"

"Push his buttons!  Get him angry!!  - you will see his true colors when he loses his temper"

Well, my friends, I had my own barometer!  We decided to make-over a bathroom together.  That is the REAL test of compatibility!   Removing wallpaper, prepping the walls, picking paint colors, measuring and cutting the wainscot and moulding, and finally, adding decorative touches!

There were a couple hurdles...... but I have a tendency to only remember the laughs we had.  I think there was spilled paint, misplaced pencils and tools, apprehension about color and moulding placement - perhaps even a few more bumps in the road.  In all fairness, PC did most of the work, I was merely an "apprentice" this time around.

That being said, whenever I look into that bathroom now - I see a project that we did together.  Just a small room in the life we are building together.  It makes me smile.

Yours.....Mine......Ours?

I think one of the biggest hurdles in a relationship at this age is that we are a "package deal".  I come with kids, their partners, their children, and pets.  Love me, love my family!

When Prince Charming and I started dating, it was my children who insisted on meeting him.  I guess they wanted to size up the guy who seemed to have stolen my heart.  To be honest, I didn't think twice about it.  I knew my kids.  They were not going to be a**holes.  They would be courteous and warm (to his face), have a discussion with eachother, then give me the consensus of their opinion.  I also knew PC well enough to know he could hold his own under such careful inspection.  I could never have fallen for someone who could not.  He was a good man, with good values and a fabulous sense of hunor.

One by one, the kids (and their respective partners/kids/pets) met PC.  There were handshakes, smiles and pleasant conversations.  At the end of each gathering, there were hugs and kisses.  I knew immediately that I had the right man by my side.  My children agreed.

Then it was time for me to meet Prince Charming's kids.  WAIT!!!!    WHAT?!?!?!?!  Somehow, in all my careful research prior to entering the dating world, I completely disregarded the fact that "I" would ever be under such scrutiny.  But, as they say, "live and learn!"  There were 4 offspring (and partners, etc.) - they loving call themselves the "C-Unit" ("C"  for Charming, I'm sure!).


At first I was a bit nervous about meeting the chldren of someone who had become so important to me.  When we fell in love, it was just "us", not the myriad (or so it was beginning to seem) of people who had to grace us with their approval.  When I finally regained my grip on reality  - I faced the inevitable and let the chips fall where they may.  Afterall, if their dad found something special in me, I am sure they will see it too, right?  I greeted each offspring (et.al) with a smile and warm embrace.... each meeting was different and each was special in its own way.  I could easily spot a piece of Prince Charming in each child and, as a result,  I felt an instant connection to each of them.

Our chidren are no longer just "names" that we talk about.  They are all family now.

We are both looking forward to watching our family grow.

Growing older or wiser?

I fully intended this blog to be a legacy for my grandchildren someday.  In looking over the posts for the past 9 years, I am proud to say that future generations will have a true glimpse into my everyday life.   But, for now.....

This has been such an intersting time for me.  As I prepare for the arrival of my new grandchild in a couple months, I can't help but reflect on how the recents events in my life have affected me:

I learned to live life as a widow.  I have survived 100% of the worst days of my life.  I believe in me.  I can do anything.

I understand how one chapter of your life can end and another new exciting chapter is just around the corner - if you open your heart for it.

I now see my children as responsible adults that I can lean on from time to time if need be.

I found that falling in love is indeed possible at any age.

I witnessed how "friends" come in and out of your life - not sure how or why, but I've learned not to question any one else's motives.

The older I get, the less I care about what others think.  I realize how short life is and I know I just want to be happy - and it is MY definition of happiness that matters.

My dad always said, "you don't need a LOT of money, you just need ENOUGH money".  I finally understand this.

I know that "worrying about a problem" has never changed the outcome.  I now choose to spend that time doing something else.

I understand the expression, "man makes plans, and God laughs".  I never take future plans too seriously anymore.

Does this make me "Cinderella"?

I have decided to call my new beau Prince Charming.  In a way, he has rescued me from myself.

As we all know, I was very fortunate to have a Wonderful man in my life for nearly 40 years.  He taught me about love, true love.  When he died, I mourned him deeply.  I also mourned the loss of MY life as I knew it.  I never thought I would ever be loved like that again or find someone for me to love like that.

Prince Charming unexpectedly came into my life and things changed.  As time progressed, my heart was, once again, filled with deep emotion.  This man fell in love with me and I with him.  I have learned that love at 59 or love at 19 - it's a beautiful thing!

Being we were both widowed after long, successful marriages, we understand what it takes to nurture such a realtionship.  We click.  We work.  We have the same morals, priorities and goals.  We are happy.  The framework for our puzzle is complete.

Family is our top priority. We both have kids.  That's a whole lot of added puzzle pieces!   We are ok..... we know the puzzle will come together, perhaps not overnight, but the finished product will be frame worthy.

My life is very different now.... and it should be.  My old life is over.  This is my new life.  It feels good to love again and to face each day with an honest smile.

Quick Catch-Up

1.  Bobby and Suse are having a baby - due date 2/21/17

2.  Bobby and Suse had a devastating house fire in August.  They were not hurt.  They are living in my house now.  The rebuild should take a year.

3.  Had another wonderul outing with the MR High School girls.  Lunch and a Broadway show for 14 of us.  So blessed to have these women in my life.

4.  I have found happiness in my new relationship.  "Mr. ***** (nickname pending) makes my heart smile...

The heart knows no distance

I always talk about my amazing family - my kids have been such a lifeline for me.... But, my "family" stretches far beyond the reach of my children.

I am grateful to have a loving, warm, extended family of cousins who constantly watch over me - no matter how far away they live!!  The genuine concern and love is so evident in their phone calls and texts.    Each one has a different style.... but their love always shines through.  They never stand on ceremony ... never wonder "what is the right thing to say".  Their agenda is always the same: to let me know they are thinking about me, see if I need anything, and to tell me they love me.  It always makes me smile to hear from them.

I have 9 first cousins - (18 counting their spouses).- from New York, New Jersey, Florida, Utah, and California....I am so blessed to have this relationship with most of my cousins' children (26 of them) as well!!  

"A heart is not judged by how much YOU love, but by how much YOU are loved by others". (Wizard of Oz)

Grooving - Part 4

Being back in the dating game has been both scary and enlightening.   Dating at 59 is a lot different than dating at 19!!

At 19, I think I was looking for a potential husband and father to my future children.  Now, I am just looking for someone to love and who will love me.

I want someone who thinks I am wonderful and who I think is a "stand-up kinda guy".  I want someone who thnks that their fanily is important, because my family will always be inportant to me.  I need someone who does not sweat the small stuff - I've been through a crap load of big stuff and the little stuff will never use up any energy in my life.  I want a partner who is just as comfortable sitting on the couch watching TV as he is in a tuxedo dancing the night away.

I have decided to be up-front and honest with anyone I go out with.  The first phrase that flows from my mouth is, "If you are looking for a bed-partner, please look elsewhere,  I've never been intersted in casual sex".  I've yet to have a man walk away from the table after hearing this from me.  Not sure if they just didn't want me to think they were shallow or they saw it as a challenge!  In any case, my main concern has always been ME and how I feel.

If I decided that I might want to go on a second date with a guy, at some point I would say, "If you have to choose between me and someone else, please do not choose me."  I would then explain that I was in a class of my own.  I needed to find someone who was going to love me like I was accustomed to being loved!!

I don't think I was so "in charge" of my life at 19.   It is nice to be so confident now. I understand that I do not have to settle for anything less that I want and deserve.

I must admit, I am enjoying the ride..... 

Sage Dating Advice to Mature Women

When my grandfather passed away, my grandmother wore black for a year and would not watch TV for an "acceptable" amount of time.  The thought of dating was simply 'off the table'.  Thankfully, things have evolved throughout the years.  The thought of being alone at age 58, for the rest of my life, was just so depressing.

As I have entered the "dating arena"  -  I have made many observations - both amongst the men that are out there and my fellow widows.  This is for my sister-widows:

1.  As my son told me, "Remember, YOU are the prize"!

2.  YOU are in charge of your life.  YOU make all the decisions.

3.. When in doubt, always remember, there is NO wrong answer.  YOU are judged by NO ONE!

After so many years of being a wife and mother, it was hard to switch roles and be "a woman" again. This was so incredibly intimidating  - but SO WORTH THE WORK!

I am the prize.  I am in charge.  

The Groove - part 3

So, apparently my prior list was unreasonable..... personally, I thought it was a great start!  After running it by some friends, and waiting for them to stop laughing, I've decided to think long and hard and revise the list a bit:

NO DRAMA!!!  (will always be at the top of my list!)
Sense of humor
Soft spoken
Good vocabulary
Taller than me (I'm 5'3')
Attentive
Affectionate
Appreciative
Weigh more than me
Good kisser

So, my faithful readers - do you have any single male friends that fit the bill?

getting back the groove - part 2

I guess the first step is to decide what I am looking for.  I decided to make a list,  like a shopping list!

No ex-wife
No kids
No parents
No siblings
Has to weigh more than me


That's my first draft.

Lemonade stands and life lessons

With the onset of Summer, fond memories pop into my head of years gone by.  One of my favorites is how the kids would make a lemonade stand several times each Summer.  They would work diligently to build the structure then come raid my house for supplies.

I can still see their little faces as they "hawked their product" - squealing with delight every time someone stopped to make a purchase.  I was so proud of their little entrepreneurship!!

Whereas they took on this project to make money, what they actually earned were life long lessons that just cannot be taught.  They learned a lot about teamwork and people skills.

I love how, to this day, we all stop every time we see a couple kids with their lemonade stand.  We ALWAYS make a purchase.  I guess we were all "paying it forward' before it became popular.

Some things just cannot be taught in a classroom......

Guga gets her groove back - Part 1

Well, I made it.  One year under my belt.  I promised myself that if I made it through the first year, I would be ok.  So, I guess I am ok - but not really.  

I know I have already survived the worst days of my life.  I know I am fearless.  I know I am blessed with the best children, who continue to be a source of strength and pride.  I know I am alone.

I have many friends - old, true friends - old acquaintances - and new friends who are also widows.  My days are full with work, my evenings are booked with different activities, my weekends are wrapped around family activities. But I am alone.

My brain has a little whirlwind inside.  There are just so many thoughts and nothing is sorted out.  From the outside, I look like I am ok and my life seems organized.  Then, I slow down a bit and the whirlwind starts spinning faster than ever.  I have SO MANY blessings.  I have made my peace with God.  I have so many reasons to smile.  But, I am alone.

In talking to other widows who had good marriages, there seems to be a common thread.  We know what a good relationship is and we miss it.  We all want to feel that again.  I want to feel that again.  

...and so I begin the next stage of my life...

A Year Gone 8/5/51-5/26/15

Dear Mike,

A year has passed since you've left.  A part of me feels like you've been gone forever and  sometimes, I feel like you just left me yesterday.  I promised myself that if I could survive the first year, I would be okay.  I survived.

I don't recall a specific time for the changes in me, I only know they happened.  Out of the blue, I realized that my darkest days had taken a turn and I was heading in a different direction.   I noticed I was crying less and finding it easier to laugh again.

I stopped being angry.  I was never an angry person, and I did not like the anger that was popping up in my day-to-day life,  I have since let go of it and I am more at peace now.

I no longer doubt myself.  I remembered all those years, how you encouraged me and how we relied on each other.  I realize that I am an intelligent, strong woman and I will always think things through and never make rash decisions.

I always knew what a special relationship we had, but I now know how rare that was. You taught me how to love and to feel loved every single day.   I never took it for granted, I just thought all married couples had it.  I will always be grateful for the love we had and the life we gave our children.

I can listen to our wedding song without crying, (most times).  There was a time when any song we EVER danced to reduced me to tears.  Now, I just recall all the good times and smile.  When people mention your name, it does not make me sadder that you are gone - it makes me happy that you touched so many lives and they all remember you so fondly.

I am acutely aware of all things in nature these days.  The sunrises and sunsets, the blooming trees and flowers, butterflies and spiders - all remind me of you and how you were always trying to get me to notice them.

My confidence has returned.  I am back to walking with a spring in my step.  Most days, when I smile, I really mean it!  I am fearless.

I have watched the kids' lives change and move forward.  In the beginning, I was leaning on them a lot, now they are chasing me to spend time with me.  When we are all together and we talk about you, there are no more sad tears.  There are lots of smiles and many belly laughs - you have left them quite a legacy.  You are present in their day-to-day lives.

I will ALWAYS love you and miss you, but I did survive this year.  

I am okay.

Mother's Days

Sunday is Mother's Day for the whole world.  I will celebrate it, I am sure - however, I am very grateful for my children who make me feel like everyday is Mother's Day...

I am the mother of the kid that:

...texts me everyday

,.. always asks the right questions

...  can sense when I am having a bad day

... calls everyday on the way to work and on the way home. .. we never seem to run out of things to talk about

... is unpredictable with the phone calls, but is always sincere and concerned

.... encourages me to continue to live my life to the fullest

... checks in and asks about my evenings, making sure to have me over for dinner on a free night.

... offers to be my designated driver when there is a "drinking event" on the calendar

... worries about seasonable chores that need to be done around my house - and makes sure they are done

... senses when I am in need of a pick-me-up and has flowers/surprises sent to me for no reason at all

... reminds me how much Mr. Wonderful loved me and what a role model he was for all of  his children

... is raising my granddaughters and teaching them to be the most magnificent human beings

... presumes they are in charge of my life now - LOL - (I'll just let that fantasy continue for a while!)


Best of all,  I have kids that think I am wonderful (most of the time!)

Recharging all the batteries...

I just returned from a visit to Florida to see Allison and Lisa.  It was 5 days of bliss!  There was no agenda.  Most days were spent in pajamas and/or bathing suit.  

I went to bed when I was tired.  I slept as late (or as little) as I needed to .  I ate when I was hungry.  I had a cocktail whenever the mood required one.   I laid on the beach and relaxed by their pool.  I sat on their porch: sometimes engaged in lively conversation, sometimes quietly reading my book.  I saw the sunrise from my bedroom window each morning - and the sunset at the beach was simply breathtaking.

This was more like a retreat than a vacation.  My brain, my emotions, my body and soul all had time to rejuvenate.  Counting my blessings, once again.

Contractors R Us!

Storchevoy Sunday took a different turn this weekend.  We were at Bobby and Suse's house.  Bobby wanted to build a raised flower bed for his vegetable garden.

Prior to the start of the project, my contribution was my Math skills!  How much wood do we need?  How much soil do we need?  

Happy to say, the boys and I made a wonderful memory building and filling the structure.

#BESTSONSEVER

It's been  a rough week..... I must stop looking at the calendar.    We are approaching 11 months...

I am not sure when I became such a "needy bitch", but apparently, this is just another stage of widowhood - HATE IT!!!

The almighty sons  were at my beckon call this past weekend.  They did many little chores around the house.... things I never thought about, but they were surely paying attention when their dad did them.  Watching those two work together makes me laugh and cry.  They are incredible men, but I still see them as 8 and 6 yrs old.  They changed my outdoor light bulbs and cleaned gutters - neither of them relishing the idea of climbing a 20 foot ladder..  Hearing them discuss who was going on the roof was especially sweet.  They recalled the times their Dad pushed them out a window at Grandpa's house to clean his gutters.  WHAT WAS HE THINKING???  LOL!!

As I said, it's been a teary week - and each afternoon I seemed to have a crazy mishap that nearly put me over the edge:

Monday - the high-hat over my front window died.  Called the son.  (in my defense, they are in the process of changing all the lights to LED - I had NO idea what I needed to get to replace that bulb)

Tuesday - went for a pedicure - could not find my car key.  Called the son.  After he arrived with a spare key, they found my key - IN A POTTED PLANT IN THE FRONT OF THE SALON!!!  (The son still gets credit for coming, with a smile)

Wednesday - came home to find a stray cat trapped in the garage and one of my kitchen cabinet doors hanging askew.  Called the son.  Cat set free, door temporarily fixed (permanent fix this weekend). Had dinner with the son and son-in-law....

I am sure Mike is smiling down at his boys.  He was an incredible role model for them.  There is nothing they won't attempt to fix - and they are successful all the time!  They are so attentive to me... such a blessing.  I am hoping I am just "going through a stage" and I will grow out of this neediness.  In the meantime, I am just looking at this as payback for me not killing them when they were teens!

The first day of the rest of my life

 

I have had a lot of 'firsts' this past year.  I am happy to say that I've survived them all.  I made it through the saddest of days, and I enjoyed some of the most wonderful days, as well.

I have come to realize that, although I am surrounded by caring family and friends, I have to be my best advocate in life.  Ultimately, all decisions are up to me alone, now.  Who wants to start over at age 59?  I guess I do...

 I consider myself a "work in progress".... shouldn't we all?

Such a "Beautiful" day....

Went to see a Broadway show this weekend with my high school classmates.  There were 10 of us.  It was something we were all looking forward to for months.  We met for brunch, 2 hours prior to showtime.  After the show, some had to leave.... Some stayed for cocktails at the bar in Penn Station (we are such a classy group!) - some decided to forego the next train and stay, just a little while longer.  A couple of us stopped on the way home for dinner and continued conversation.

It was a magnificent day.  It was not about the show or the meals.  It was about 10 women. Ten gorgeous, intelligent, warm, loving women....

The only common thread is our time in a Catholic High School.... What is it that makes us so comfortable with each other?  My guess is "shared values"...


Love these "BEAUTIFUL" women...

It's all about choices

I am a fun person...  (so I've been told).

In my ever changing life, I am bouncing between the single teenager I was 40 years ago and the person I am today who buys "senior" tickets as entry to the movies (this grey hair works in my favor sometimes).  These past 40 years were filled with responsibility - being an attentive wife and the best mom I could be.  Well, my "wife" title no longer applies and my children are all adults.  So, where does that leave me?

I have opened the door to the rest of my life.  I am taking a few things with me: my years of experience, my fragile heart, and my sense of humor.  I like to smile.  I like to laugh.  I like to hear the laughter of others.  I have found that a smile is surely contagious.

Everyone has "crap" - we just carry it differently.  I like to keep mine safely bundled up deep inside. I am learning that life is way too short to give "the crap" center stage.

I have witnessed my kids finding humor in the blandest of situations - I take credit for that!  I am so grateful that I've passed on the importance of laughter.  I am resigned to face the rest of my life with open arms and a smile.... hoping I can make some other people smile along the way....

Easter - an time for renewal

As Easter approached, I found myself starting to creep towards that "rabbit hole" of depression.  Tears would flow for no apparent reason.  I was starting to feel angry.  I was barely sleeping.  I thought, to myself, this was typical as another holiday was upon us.

In talking to a good friend, questions were being posed to me.  Why was I angry?  Who was I angry with, Mike or God?  What was different this week?  Why would I cry and not know why? - 

(I am lucky to have people in my life who will ask the hard questions.)

I tackled those questions like a highly motivated Catholic School Girl with an urgent assignment!  Sure, Easter was nearly here, another freaking holiday alone.  Yes, I have so many people in my life, but I am still alone - and that is why I am angry.  I was a WONDERFUL wife.  I loved being Mike's wife.  I was good at it.  It was the best part of my life.  It just seems so wrong that I am without him now.  Was I angry with Mike?  - Absolutely NOT.  I know how much that man loved me.  He never wanted to leave me.  Perhaps, God and I still need to sort things out.....

My friend (in a very firm voice) then reminded me of a couple things:  I had 39 years of being in love.  How many people can say that?  I have incredible children.  I have my good health. I have a loving extended family who all watch over me.  I have a great job and I am financially stable.   (Sometimes, it takes an outsider to state the obvious.)

Brandy and I went to the beach after work yesterday.  The sun, the sand, the vastness of the ocean.... all gifts from God - along with special people in my life who help me to stay on track.

I think the next step in my grief is to make peace with God.